2006-11-27 - 11:37 a.m.

A guest entry as I am posting an e-mail my oldest brother sent me that I think worth passing on to others to ponder (edited only to add psudonames of some):

Hi Msafire,
>
> How's your new life going?
>
> I know you've had a lot of contact with Westley lately, and it's
dificult to
> move on, but I want to reasure you that both your lives will get
better once
> there is a complete and total separation. I remember after the first
time you
> tried to save youself and the children from the abusive realtionship,
Dad
> used
> that phrase. He said "The only way this will work is if there's a
complete
> and
> total separation."
>
> I know that's hard for two reasons we've discussed. One is the
> legal/monetary
> issues. Talk to John when you feel compelled to make contact about
some legal
> issue. He managed to go through his divorce with less then the
average amout
> of BS in my opinion. The main point is that, even if it means
getting say
> $1,000 less per month in child support, if you have one less
conversation
> where
> your exposed to the abuse, it's worth it. The money will come in a
better
> way,
> from a better place.
>
> Whenever I am worried about money, or make a foolish move where I
lose money,
> I
> take comfort in Matthew 6:25-26 :
>
> "Therefore I bid you put away anxious thoughts about food and drink
to keep
> you
> alive, and clothes to cover your body. Surely life is more than food,
the
> body
> more than clothes. Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow and
reap and
> store in barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. You are worth
more than
> the birds!"
>
>
> The second reason it's difficult to leave is what you called
"obligations of
> marriage". Mom said that you said something about "unconditional
love".
> Keep
> in mind that the most loving thing you can do for Westley right now is
to end
> the relationship. Staying with him is not love. He will only begin
to heal
> when you've both moved on. Ultimately, this can only happen with
> forgiveness.
> Once you forgive Westley, the bitterness and anger will change to a
fresh
> perspective, and you will attract new and healthy relationships into
your
> life.
> Ask Doctor Phil:
> http://www.match.com/mfb/lifenotes.aspx" target=_blank
>http://www.match.com/mfb/lifenotes.aspx
> (listen to "Learn to Forgive and Free Yourself to Move On")
>
> Or if you prefer the old adage, possibly from the bible as well, "If
you love
> someone, set them free."
>
> Anyway, I'm sure you've had these thoughts already, but it doesn't
hurt to
> reinforce them from time to time. Don't forget that your free now to
contact
> your brothers or anyone for that matter at any time now. You're on
track for
> a
> great life, and we're all looking forward to sharing that with you.
>
> Love,
>
> Mike

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