2006-05-10 - 7:15 a.m.
THINGS TO DO WITH A HAM:
Roast with cloves, add brown sugar syrup (spiced further to your linking) and baste on top the last 15 minutes.
Make Green Eggs and Read Suess and Serve for Breakfast
Enjoy leftover sandwiches one day.
THROW THE REMAINING HAM HOCK IN A POT WITH SPLIT PEAS AND MAKE LOVELY SOUP. (DRY BAGS OF SPLIT PEAS, OR ANY OTHER DRY BEAN FOR THAT MATTER, ALMOST ALWAYS HAVE A FINE RECIPE RIGHT ON THE PACKAGE WHICH IS THE SECRET TO LEARN FOR THOSE WHO ARE NOT TYPICALLY COOKS!)
IF A REALLY HORRID PIECE OF MEAT BECAUSE YOU WERE BEING CHEAP AND SHOPPED AT FOOD LION OR P&C instead of WEIGMANS:
CUT OFF THE REMAINING MEAT AFTER THE FAT HAS BEEN RENDERED OFF IT and chop it up, mix with some mayo, onions and celery (or any veggies, spices or dressing of your choice) FOR MARVELOUS HAM SALAD! The salt will have leeched out into the water and what is left will be wonderful! (EVEN AT THE CHEAP .89 a pound! STILL WAS WORTH IT!)
DO NOT BE TEMPTED TO MAKE SOUP WITH THE ABSOULTELY DISGUSTING STOCK!!!! DO NOT TRY
EVEN IF IT SMELLS WONDERFUL AND LOOKS LIKE A LOVELY RICH STOCK! EVEN IF YOU HAD ADDED LOTS OF ONIONS AND CELERY LEAVES WHEN RENDERING IT DOWN
THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO MAKE THIS PALATABLE
NO- NOT A RULE, BUT RATHER A LAW OF NATURE
HAM STOCK SUCKS!!
DON't FORGET IT
OR like me-- who tends to have to experience various permetations of THE SAME MISTAKE OVER AND OVER AGAIN until it dawns on me....
You will be left almost ready to cry with a table full of family REALLY TRYING to be polite as they taste what was the most disgusting thing EVER.
IF they are little they will be MOST HONEST.
BUT SHOULD YOU MAKE THIS MISTAKE, DON'T CRY! JUST BRIBE
This will only work if the bribe is something NEVER OFFERED. HERE is mine which worked wonders (as after all that work THERE WAS NO WAY I WAS COOKING ANOTHER THING!)
OK- First to admit we ALSO had a loaf of WONDERFUL FRESH BREAD that the eldest made that day (thanks to an error of someone having left a half gallon of milk out for hours. There is only one thing one can do with spoiled milk other than throw it out-- BAKE FRESH BREAD IT REALLY IS OK FOR THAT! THE HIGH HEAT KILLS OFF ANY BACTERIA AND I HAVE NEVER KNOWN ANYONE TO CATCH EVEN A COLD AFTER EATING THE WONDERFUL RESULTING BREAD WHICH HAS A BIT OF A TANG SIMILAR TO SOURDOUGH... Hmmm that likely is what sourdough is!) SO they were not to be left HUNGRY. YOU have to HAVE SOME OTHER PROVISIONS and be humane as should you err and be left ONLY WITH THAT DISGUSTING HAM BASED SOUP IT WOULD BE TORTURE!
We all did manage to gulp down, as quickly as possible, the hideous lentil stuff with all those sad vegetables that were wasted CHASED WITH MILK (THE FRESH GALLON!) and motivated by:
"IF you eat half the bowl I will take you to the store to each pick out ANY CANDY THAT YOU WANT"
And they worked.
HE said "Oh. I'll just do the shopping tommorrow"
AND SHOULD YOU ERR AND MAKE SOUP OUT OF HAM STOCK, PLEASE DON'T WAIT 4 DAYS Or more to toss the offending soup.EVEN IF YOU LABORED OVER IT EVEN YOU WILL HAVE NO QUALMS IN TOSSING THE WHOLE REMAINING POT OUT!