2007-02-11 - 12:26 a.m.
WHOO HOO! The week without water has come to an end.
First we ran out of fuel and had the one night where I was thankfull that we had a wood burning stove and a stack of ready seasoned wood to burn.
My coffee friend called that weekend and was concerned and offered to help. He indicated he has a five bedroom house and offered for me to bring the girls there that night if it got too cold. I declined but apprechiated the offer. It was very sweet of him to tell me he would do anything needed or requested to help, yet that he also respected that I had to just work this out myself and not rely on anyone else (other than my brother!!)
He had offered to let me use his house and said he's go hang out in the basement if that made me more comfortable for the girls. I hadn't planned on even telling him we had a heat issue, but then he did call that night and I am just so horrible at not being honest and horrible at keeping secrets! I just can't! So when the right question is asked about anything I prefer not to mention, I stink at skirting it.
I send him a message thanking for his chivalrous offer but that I didn't want to be a damsel in distress looking for a prince to save me.
Thankfully I realized that this friend DOES NOT have boundry issues himself. Unlike those that do, he appears to be rather healthy in that area and that means after a while I realized I could maintain my friendship with him as he won't push to cross boundaries of where I am comforable.
So he is awfully cute when he calls me to chat on his way to his Fri or Sat night dates with a new woman he is meeting... or maybe one he is having a 2nd or third date with, as I don't get the DETAILS of those dates, but it's fun to tease him about them. Its cute how he calls to talk and we laugh often and have fun and he is accepting of the fact I am neither in a position to have a relationship other than friendship nor do I think I SHOULD at this time as I need to personally heal and grow a bit more first (even if I were available, which I am not as of yet!)
We do immensely enjoy flirting though which in itself is a blast. and a little kiss and holding of hands doesn't cross that boundry for me so I can handle that when it naturally occurs! (He IS very sweet! A guy who can kiss playfully and simply and apprechiates that.)
I remember once someone asking if I ever had a "kissing friend" as they phrased it. I never understood it at the time, but I get it now. It's that date, but not committed boyfriend or girlfriend, and not serious relationship as one or both are either not in a place to be able to offer that, or are just not interested. So the not really just platonic, but primarily platonic with a hint of more to possibly come to fruition if the conditions are right, which is not the current status quo.
WHEW that is hard to articulate with any clarity.
Perhaps that is because those unclear relationships often don't work as they leave at least one person fustrated wanting more!
We laugh about how if we meet at church we can keep it safe and "avoid temptation"
I laughed as he called me today and left a message, and when I called back he was driving to the Patriot Center to see a game. He clearly had a date, so I teased him a bit. It was a 4pm game, so when at 5:30 I got a text message asking "Which mass tommorrow" I had fun teasing him by texting back
I also said "Uh oh, game or company must not be so hot if u r text messaging me..."
But I also thought he might be juggling his dates, I am the platonic but flirtatious and fun not really available one, sohe might assess I don't deserve the prime time spot which is reserved for the AVAILABLE women.... and he was invited to make plans 4 tommorrow as his date WAS going well, and so he was seeing what to plan around. Hmmm...ANd palotonic or not, I admit to not liking to be second fiddle! I mean not it if is a "kissing friend" HA I laugh at how I so get that term at this time of my life! I never before understood that as I never before would EVER kiss anyone if I wasn't both absolutely available and absolutely interested in a relationship without encumbrances!
I think WAY TOO MUCH. Anyway, I just don't want to be TOO AVAILABLE, and spend too much time with this guy as I do want to avoid becoming involved in any relationship until I feel like it is the right time.
Also, I did this Match.com thing for 2 weeks only as an attempt to mentally get to the point of moving on. I e-mailed anyone interested that I am not really available for romance, but seeking to casually meet people in an effort at a healthy step of moving on with my life.
I didn't mention it was because I also kept getting approached by men and that I didn't want to trust any of them as they could indeed be a SET UP from my soon to be EX would would LOVE to have some grounds to not be accountable to me for support! In VA a defense that precludes having to pay spousal support is adultry! So while I was not inclined to that... I felt these repeated advances from men that seemed so contrived to me may in fact have been contrived!
So I thought it safer to avoid that type of situation by myself enhancing my social life a bit with people I HAVE APPROACHED and met.
The only problem is that it ends up this guy, my nice church going neighbor, did indeed approach me first. So I still have that nagging mistrust and think how dumb that I ended up flirting with someone who approached me as there would not be a shortage of services due to cost.
OOPSS THAT LAST LINE THERE WAS OBVIOUSLY ONE OF THOSE NARCOLEPTIC TYPE FALLING ASLEEP THEN WRITING OF THE DREAM STATE I WAS IN....
I think it hilarious that I fell into a dream of "shortage of services due to cost".... Dreaming of financial analysis? THAT IS A HILARIOUS FIRST FOR ME!
Funny as I came on line REALLY to update my finances! My subconsious is kicking in and telling me to get to it!
But first. the biggest news of all which is what I INTENDED TO WRITE ABOUT:
I LEARNED ON FRI HOW TO FILE AN APPEAL TO THE VA COURT OF APPEALS, and I indeed met my own personal (and procedural) deadline of FEB 9 to file a notice of appeal to the trial court judge for the decision rendered in my case on Jan 10.
I AM VERY PROUD of that accomplishment. I discovered the procedure at around 2pm on FRI, and by 4:30 had appropriately filed my NOTICE OF APPEAL regarding the matter in the trial court. By 5pm I had mailed copy of notice to opposing counsel and the Appelate Court in Richmond as necessary.
I told a friend once, "When pressure increases I take care of myself"
Indeed. No one has such an interest as I do in my own well being.
I AM GOING PRO SE. BOTH FOR THE APPEAL AND THE REMAINDER OF THIS DIVORCE/CUSTODY BATTLE CASE.
On Thu at the PENDETE LITE hearing the judge did grant TEMPORARY CUSTODY of the girls with me, did maintain the current living situation rather than kick me out of the house as my soon to be EX was arguing for, DID indicate it likely the nuptial would stand but that he will entertain any further arguments on that matter via pleadings in writing, and denied spousal support. AMAZINGLY WESTELY ARGUED FOR SOLE CUSTODY CLAIMING THAT ONCE I WAS KICKED OUT OF WHAT HE CHARACTERIZES AS SOLELY HIS HOUSE THAT I WOULDN'T HAVE A PLACE TO LIVE WITH THE GIRLS OR INCOME TO SUPPORT THEMp>
I also was granted a CHILD SUPPORT ORDER based on the VA child support act formula imputing my income at ZERO and his income as he stated it. (Not adjusted for him paying the mortgage and any maintenance of the house)
So I SHOULD be getting a check, but of course am not holding my breath as I expect it to not come until FORCED to .
HE ignored the inital verbal order to provide for his family and turn the phone back on made in the temporary PPO hearing by the Judge of the Juvenile and Domestic Realations court in the past. So I have come to expect nothing less than his ignoring the court order of support as in the past.
He also filed his RESPONSE to the pleadings for divorce that same morn, so I have no idea what surprises await when I read through that.
I just didn't trust that the results of THURSDAY'S HEARING really offered any securtity to the girls and I as the judge also said regarding the nuptial that he heard two hours of argument and felt there was more to be said regarding that so he was allowing for pleadings to be filed with any further arguments to be considered.
YEah,, like perhaps the argument I told my attorney to make: The one based on FACTS that she ignored and the one that incorporates and offers ACTUAL PRIMA FACIA EVIDEDCE that is ADMISSIBLE rather than the equivalent but INADMISSIBLE secondary evidence she stupidly tried to enter when ignoring the NOTORIZED paper I was trying to give her....
Yeah, like perhaps the argument that is cognizent of the fact a NUPTIAL signed after marriage holds full faith and credit just as a PRE NUP signed before, so it would be a waste of breath and sound REALLY DUMB to make any issue of that. (which she did sounding like an idiot)
Like an argument that DOESN't attempt to demostrate that the nuptial was not unbalanced and unfair by giving EVIDENCE OF MY ASSET OF THE JOINTLY HELD PROPERTY WE OWNED TOGETHER WHEN SIGNED! (AS REGARDLESS OF THE FACT IT WAS SOLD WITHIN MONTHS OF SIGNING AND I NEVER GOT A CENT FROM THOSE PROCEEDS BUT THEY ALL WENT RIGHT BACK INTO THIS PRIMARY HOME THE EXISTANCE OF THAT PROPERTY THAT SOLD FOR A MILLION DOLLARS REALLY DOESN"T MAKE ANYONE THINK WOE IS ME FOR HAVING SIGNED A NUP... POOR LITTLE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF GAL....NO it bolsters the APPEARANCE that it was a FAIR AND CONSCIENABLE AGREEMENT!)
So I indeed look forward to Filling in all the GAPS around the zoomed in snippets my attorney seemed to so carefully show. There was no doubt in my mind whose interest her argument were furthering!
I still don't know if it was HER INTENTION OR NOT however to present such an image... or if she really was so weak on this area of the law as she never had to argue it before. It was just so clear that she argued losing points that were CLEAR in VA law. It was clear she IGNORED ME every time I tried to communicate with her DURING the hearing, and never once paid attention to the flow I was trying to point out where I jotted CLEAR refutations of points made, and she IGNORED the PRIMARY EVIDENCE I pulled to support the refutation argument.
I left realizing that I was indeed a serious contender at STATES for a reason... And there are likely alot of lawyers out there who are mediocre at trial technique practicing. And there are likely some STELLAR ones at trial technique who are not yet practicing as they have shitty memorys and can't hold all 22 areas of law in their head, or can't stay awake , or sit still long enough to get through the BAR EXAM.
I looked at my FLOW which was inspired by reading my other attorney's from my PPO cases which made me realize I hadn't put on that thinking cap but deferred too long and that I was DONE with not taking control of my case.
So I have dismissed my counsel, and look forward to preparing my pleadings to file ASAP so the REAL REASONS the judge should consider overturning the nuptial can be heard.
I NEED to fill in the puzzle that thus far is only a few pieces close up.
No one else can do it. For they can't see the forest beyond the trees. They haven't been living at our home on our forest hidden road.
I believe to them the REAL forest is what they think of as a mirage, when in reality they have been sold on is an idea of a life which didn't exist. They tthink my many statements of things that occurred must be unreal as what I wrote at one point is different than a discription of events another time. What is sad is that these different accounts ARE ALL TRUE and are all from temporally different times, but its too much for them to keep track of it all so they more easily believe that they have heard "inconsistencys" from me and therefore I must be not credible!
Its sad that because in one petition I listed acts of violence as being spat at, cursed at, grabbed by forearms and thrown across the room,
and that on another occassion I then described having a jewelry box thrown at me,
and then yet another occassion I descriped having a heavy pot (one used for spagetti) being thrown at me, hitting my hand and breaking dishes in the dishwasher and terrorizing the little girls,
but that is "inconsistent" with my testimony that my husband has SLAPPED my daughter in the stomach so hard to leave a raised welt in the shape of his handprint...
and because these ARE NOT CONSISTENT IN TERMS OF ONE STORY OF ONE INSTANCE OF VIOLENCE BEING SPAT OUT AGAIN AND AGAIN, but if I am aked what he did I might recall one of the many acts one time, and on another occassion I might recall a DIFFERENT of the many acts of violence - that then they all seem unbelievable!
Well they all seem to be a consistent response of VIOLENT AGGRESSION on Westley's part to me. There seems to be NOTHING INCONSISTENT in that fact that he was so volitile and abusive that he CONSTANTLY TERRORIZED HIS FAMILY. THERE'S NOTHING INCONSISTENT IN THE FACT IT WAS SO OFTEN AND SO FREQUENT THAT EVEN I COULDN'T KEEP TRACK OF EVERY INSTANCE. (I tried to log violent acts after 2004 but didn't really do so consistently so many incidents are not in that document! I didn't include most of the INCIDENTS AND DETAILS here at this site.)
To me it should be too hard to realize THAT THERE WERE SO MANY INSTANCES IN THE AGGREGATE that it would have been ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO LIST THEM ALL ON THE ONE FORM AT A SHERIFF'S OFFICE OR ANY ONE PLEADING
UNLESS OF COURSE I OFFER INTO EVIDENCE AND IT IS ACCEPTABLE EVERY DAMN JOURNAL I DOCUMENTED THE ACTS OF VIOLENCE IN.
Since this one was mentioned in litigation, my attorney SHOULD HAVE DONE WHAT I ADVISED and then asked for THE TOTALITY of each entry mentioned to discredit me to be entered into evidence.
SHE IGNORED ME.
When Westely's attorney pulled ONE ISOLATED LINE out of a given entry it was taken out of context by him to try to make me appear to not have any legitimate issue.
So cross examination went something like this
"Did you write here that you think your husband is a OUTSTANDING PARENT, ALL IN CAPS for emphasis"
So I answered with the firm conviction the emphasis was intended for
"Yes I do as he is an OUTSTANDING PARENT, UNTIL the point at which he becomes abusive"
My favorite quote of all to try to discredit was kind of funny though. I t was pointed out that I wrote at one point something to the effect "Westely is so non threatening! I realize his issues are just SO MUCH about him!"
I mean really, the very use of that term implys there was at time the person HAD BEEN THREATENING so the contrast is now being pointed out!
I mean REALLY ...just imagine if a woman is describing her husband, or her new boyfriend " Oh, my husband is so wonderful he is just so non treatening! "
"Mom, Dad, I can't wait for you to meet my new boyfriend, He is just so non threatening!"
I found it hilarious that the attorney seriously quoted that as if it was in Westely's interest!!
It reminded me of the question often quoted of a perfect cross ex question "Sir, when did you STOP beating your wife!"
Why, has he not stopped?
I really found the quote of mine to be equally silly of Westely's attorney to raise!
But most of all, it was disconcerting when I INSTRUCTED my attorney to ask for the journal entrys referred to to be entered into evidence she ignored me. The particular ones mentioned IN TOTALITY would have been helpful as they did substatiate some things more clearly and would have not been damaging to me at all (as the one line taken out of context was intended to be.)
Heck I better unlock this as maybe the judge will get curious. WHo knows, it turns out ever lawyer ended up getting curious and visited this site. If he does get so bored and think about this, he can then read on and perhaps recognize that there was indeed ALOT MORE TO our story than was told.
His gut instinct told him that.
I was at such peace entering that hearing. I knew that I was in good hands.
I literally felt we are indeed in GOD'S hands, and that he was indeed taking the lead on this case. I had this sense that EVEN IF I had the worst attorney in the world, justice would be served. I had the feeling that NO JUDGE would throw me out of my home, and no judge would take the children away from me- NO MATTER WHAT WAS SAID OR NOT SAID IN THE COURTROOM.
It would just be SO WRONG that I felt that it could not possibly happen.
Aside from a support order and the temp custody (with joint legal of course), the children are excited to have increased visitation with their father from Thu night to Sun Morn starting next weekend.
That made the girls happy as they are very angry at me at perceiving (likely due to Westley telling them this over and over again) that I have somehow prevented their father from seeing them.
Its strange but the school principal and the kids seem to have this notion. The kids say "Daddy says..." so its clear where they get that idea from.
Anyway, the last time that game occurred was this Wed when my attny called and I told her I couldn't talk then as I wanted to leave the line free for the girls to talk to their Dad who they were hoping would call.
She was quiet and said a surprised "OH"
He of course didn't call that night but like most WED nights left them disappointed.
I wish he would consider THEM in this sick game of his. Their anticipating his calls that don't come. YES it makes them miss him all the more which is of course what he wants as he then thinks that it makes them talk of how much they miss him which he thinks will help his custody case. But sadly he is once again only thinking of himself, and isn't considering how hurtful that is to them, and that their yearning for him is due to the repeated let down and disappointment and their FEAR of him not being present which is so acute.
That's a horrible thing to do to your children. To let them down and BREED anxiety and fear that they won't see you!
God all kids NEED BOTH PARENTS. THEIR WHOLE SENSE OF SELF AND STABILITY IS ENTWINED WITH THEIR PERCEPTION OF EACH OF THEIR PARENTS! So it just breaks my heart to see Westely play this game with the kids as pawns who are being so hurt by it.
Time to sleep now. I had alot of ground to cover tonight as I haven't written in a while.
BEst news of today is that the water works! The filter needed to be changed and I tried but it was TOTALLY STUCK ON TOO TIGHT TO GET OFF! Our water pressure was gradually decreasing and I discovered it was due to sediment in the filter. So it was changed. Then it happened AGAIN, and I discovered there was a bad joint and corroded pipe with holes on them near the well in the ground... those were replaced, but the water stopped AGAIN as the sediment kicked up due to the well work AGAIN clogged the filter. At least I had sense enough to bypass our water softener system and not run the water into any appliances when it was a murcky mess... so hopefully once it settles in a few days everthing will be back to normal regarding our water.
Thank goodness I had stocked the house with "Emergency" provisions so was prepared with a dozen bottles of purified drinking water. All week the water from the spigot was also clear so I was able to run the dishwasher on heated wash, and boil water to rinse and we had no trouble with that. All week I boiled water to bathe the girls each morn. All week I filled the basement laundry and kept running laundry which was a ton of labor hauling buckets, but worked. Ironically our kitchen floor was mopped more than usual (as Katie also got into a cleaning frenzy one day and deceided to mop a few days after I had.... what mom in her right mind would ever thwart such inspitation in a five year old!)
So the girls game of the previous week of "Lets pretend we are poor and we need to use wood to heat the house" was continued and expanded to "Lets pretend its the old days and we have to get water from the well and heat it on the wood stove each morning to bathe"
The girls are such a blast! What they will remember of these last two weeks will likely be the time they had more fun PRETENDING to live like Laura INGALLS when we were reading Little House In the Big Woods which we just HAPPENED to be at the end of! (REALLY! WONDERFUL CONINCIDENCE )
I just realized my knickname when I was the front end manager at Waldbaums in High School was "Laura" on account of my long praerie style skirts I used to always wear then... Funny...
If they could only see me now with my own little explorers running around the farm with me gathering kindling!