2007-09-07 - 8:25 p.m.

Possible danger of microwave popcorn?

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/05/us/05popcorn.html?ex=1189828800&en=c5f2914b607ddcee&ei=5070&emc=eta1

When I read articles like this I almost always expect to later find the topic on URBAN LEGENDS of those which are old wives tales without credence ...

but nonetheless, I am glad that even thought I thought it a bit paranoid of my husband's one attorney to be afraid to use a microwave, I am happy to still be in the habit of popping corn on the stove top and adding our own melted butter .

Of course I melt the butter in the microwave... HA HA

This article reminded me that I forgot to make the popcorn for our Fri movie time OOPS! Thankfully the girls didn't miss it. I put on JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR for them.
The DVD was one of my early birthday presents from my lovely companion who is not able to spend my birthday with me as he is on a vacation out West. He is off on a hunting excursion this week.

He was sweet to give me some presents before he left.

One of our first dates was seeing Jesus Christ Superstar at Wolftrap a few months ago. It was a marvelous surprise when I met this man in total avoidance of a relationship with Blackford. HE was my date to make the point I am not going to get serious. He was my date to attest that Blackford and I were CASUSALLY dating, but I was going to stick to my guns about not even considering a serious relationship FOR YEARS. He was the date that threw that plan.... the unexpected which came into my life when I least expected or WANTED it.

Its STILL the worst time in the world to start ANY relationship.

So its NICE that he is out of town for a while. I LIKE THAT at this juncture.

If I were ALREADY divorced I might not be so thrilled with the time he is traveling. But at this point in my life I am PLEASED with that! It makes it SIMPLER for me.

He offered to just call me in six months. But he said he's prefer not to, and I told him I thought it OK if I move on with my life at this point as long as we both are wise and prudent.

So I am so happy with this wonderful man in my life.

And I finally came up with a name for him in my writing for now. Its not perfect, but better than "The sweet guy" or "my man" or " my hippy boyfriend"

For now, I will call him GEORGE.

He loves to come up with cute affectionate knicknames for me based on romantic movies ... such as STANDS WITH A FIST when I am stubborn, or SABU when he sees me as sexy and wise....

So I am going to call him GEORGE after the boyfriend in ELLEN BROKOVICH.

I joked with him the other day as he was playing house with Alexy for hours while I was pursuing a professional lead and opportunity. He was so cute- as she cooked for him, and tucked him down for a nap on the couch and read him a bed time story. He played with her for hours and right after lunch SHE conked out exausted after imaginative interactive play all morning while I worked at my stuff.

HE was SUCH a SWEET help to me that day!

So I called him George and JOKED
"Just call me when the baby starts to talk"

In a total wise ass crack (as perhaps one of the greatest fears of his life has been of fatherhood, and a great fear of mine would be to have an unplanned child!!! UGH!!!!!)

and reminded him that Ellen Brokovich HAD to have that singular focus if she were to achieve what she did. I said "I am sure she hoped it was worth it and her kids didn't suffer"

So George it is for now.
I think it a humorous knickname, although it isn't just PERFECT for him for a number of reasons:

HE is MUCH Handsomer than George
He is employed (and has been consistently with the same employer for years.)
HE has a MUCH nicer bike than George (HA HA... that was thrown in just for the laugh of it. That's the kind of comment he would love as it stokes the make ego....)
And I haven't yet found a job so haven't relied on him for child care while I go to work.

I have to re-watch that movie as to be honest I don't remember enough of the details. I think I though of the analogy this past weekend however when we had just a hilarious experience during which I thought I was dressed like Ellen Brokovich was represented in the movie (in real life she likely wasn't quite as over the top white trash style... I mean I bet she never REALLY wore such loud outfits based on having seen the REAL Ellen Brokovich in person once at a law school somewhere.)

Last Friday night we had a MARVELOUS time going to the Smithsonian LATIN JAZZ NIGHT.
I had no idea if it was an indoor or outdoor event. George also had never gone. I had gotten lost once trying to make it there months ago (that's another story!)

So when I heard the AD on WAMU for that event I immediately called George and asked "Can you take me to hear Jazz in D.C. tonight?"
He is SO LAID back that he always says YES with delight at any whimsical last moment plans (such as his "SURE" when I said "Hey any chance you can have a group of teenage boys from Venezuela stay at your house this week? " for that International Youth Concert. I KNEW THEN I LOVED THIS MAN who just went along with such GRATITUDE with fun plans!)

George and I had a WONDERFUL time at the concert which ended up being outdoors. In a departure from the norm, he suggested I actually pack an overnight bag for a change and plan on staying at his place. That was a first for me, and I guess I am a bit out of practice at planning to stay anywhere. I forgot a few essentials. I was SO THRILLED that he happened to have the drawer from old girlfriends who had left old stuff that accumulated. So on Sat morn it was truly amusing to me to find MErry's old CHANEL perfume, and Colleen's old deoderant.

I did think it was a hilarious phone message that George left for his also bachelor tenant who lives in the guest cottage when he called him at around 9am and said "HEy Do you happen to have any girls shoes that were left at your place?"

I thought he was CRAZY to call... and he said "He's a bartender... you never know, some girl just may have left a pair that fit you."

I commented "Not likely-- unless he is a REAL jerk I imagine most female guests would leave with their shoes"

So there we were, getting ready for the morning plan of going on a bike ride to a spot he wanted to take me to for brunch in the country-- a real local, yokal down home southern place you wouldn't guess was ever there unless someone clued you in, and I didn't have any other shoes but the gorgeous spiked RED PATENT LEATHER HEELS that I Specifically purchased to go with my hot $8.00 e-bayed, size 4, sexy red dress that I got to do the tango in. (Perhaps the best advantage of my ridiculous adderall and angst induced weight loss has been that NORMAL WOMEN DO NOT WEAR SIZE 4 and NO HEALTHY WOMAN SHOULD EVER ASPIRE TO WEAR THAT SIZE and therefore clothing that size is wicked cheap on E BAY because for some bizarre reason women THINK they SHOULD be that size and have this delusion of thinking if they buy something that size they might be inspired to lose enough weight in some wacky unhealthy fad crazy diet to fit the dress.... which never happens thank God as many of them would faint with low blood sugar... so instead they stress over a bit of extra weight, e-bay the clothing in a salient moment of reality, and no one else bids on those items as NO ONE ELSE IS UNFORTUNATE ENOUGH TO REALLY BE SO EMACIATINGLY UNHEALTHILY THIN. One other reason I waver over whether the adderall is worth it... I mean who WANTS to CHOOSE to be a thin stimulant induced twig intentionally?? I think it is NOT attractive. I think it is NOT sexy to hold a bony frame. I think women DECEIVE Themselves... but I digress again... likely as I am not on that ADHD med which seems to curb such digressions HA HA)

I put on my jeans, and spiky red heels, and just for effect more makeup than I ever wear and laughed as I said "I guess there are actually women who REALLY dress like this intentionally!"

He laughed and said "yes there are, but I don't usually date them"

We actually had such a blast with the humor of it. I said "Just call me Daisy" and all morn as we drove on his Harley did my best Daisy Duke imitation.

The really hilarious part was when we pulled into the place for bruch it said LIVESTOCK AUCTION and looked like a big old barn.

There were only a few cars, and lots of barn and field. I was very confused as I asked "Are we where we are going for breakfast?"

He smiled and said "YES! I Knew you would love this place"
and we entered, walked through what was a cement floor and felt like a warehouse, into the most marvelous hidden gem. The coffee cups boasted
"NO BITCHIN IN KEVIN'S KITCHEN"

and there we were, in KEVIN's Kitchen where there was a cheerful, plump, older waitress that served us the largest plates of artery stoppin southern biscuits and gravy I ever had. They got the order wrong and brought a plate of bacon and hash browns instead of the eggs Benedict I ordered as the cook misread the waitresses scrawl. No problem, no one was perturbed, that just meant they brought the third plate of eggs Benedict just as I finished the one mistakenly brought and had forgotten about the corrected one on its way.

George and I fit totally in chattin with the lovely toothless lady across, and the old man next to her. They loved his T SHIRT that said "STOP BITCHIN, START A REVOLUTION"

I saw that T SHIRT in D.C. The night I was in China town and had to watch a late night movie since I couldn't recall where I parked my car. Seeing a movie until the streets was clear was a perfect solution which worked wonderfully. Earlier that evening a guy asked if I wanted the T SHIRT , from some organization I think called ZENDICK which I have to someday google. I said YES! I LOVE IT! and he said "$10" and I said "OH, I am sorry , I misunderstood, I thought you were giving them away for free advertising."

He said "Sorry darling" and I chatted a while about what the organization does. Cool concept... which I loved... and forgot all about. I couldn't recall the organization OR its mission. So I was THRILLED when GEORGE put on that T SHIRT this past weekend!

So after that marvelous time in a place I envisioned hopping with moonshine come nightfall.... we took off on the bike, and it was CLEAR there was no time to make it back to my house BEFORE 10AM.

Now the rest of the agenda of the day was to aggressively house hunt.

My first appointment, and likely the most important one, was for 10AM that Saturday morning.

It was at a beautiful 4 bedroom house IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD which is FOR SALE. The owner listed it for rent for $2400.00 a month.

I told my Dad and GEORGE about it and Both discouraged me at looking at it saying "You can't afford that" and "why waste time" etc...

I replied "Because he will NEVER find anyone to rent it for $2400. I will look at it and offer his what I can afford. He can take it, or leave it vacant and keep paying two mortgages."

I knew that the place I looked at MONTHS AGO which had FIVE BEDROOMS and a FINISHED ATTIC WHICH IS REALLY A SIXTH was STILL VACANT after they turned me down when I offered their asking price of $1850 a month . I knew I could tell the owner that place is still on the market, and equivalent, and he can take a risk-- or take my money. I knew I could tell him that I am amenable to getting it spic and span and showing it to Realtors for him to continue to try to sell.

I knew he would consider my offer.

So the hilarious thing was that I thought it most important to BE ON TIME.

So we drove up to look at this place on the Harley, with me wearing the spiked heels and red lipstick.

And the real irony is that I now have a lease and am meeting the owner this SAT to hand it over.

CRAZY UNEXPECTED LIFE.

I think I am about to close a deal renting this amazing home, in this neighborhood at $600 less a month than the owner hoped to get.

Until that Sat I have been SO STUBBORN in looking for a place BY MYSELF. I REFUSED to have help from GEORGE or BLACKFORD or my COFFEE FRIEND who e-mailed offering to help take me around.

My stance has been BACK OFF ENABLERS OF THE WORLD GO FIND OTHER DESPERATE NEEDY WOMEN TO SAVE I AM GOING TO SUCCEED ON MY OWN AND THANK YOU, BUT I DON't WANT YOUR HELP

IF YOU PROFESS GREAT LOVE FOR ME GREAT

MAYBE YOU WILL STILL LOVE ME WHEN I AM NOT NEEDY AND YOU CAN'T SAVE ME, AND THAT WOULD BE GREAT. MAYBE WHEN I AM INDEPENDENT AND SECURE AND NOT VULNERABLE YOU WILL STILL BE INTERESTED

IF SO GREAT....

BUT UNTIL THEN, IF YOU CARE FOR ME, BEAR WITH ME KEEPING YOU AT A DISTANCE AND BEING FIERCELY INDEPENDENT.

That was my mantra.... but then I started to panic with each turn down of every offer I made to rent a place.

With every rejection of an application I finally listened as Blackford called one day and said "I know I am an analytic organizer and need to make a plan- its what I do, but bear with me: YOU NEED A PLAN STEP ONE GET OVER THE FACT YOU CAN't GET A PLACE ON YOUR OWN STEP TWO DECIDE WHO IS GOING TO CO SIGN AND ASK THEM
STEP THREE FIND A GODDAMN PLACE ALREADY....THERE IS A TON OUT THERE AND IF YOU DON't FIND ONE THEN YOU ARE INCAPABLE"

Thank you Blackford for the kick in the ass of my stubbornness!

I was reminded of the story of the guy who prayed for help and upon arriving at heaven's door aske "WHy have you not answered my prayers!"
God exasperatedly said he had turned HIM away at every opportunity...

So when Blackford and George and Buffy and Pocahontas are throwing me oars I have decided I had better grab on and start paddling.

So this time, I made it clear I had a CO SIGNER for the lease. I went to look at places WITH GEORGE. There was an implicit message that he was there to support me as well as my co-signer.

I swear his presence actually HELPED make the landlords and Realtors we met with on SAT MORE RECEPTIVE in viewing me as a viable potential client with which to do business with.

A marked departure from the response I got when looking at places ALONE and then filling out applications and mentioning the four little girls.

That reality might be unfair.
That reality speaks of many issues in our world.

But I am living in this world, and until I have opportunity to CHANGE it, I have to be able to SURVIVE in it. I have to be able to SUPPORT my children in it as it is.

The time to change it will come. Maybe sooner, and maybe later. But for now the best start toward that goal will be to have a place to live.
I have to secure the bottom rung of MAslovs needs before aspiring to those higher up... HA HA....

Although I still think at some level those who have NOTHING TO LOSE are those who have the greatest freedom of all. With nothing to lose, there is NO RISK at being bold. There IS NOTHING TO FEAR. and THERE ARE NO LIMITATIONS OR CONVENTIONS TO HOLDING ONE BACK IN TRULY AFFECTING CHANGE.

WITH NOTHING TO LOSE ONE NEVER HAS TO WORRY ABOUT WHOM THEY WILL OFFEND. ONE CAN SPEAK THE TRUTH. ONE CAN UTTER THE UNTHINKABLE WHICH IS REAL BUT WHICH WE CAN BARELY FACE.

So there is this paradox. I know that no matter WHAT the outcome, I will be in a place of strength.

I will graciously and gratefully do whatever it is I am called to do at any given time. If it is remain home with my girls SO BE IT.
If for some reason I am called to do other work at this time I will embrace that with enthusiasm and faith and zeal.

Either will be a gift and a wondrous opportunity for me which I look forward to with delight and great hope and joy!

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