2007-01-06 - 10:10 a.m.

YEsterday morning Katie missed the bus. So as we were driving to school and Raitlin announced, "Today is Bible School. Lets go to my Bible School"

I said, "Ok. We'll go check it out and see if we can."

I did have a matter of DOCUMENTS to be PRODUCED to the opposing counsel to review on my agenda. They were due LAST Friday along with the INTERROGETORIES I was proud to have finshed then and e-mailed off to my attorney's paralegal. (OK-so I DID forget the actual "attachment" of my completed interrogatories in my initial e-mail! But I realized it, and after the next 40 minutes of waiting for AOL DIAL UP to successfully load I re-sent it! DIal up at home REALLY TAKES that LONG!!)

I was also ESPECIALLY proud that I LISTENED to the paralegals advice to SEND THE DOCUMENT to him and the lawyer for review rather than IMPULSIVELY E-MAIL IT TO OPPOSING COUNSEL to be there at 5 sharp.

So it indeed will be late once finally received. Especially as after I was done with that I moved on to LIFE and prompty FORGOT ALL ABOUT THAT MATTER.

ONce off my plate... things tend to sit stagnant for a while until I stumble across them again. I mean I really didn't think about that for days until I got a call from the paralegal that I need to come in and SIGN the document to be sent. OH YEAH!!! But then I got busy with the girls and forgot to call him back for a few days... OOPS...

Thus a reason when I am working I NEVER TAKE PHONE CALLS AT WORK. I FOCUS and then don't drop the ball on things OTHER'S DEPEND ON.

So typical... I love the reality of my many wonderful friends who are these amazing counselors and lawyers who help so many others but can't keep their own lives together.

Why at some point I realized its a crazy notion for me to look for work as a paralegal.
I need a paralegal.

I did love the fact that when I finally DID find all the documents floating around my so called organized office space to hand in to my attorney office for them to review and send over to opposing counsel for the "Production of Documents" piece, that there was a PARTNER there who asked if he could help me who replied when I asked if the file I had could be passed on to my helpful paralegal on my case, "GIVE it to him, I'll lose it if you give it to me."

WHAT A GREAT ANSWER!
IT TOTALLY CRACKED ME UP

I LOVE THIS FIRM FOR A VARIETY OF REASONS... ONE BEING THAT AFTER I HANDED IT OVER I SAID " Thanks one last thing" and scooted around to the candy jar and said "You always have the best dark chocolate here! I picked the right firm"

And grabbed a piece and left.

What is funny about that interaction is that a friend advised me NOT to go with the firm I choose. This is perhaps a sign of really entering adulthood- when your peers know all the professionals in town who are locals as they used to party with them in high school. When your peers remember them being late to class, irresponsible and perhaps at some distant embarassing moment twenty or thirty years ago drunk at a dance....

etc...

But the thing is... Alcoholism is highest among lawyers and priests. Go figure..

My friend was fair in saying his assessment was likely not a fair one. He was honest in the fact he just felt like he knew this particular partner TOO WELL in that other context. HE just couldn't imagine the RESPONSIBILITY and FOLLOW through being there. He said he worried about things getting done timely... and not being dropped.

All the limitations I personally CAN UNDERSTAND which made me all the more empathetic as I said "Yeah- but that's the lawyer... and that is what one hires a good PARALEGAL for! It's a different role. The lawyer is the big picture guy, and if they have good support staff to me what is most important is how a lawyer presents in the courtroom."

All the rest can be outsourced.

Nothing can substitute for being sharp and quick on your feet, not missing logical flaws in the opposing counsel's presentation and having the ability to gracefully and articulately point them out while presenting your own clear sound argument.

Perhaps that's what I'd LIKE TO THINK is the most important attribute of a lawyer because that is my strength... So maybe I am deceiving myself....

But damn, I will certainly be sure to hire a good paralegal and hope I am correct when I open my practice.

If anything was confirmed in the process of preparing my INTERROGATORYS, it is
I KNOW I CAN'T BE ONE.

OFF TO STUDYING.....The process of typing interrogatories is a highly motivating one!

But one last thought. In honor of a friend who told me as she was discussing men how she is

"ready for some Chocolate"

Hmmm... She has a flair for spicing up life so to speak and her WASPish EX she is trying to get over was so European that she mentioned this attraction she has had for other cultures...

I think there is NOTHING like good sex to make a woman (maybe a man too) feel satisfied and at peace. I am not sure what it is... but at least for some of us with an appetite... it can be such a calming thing. (Maybe its that ADHD trait which I have read can contribute to those who seek sex in an impulsive and irresponsible manner which I thankfully never have experienced due to the strict Catholic guilt I was gifted to be raised with!)

For women, while its not a substitute, and perhaps best with a cup of coffee AFTER good sex, there is at least CHOCOLATE.

SO this morn as I enjoyed the warmth of coffee and the pleasure of Lindt & Sprungli in my mouth, I loved the quote on the label and thought

THIS IS WHAT I WOULD LOVE TO FIND IN A MAN

" Excellence embodies the passion of Master....selection of the finest qualtiy...cobined with craftsmanship and expertise, culminated in a gourmet, par Excellence... in a full bodied dark chocolate, masterfully balanced to be neither bitter nor overpowering."

My friend will love that! (She'll also laugh at the irony that comes from the European" Chocolatier Suisse Depuis 1845" label)

In any case, I think the description also apt for what I hope to BE IN A LAWYER NEITHER BITTER NOR OVERPOWERING BUT MASTERFUL

It also made me think of my attraction to one who woos my in Espanol...
For starters, It is always alluring to think of anything that can help motivate my self full of potential but prone to distraction to actually do the hard work of sitting still to STUDY ANYTHING.

When meeting the dancer and struggling NOT to succumb to temptation I at one point after a fun and flirtatious phone conversation in which he did start to speak in Espanol, said
"No dice, no jugador"
thinking at least I could harness this attraction into a motivator to seriously study Spanish as I have WANTED to do for years!

So I really thought about why it was that I got so .. well .. turned on just by him talking to me in Espanol!

I though of PAVLOV's conditioning and was just amazed at how his theories seem so true! It brought me back to moments in college when my NON LOVER... wooed me in ESPANOL but had the temperence and self control to push limits and walk away even when my body language wasn't congruent with my brain and the words I spoke. WOW I rememeber the absolute BEST NON SEX I ever experienced... just that intense desire and foreplay and never actualizing the incredible libido that was awoken in me. WOW now that was a young man of character... who of course my relationship with ended after almost a year of that frustration.

So I recognized that my interest and perhaps TRUST was informed by that PAVLOVIAN RESPONSE.

And then I had an even more startling revelation that occurred to me as it came out in this writing at some point. I had written about dance of my recollection of my teacher who really helped me grow and stretch having YELLED at me in ESPANOL when she got frustrated with my lack of discipline. WOW was she hard on me. (And only me it seemed at the time. And in hindsight I realize was actually not a misperception. I don't think any other student moved her as much as I did, motivated her as much to want to teach and help me grow, yet also FRUSTRATED her as much by my lack of discipline!)

So I thought "THAT's What I need! A dance teacher to yell at me in ESPANOL! Kick my butt in so to speak as she did"

And I thought... I need not look to a guy, but need a good WOMAN Teacher to avoid the temptation, and she needn't be SPANISH SPEAKING... that is merely what made me COMFORTABLE with this dance teacher, and what also made me ATTRACTED to him due to to the wonderful memory of the NON LOVER of college.

So I thought of a girl who opened a studio in town I read about and realized I NEED TO MAKE THAT A GOAL- FIND OUT WHEN HER ADULT CLASSES ARE and take a class for me. (LIKE I WANTED TO AND SET AS A PERSONAL GOAL A YEAR AGO NOW!)

I thought it marvelous when THAT VERY MORNING after thinking of that, I liteally happened to meet a woman and struck up a conversation. She then started talking to another woman about dance classes and it turned out that HER DAUGHTER is the one who opened the studio. One of her daughter's current frustrations is that the adults who start DON'T STICK WITH IT. They come for two or three classes and then don't show up anymore.

It was one of those really cool moments for me.

This brings me full circle back to where I started this entry (before the sidetrack of discussing ancillarly legal issues and sexual attraction etc...)

OK, to admit, sexual attraction isn't really an ANCILLARY topic.

I found it MOST apropo that Raitlin was so INSISTANT "WE ARE GOING TO BIBLE SCHOOL TODAY!"
when I quickly FORGOT her request and started heading for home. I said "Oh- YES WE ARE!" then added "I mean,we will go see if we can go, We might not be able to, but we can find out."

It was 9:15 on Friday morning when we entered the church that the CBS BIBLE CLASSES are held at. The coordinator was there at the door welcoming us with the hesitancy that "Oh you are so welcome to jump right in mid session, but I have to check with the children's classes to see if they have room."

She seemed to warm up at Raitlin's enthusiasm and insistance and said "I'm sure they have room"

(To be honest I think her inital warmth was genuine but then she remembered my NAME and perhaps the FACT I WAS A FREELOADER as my hubby at the time refused to economically support this activity two years ago contributed to the hesitancy which was exhibited ONLY AFTER I GAVE MY NAME. I pick up on those things pretty quickly. Yes it DOES cost them money for materials--especially for FOUR kids as I had that many in the program last time along with myself! But one day when working I am sure I will then be able to make a donation to more than make up for this! I think the fact it is now TWO children to attend was a relief to her!)

So I put off my assembling of interrogatory documents with the peace of mind it will get done (and knowledge to try to get it done with the little girls at home with me all morn would likely not only be unrealistic but to set myself up for frustration and anxiety !)

Instead, our Fri morning was spent pondering what I found most incredible to be the LESSON of the day

JOHN 7, Commentary entitled "The Importance of Divine Timing"

discussing how "Isn't it wonderful that Jesus did not capitulate to any temptation or intimidation"

and reading the passage of the adultress at the well, how adultry is sin for which under mosaic law both parties are guilty and should be stoned to death! (Whew.... a good reminder!) Even IF she was set up, the woman was STILL guilty .

Jesus was set up as he was teaching to handle the dichotomy betweem Law of Moses, and the Law of the Roman Empire which dictated that the Jews, being a conqured people under Roman Law could not exercise the death penalty. So his loyalty was being tested...as to which law he would follow.

His handling of it demonstrated not only forgiveness, but respect for BOTH autorities. He said "HE who is without sin, cast the first stone" in support of Mosaic Law, and yet not condoning her behavior and at the same time not defying Roman Law.

In any case, I found the "divine timing" of a number of things the past few days to be remarkable. I've said it before, that I have this sense of being where we are supposed to be that to me is often too "coincidental" to be explained by any other way than having faith in the hand of God in our lives.

I also think that the other talk that was given at the Bible Study was so applicable as it focused on SEEING the light of Christ. We are drawn to light. All of us are by nature.
In darkness it is difficult if not impossible to ignore a light which breaks in.

However, as was pointed out by the example of a little girl given a switch to play with that was not connected to an energy source, it IS POSSIBLE to go through motions that are futile and don't achieve anything EVEN WHEN THEY ARE THE RIGHT MOTIONS which one would EXPECT to have a response. Like the little toddler given a switch by Grandpa (so she wouln't keep playing with the one on the wall), It is POSSIBLE for some to be led to where they need to be, and to STILL BE CLOSED amd to go through the MOTIONS without and real connection so that the "light" isn't really turned on at all.

I think of it as akin to being stuck in that toddler stage, when the ME ME is still being developed that there is not room to be open to letting others in.

God also can be shut out, even if leading us in the right place where we are meant to be.

As long as disconnected from God, those flicking of switches won't do a thing.

Reminding me of the God=M c 2 precocious notion I had when reading Einstin at age 12....

I still like that explaination of God as the source of energy and light and goodness that we can either tap into and connect with or shut out due to our fear of being blinded by the brillance.

As for me, I feel energized and happy and at peace this morning. That leads me to believe that I have followed the lead I was offered and indeed have ended up where I was meant to be.

And I don't think it crazy to believe as I have at a few poignient moments in my life that there is indeed a hand of God present in my life.

I started out the new year with all my children by my side. We jouneyed back to bring Katerina and Soren home, and then the younger ones and I had a marvelous afternoon hiking at Letchworth Park. It is called the Grand Canyon of the East by some, and indeed is an exquisite gem not known by that many worthy of such a comparison. We hiked alongside the gorge and waterfalls and as the sun was setting the full moon arose. It was a brilliant remarkable moment of envisioning both the sun and the moon illuminating sparking, glistening waterfalls with the ebb and flow of the water and movment of the earth. We were blessed to start off our NEW YEAR with that experience.

I am blessed to start of my New Year in PEACE and JOY and with AWARENESS and apprechiation of God and those in my life.

�

�