2005-01-28 - 9:29 a.m.
Home this morning rather than going to the bible study as (AHHH I CAN"T REMEMBER THE FAKE NAMES FOR MY KIDS.......) as what's her name, toddler # 3 ....the Irish name.... OH yeah as RAETLIN has a disgusting runny nose. It was when she was licking the top of her lip in loud slurps that I knew I made the right decison to stay home even though its only a cold. I thought it unfair that her boogy fingers touch toys and spread germs to the other two year olds who then lick and chew the toys. So the now contant slurping despite my many attempts to catch her and wipe and to try to teach her how to use a handkerchief makes me VERY glad to be home
And this morning I was just reading BABYTALK magazine- the one that REALLY Was free! (Although I don't think it counts as really free because I generally view this magazine as a BIG advertising supplement with a few articles thrown in.)
Anyway, although after having six children I am not often inclined to actually read this magazine as its not the most enticing reading if I have a free minute--- it was nearby when I had to breastfeed Alexy (YAH I REMEBERED HER RECENTLY GRANTED PSUDONAME!) So I picked it up to read an actually useful article about how not to freak out if your a new mom and have gobs of hair falling out! Its normal when the baby is between 3 and 5 months!
There it is in FEB 2005 BABYTALK - The first article with somthing new for me to learn in a baby magazine in years! Unfortunately I never did do my research on HAIR LOSS to a great extent as planned once I came across the thryoid theory!
THAT's OK though... if I only go to the doctor for something unnecessary once every five years I shouldn't feel too bad, right?
And to be fair- I actually enjoyed reading some of these articles! The one by the DAD was enlightening! (Some DADS REALLY DO GET UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND GET KID TO BED???? )
And the one about LYING MOMS was enlightening..... NOW I SEE HOW IT IS SOME DAD"S do those things: THE have wives that LIE or SNEAK to get them to do it....
And I recall being amazed at a friend who I CAN"T MENTION-- that so skillfully coached her 2nd daughter by saying "you want DADDY to change your diaper, right?" ANd nudged her along..."Go find him." That same superhero mom managed to get her hubby to agree to giving the kids baths and getting them to bed each night! ANd he works full time while she is a stay at home mom!! (SHE REALLY IS MY HERO!TOO BAD I CAN"T MENTION HER NAME)
So that's it- I'm just too damn honest. It seems manipulation is the #1 way to get men involved in taking care of babies or getting free time for self.
That shocked me.
But I guess I can forgive women for fearing criticism if THAT honest. But ladies... really, WHO WOULDN"T UNDERTAND THE TRUTH????
(I'm sure that's why Westly attracted me. For all his faults- it is nearly impossible for him to lie! He lacks the CONTROL to not blurt out the truth at all times. HE can't even keep a GOOD secret from me for more than a few moments in my presence.. So No I never get any great suprise gifts as when he plans ahead he gets to excited and then can't control the urge to give the gift to me RIGHT AWAY.... )
But then I got to that part about taking time for SELF .... and my judgemental attitude was dispelled.
In a way, those with less strong sense of self are lying for that very reason others of us have to have this private time alone-- whether its writing, or taking off to Starbucks for a few moments, or the Dad's who PRETEND they are helpful by being the superhero Dad's running all the errands when they REALLY are getting away a bit-
ALL those activities are a means of GAINING and HOLDING ONTO a sense of self. Those who are insecure lie to others more- I am sure out of that insecurity. And I am sure in some way their lies give them a sense of SAFETY when they feel threatened. Its the same with little kids who lie so as not to get in trouble or be judged. (WE have seen this in Soren as a big problem since he has a fragile sense of self)
So I think lying is for two reasons:
Untimately those of us who don't tell lies STILL have some insecuruity we manage in other ways.
For me its having a place where I can write all MY truths without fear of judgement..... here as I think a paper journal is more likely to be found!
So I intentionally didn't give this link to my staunchly vegatarian pro aniaml rights friend! (Although we e-mailed after months and I was tempted to as the easiest way to give her the update on my life) It was the BAMBI entry that I knew would be hurtful to her!
Hey she just sent an e-mail "LET ME KNOW IF THERE IS ANYTHING I CAN DO-- AND I MEAN ANYTHING" and she wrote that we have to talk as the news of my recent family life upheaval is "Too upsetting and vast to handle in an e-mail!"
So some lie too so as to not hurt others.
And I am sure BOTH our sense of self and our relationships with others would likely be advanced if we were more honest! Yes- in the end, I think that is likely true- as then we'd only maintain relationships with those who REALLY accept and love who we are. And then we address and work through differences with those we are in relationship with.
ANd perhaps the quality of our relationships and our sense of self would be even stronger than those that have lies as some basis of knowledge of who we are.
But I can understand the FEAR common to all people about REALLY being that open.
I intend to keep this journal private for now.
It really is the only private space I truly have and I believe we all need that.
CHEERS_ I JUST STOPPED SHORT OF HITTING THE ADD AN ENTRY BUTTON WHEN DONE! I REALLY NEED TO E-MAIL the diaryland folk to suggest a resolution to that problem! (AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO DOES THIS???)