2006-05-25 - 2:42 p.m.
I am happy that my parents are at this moment en route for a weekend visit with us!
ON Sat they will get to go to Sadie's soccer game, and then on Sat afternoon we are having a birthday party for her with her classmates here at home!
She is SO EXCITED!
I am happy that Westely acquiesed and agreed we both can give her the SPONGE BOB MATH and DISNEY PRINCESS MATH Books for her Reading and Writing Leap PAd! I bought them on a discontinued Clearance rack REALLY EXCITED at their afforfability and knowing SADIE will LOVE them. The princess one uses math skills to design gowns! What could be more perfect for a six year old's birthday?
So Westely initially said he didn't like them but he knew as I would then give them to her ANYWAY and so he decided to just swallow his pride and his distaste for all things liscenced and mass marketed and popular and let her enjoy being a little kid in this world where it really is hard to TOTALLY insulate from the evil marketing machines!
I convinced him these two things just will not corrupt her or make her pine to watch "Sponge Pop" as she called it mistakenly for years (never actually having seen the show! THat was cute, although not as cute as her phrase "Cellephone" which she mistakenly used for Cell Phone for a while!)
I AM SO EXCITED THAT WESTLEY HAS AGREED TO GO TO MY REUNION!!! YAH!!!! Yesterday I had the idea of calling the Alumni office to see if they had any Connections for babysitters who might be available! I had noticed a little blurb SOMEWHERE indicating to call and ask if childcare was a problem. The Alumni Director HERSELF called me back and told me she had recruited her two daughters, ages 18 and 20 who happen to currently work in DAY CARE and have lots of experience with little ones. The campus ALSO has housing available and had posted the cost PER PERSON. I had inquired if they were CHARGING FOR CHILDREN as well or if they would charge for the ADULTS and let us bring kids along. She said she would inquire and then she called me back to say they would charge us for WESTELY AND I ONLY and that the children would be welcome to stay with us!
SO AWESOME! They really are trying to be accomadating to families! They really hope to have good turnout and involved and active alumni support of the school so it is smart for them to be so gracious about that! (WE couldn't afford to go if they were to charge for each child!)
Basically it would cost me EXACTLY the same amount for me to go with Westely for the adult event one night, as it would for me to go with two kids and go to the one adult event myself one evening and then the next day pick up Katerina and Soren and go to a Family picnic with them the next afternoon.
So I had a choice to make and decided that it will be SO NICE for Westely and I to actually GO OUT TOGETHER WITHOUT KIDS FOR A CHANGE!
That hasn't happened IN YEARS! It will be so much fun, in particular as we met each other at my college! I think Westely also met some of my friends who will be there- so I am really excited about this!
The less happy news of the day is that I today got paperwork calling me into court as my EX filed a claim that I violated the visitation order and "prays that the Respondent be delt with in accordance with the applicable provisions of the law"
Talk about trying to shoot yourself in the foot.
I can't imagine what the heck he is thinking. If he ties my resources up in litigation that is less time I get to see the kids as my travel to Buffalo which is so limited as it is would be filled with court dates as well as sandwiching in ever briefer visits. And since I told him that I was about to send him monthly payments to assist in supporting the kids as I am ALMOST DONE paying off my attny (from the last big bill! AND although I STILL HAVE FAMILY TO PAY I WAS GOINg TO SEND HIM SOMETHING MONTHLY TOO! ) So you would think he would realize it might make more sense to just accept my monthly checks than be vindicitive and petty and use the kids as pawns out of his fears.
I am sure his fear is that I WOULD BE SO VINDICTIVE AND EVIL as to file a case IN VA which is where he knows I will be in the summer! I KNEW he was going to be difficult regarding having kids come to us in the summer- but after talking with him and the kids and Westely I had decided that it really wasn't PRACTICAL to take the kids this summer ANYWAY! KAterina has her math classes and work to do and I think it better she does that and I see her in the FALL. Soren would be welcome to come for a visit so I was going to talk to him about that as a possibility for a few weeks- but NOT UNTIL I CAN AFFORD THE TRAVEL EXPENSES which I can't do right now anyway!
I don't have the money for Soren to hop a plane to meet us in VA and if I do it will be surely one of those last minute deals-- so I hadn't even planned for that yet. I had ALREADY decided just to chalk up the summer with planning for them to be in Buffalo and then in FL visiting my parents and their Uncles for now. I thought If I get cash I could fly and join them there for a week or so, or if I have the means I was going to see if they could come for a week or so to NY before I go to VA.
Just this Sun I mentioned to my Ex that the period of restriction was up in early June and said that it would be then up to us to decide if the kids were to come to my home with Westely. I asked him to consider it and he said "I'm not comfortable with that at this time."
So I let it drop and didn't discuss it further as now it just didn't seem worth it to argue over this- but I figured I would let more time pass and maybe he would become more reasonable.
ON Sun he brought the kids with him to Syracuse and I met him at his AA meeting where I picked them up to spend time with me while he went to some AA event he was interested in going to. I thought it was nice he called to ask if I wasnted to spend the time with them. So I did and the kids and I went grocery shopping as I had to do. Westely was home sick rather than travel to VA as he planned and I told him I would do the shopping and then had to stop home to drop off the perishables. HE said he would stay upstairs out of the area so I could bring Soren in just to see the house. So I had Soren help me unload the groceries and then gave he and Katerina a drink and something to eat in the kitchen before we left to meet their Dad.
The language of the settlement is that the children are not allowed in Westely's PRESENCE. He in fact was NOT in their PRESENCE at all but intentionally STAYED OUT OF THE WAY so I could get the groceries in! KAterina in fact was waiting in the car and only Soren was coming in just to look at my home for a brief moment (until Katerina asked for a drink so I then said she could come in and get one and then fed her too! SHe had ASKED to come in but I had first said "No stay with the girls while just Soren and I unload so we can get this done quickly and be on time to meet your DAD. I want Soren to come in as he hasn't seen the house yet.") All the little girls were still waiting in the car as we were not going to spend any time there. Then I realized we had a few moments before it was time to meet their DAD so I told them all they could go play outside (where I could see them) while I put the perisables away. So they ALL did that in the backyard for the few moments it took me to then get stuff in the freezer and fridge. Then we left to meet their DAD. He called at 2:27pm (which surprised me as I didn't think he would expect to be able to reach me home!) But as we just happened to have stopped in then I was GLAD he caught us and he asked to change the meeting spot to pick up the kids! So I was happy he asked and asked if he would meet us at TARGET where I had to go anyway as SADIE had to get a gift for a birthday party she was going to!
So at 3pm we met him and he picked the kids up without a word to me. I thought it odd he didn't even have the courtousy to say hello, but it never occurred to me that he would have taken issue with the fact I brought the kids to my home for a few moments!
SO as far as I am concerned this is just a BAD SIGN of him MENTAL HEALTH as he TENDS to be this PARANOID person, and it indicates to me that he is in that paranoia phase and sort of playing CHESS with me as he clearly views me as an ADVERSERARY!
That REALLY is SAD for the kids!
So I have to look up what the "punishment" could possibly be for that allegation. It might seriously just BE WORTH it to TAKE WHATEVER IT IS as it indeed might be LESS INTRUSIVE AND DISRUPTIVE TO MY LIFE AND HAPPINESS THAN BEING PULLED INTO LITIGATION AND BEING SUCKED INTO HIS ISSUES!
At this point I KNOW THE KIDS WILL ALWAYS BE ONLY A PHONE CALL AWAY and I am very comfortable with my relationship with them both. I don't think ANYTHING he or his mother can do can really ever threaten that! I think therefore that to invest my time and energy in other people's unhealthy issues might just tap energy and be more negative than it's worth. I am PRETTY DARN SURE that the JUDGE would have to READ THE READ ORDER which STATES "PRESENCE" which is VERY DIFFERENT than "ACCESS" as the allegation of not living up to the visitation order very carefully and intentionally changed the language to. A judge should not be dumb and should pick up on that subtlty in a MOMENT and not even really need to deliberate much over the fact of this !
To me this is just so clearly NOT A VIOLATION as the kids were never IN WESTELY'S PRESENCE. They also REQUESTED TO COME INSIDE so it would be hard to claim they have some great fears.
I seriously think JEALOUSY may be one of the greatest motivators here! Katerina commented that "THIS IS THE PERFECT HOUSE! IS THERE ANYTHING IT DOESN"T HAVE?"
To which I said "No, I guess not."
So I can just IMAGINE the kids being so excited and going home thrilled to describe our marvelous house here. They then DID get to play in the back yard for a few moments WITH THE GIRLS as I finished putting groceries away and watched them from the windows. They all had a blast and I swear those ten minutes of playing together were wonderful for them all and none of them seemed to REALIZE just how short of time it was since they were just so excited and happy to be playing together.
It really WAS A WONDERFUL VISIT- in particular because of that 10 minutes of PLAY TIME with all the siblings together! I WAS WATCHING HOW HAPPY THEY ALL WERE And thinking at the time how those few moments made it so worthwhile for them to have driven here! (I felt badly as before then it was solely grocery shopping which isn't much fun!)
I think if their Dad restricts my access to them successfully based on that it will not be lost on the kids that there is manipulation going on and that as I indicated before there are some who TRULY CARE ABOUT THEM and others who have SELFISH GOALS which have little to do with what the kids want and/ or what is really in the kids best interest.
I also think that as they grow it will not be lost on them that I have NEVER discussed their Father or Grandmother in an ill light. Soren indicated he was HURT that noone ever told him his father is an alcoholic before. His DAD recently told both kids the truth of that and of the meetings. I told Soren and KAterina that I didn't because that is "THEIR DAD'S PERSONAL ISSUE WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU, and that it was not my place to discuss his issues with them."
I know that as they grow they will not forget the example of how both Westely and I were GRACIOUS AND SUPPORTIVE of their Father and Grandmother's involvement and even went out of our way to invite them to things in OUR COMMUNITY. They will certainly at some point be aware of the contrast.
But for now, I am going to enjoy SEWING CURTAINS with these adorable ducks for Sadies new bathroom! Westely recently finished her bedroom and bathroom and my parents will get to stay there a few nights. They have a hotel tonight to ENSURE a fine rest after travel but are then staying here. My machine was broken so I couldn't sew the curtain. I picked it up today and am looking forward to this project as well as sewing with MOM who will be just THRILLED to do that with me! Alexy is in SERIOUS NEED of some clothes so it will be great fun for Grandma to sew for her! Pajamas are on the agenda for starters (As I have had her sleeping in regular clothes the past month!)