2007-09-09 - 6:08 p.m.

DARN $70 in Non Sufficient Funds FEES

It would have been nice if my child support checks were ever on time.

I have NEVER received one by the 1rst of the month. They are usually dated as mailed on the 4th or 5th of the month.

So this is particularlly late to have not received my Sept child support payment.

I hoped it would have been here.

Sadly one bounced check was for only $24 -- a payment to JC PENNY to pay a bill of $100 which I spent a few months ago after Westley insisted I return all the Blue towels that had been his prior to our marriage.

Who keeps track of every towel and asks for THEIR towels back when divorcing and they have kids that need them?

He is so damn petty.

But I didn't complain and just bought new ones. Thankfully they were on sale-- so even with the $35 fee added on now that I bounced a check for their payment, these new fluffy white thick hotel like towels are a luxury that I think are worth it and we are lucky to have.

The bouncing of the check to VALLEY DRILLING which has been so kind as to accept a monthly payment of $150 a month until I pay of the $1300 on the bill of the repair of the well is more disappointing. Its disappointing as if I were more of a jerk I would have insisted my landlord pay that bill to keep the water potable. Instead when he refused to take care of the problem despite the fact his KIDS live here and you would think he would CARE that they have potable water, I just sucked it up and have been paying for that. I figure it is not worth the expense of even having a discussion about this with his attorney.

On that note
FOR ANYONE WHO IS A VICTIM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND SEEKING A DIVORCE

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF

AND GO PRO SE

I swear that is the ONLY LOGICAL THING TO DO.

I swear I have THROWN AWAY $10,00O at least in hiring an attorney.

No one will believe in you LIKE YOU. YOU WERE THERE YOU KNOW THE TRUTH AND THE REALITY

AND NO ONE ELSE WILL WANT TO HEAR IT

But moreso, attorneys spend a ridiculous amount of money negotiation and entering into "settlement" discussions they will then bill you for over nonsensical issues.

I just got a letter that my attorney SPENT TIME IN COURT over an "issue" of whether my husband has to disclose ACCOUNT NUMBERS on the FOUR ACCOUNTS he has revealed.

NEVER MIND THAT HE HAD A DOZEN ACCOUNTS LAST I RECALL, and that he has only DISCLOSED the FOUR without any assets in them.

Never mind that it CLEARLY A POOR JUDGEMENT CALL, or an INTENTIONAL ONE TO SUCK UP ASSETS to GO TO COURT OVER SUCH A NON ISSUE

LUDICROUS

NEVER MIND that to achieve FULL FINANCIAL DISCLOSURE

A SIMPLE CREDIT REPORT COULD HAVE BEEN GENERATED

LIKELY FOR FREE (but at most for $50)

But that would be TOO COMMON SENSICAL

And would render the whole "Profession" of LAWYERING MOOT

So instead WE PAY TONS OF MONEY for LAWYERS TO "Negotiate" OVER NONSENSE

THE kind of NON ISSUES I wouldn't waste more than 2 seconds on. So trivial I IGNORED the e-mail regarding it thinking " this is not worth me PAYING money for my lawyer to get MY view on. HE MUST HAVE COMMON SENSE!"

But folks YOU PAY UP THE WAZOO AND GO INTO DEBT TO ALLOW OTHERS USE THEIR COMMON SENSE TO FIGHT ON YOUR BEHALF.

And when the opposing counsel wants to ACT NONSENSICAL, EVEN THE BEST ATTORNEY HAS NO CHOICE BUT TO RESPOND AND BILL YOU FOR THE DANCE OF PLAYING THE GAME THE OTHER WANTS TO PLAY

I have called it akin to chess before.

But the strategy is really not nearly as complex as Chess. Its a simpler one of the opposing counsel PLAYING DUMB AND BEING DIFFICULT AT EVER TURN with the CLEAR intent of BANKRUPTING YOU.

My first attorney knew and understood the game well.

I respected him and BELIEVED HIM

But I thought it STILL worth it for me to continue to litigate, as in the end the safety and health and well being of my children is MORE IMPORTANT than and ECONOMIC SECURITY.

So it is with amusement that I now watch this game and opened my recent bill-- which was NO surprise as it indicated that the $10,000 is burned through .

Now I am in the red with my attorney as well. Who indeed IS A FINE ATTORNEY I suppose, but who has to get paid SOMEHOW!

I still wonder why courts haven't figured out a simple Social security statement and Credit Report could just be ordered BY COURTS THEMSELVES and streamline the whole discovery process of setting child support without all this nonsense of so called "discovery" which would be more apt to be called "Delay and obviscation stage" of divorce trial prep.

But that would be too simple, right?

And we can't let the secret out-- lawyers really don't have any SPECIAL KNOWLEDGE.

Shhh.... don't tell anyone....

I made that mistake when meeting potential clients for visa work and being HONEST.

HONESTY ABOUT THE TRUE BENEFIT OF LAWYERS WOULD RENDER IT AN EXTINCT "PROFESSION"

What I love is the quote I recently got from my attorney when he indicated he will not argue at my divorce hearing that the nuptial should not be implemented . He said "You don't get two bites at the apple"

That's right--

REMEMBER THAT

AND IF YOU ARE A VICTIM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE WHO LEFT IN AN EMERGENCY SITUATION AND ARE SUBSEQUENTLY GETTING A DIVORCE DON'T FORGET IT

DO NOT HIRE AN ATTORNEY

YOU ONLY HAVE ONE BITE AT THE APPLE

ONE CHANCE ONLY TO TELL YOUR STORY AND SEEK PROTECTION

NO LAWYER CAN TELL YOUR STORY LIKE YOU CAN

AND NO LAWYER WILL

SO Don't make the mistake of outsourcing the greatest responsibility you carry YOURSELF to protect yourself and your children.

YOU HAVE TO TELL THE STORY YOURSELF OR NO ONE WILL HEAR IT. PLAYING THE GAME OF "OPERATOR" when safety is at issue is like playing Russian Roulette.

Its STILL not as bad as staying in an abusive situation though!

Despite this all, it feels WONDERFUl to be able to LAUGH about it.

It feels WONDERFUL to not have to WORRY for SAFETY and live in constant hyper vigilant visceral fear of survival mode.

It feels WONDERFUL to know that the decision to LEAVE was indeed the best one!

It feels WONDERFUL to be able to LAUGH at the folly and fear of the system to handle the reality of our human nature: that abuse is not as uncommon as they want to pretend. It DOES not feel wonderful for that reality to be ignored, but it feels ENCOURAGING to know that CHANGE IS INEVITABLE IN ALL LIVING SYSTEMS WE EITHER CONTINUE TO GROW OR START A PROCESS OF DYING

AND IT IS EXCITING TO THINK THAT AS FAR AS THIS ISSUE GOES I CAN HELP US ALL GROW IN BOTH AWARENESS AND IN ADDRESSING IT.

To not have any other loyaltys but to God and truth and justice and my own family places me in that wonderful state of being truly FREE to work to affect that change.

So I am excited to make my voice heard and to tell all women that I DID BETTER WHEN I WAS PRO SE in this litigation than when I doubted myself and hired attorneys!

That is the truth.

And it is not over until it is over.

We only do have one bite at the apple.

What I hope my attorney realizes is that he has an opportunity to take that BIG BITE -- not just for ME but for the good of the growth of society regarding this issue.

A ruling made in the MIDDLE of a proceeding which is INTERLOCUTORY is MOST OFTEN just UPHELD at a FINAL HEARING

BUT NOT ALWAYS

AND LIKELY WOULD NOT BE IF THERE WAS EVIDENCE TO CONVINCE OTHERWISE WHICH WAS PRESENTED AT A FINAL HEARING WHICH HAS NOT YET BEEN BROUGHT TO LIGHT.

MY ATTORNEY HAS SUCH AN OPPORTUNITY.

HE COULD PULL ALL THE CRIMINAL CASES from LOUDOUN courts and present them. (THERE ARE THREE OF THEM)

HE COULD ENSURE THE WITNESS OF A RESPONDING OFFICER AND THE PHOTO OF MY DAUGHTER's WELT in the print of her father's hand are PRESENTED at that final hearing.

HE could ENSURE that evidence of this as our family home is presented.

He could CALL WITNESSESS

HE COULD CALL THE WITNESS OF THE JUDGE WHO ORDERED THE PPO initially and who HEARD the evidence of testimony of my husband's FAMILY which ATTESTED to abuse (whether they intended that or not! Saying "He just placed her outside gently" when it was JAN in Upstate NY in the twenties in the snow and I was not wearing outside clothing or shoes is rather STRONG evidence of spousal abuse!)

FRE 406 indicates JUDGES And LAWYERS MAY BE CALLED AS WITNESSES

Those are the things I would do if I WERE continuing to run my own case.

Those would be the things I would do IF I HAD TIME TO DO THEM AND WAS NOT FOCUSED ON THE GIRLS and IF my first priority were not to help with homework, comb hair, brush teeth, clean girls in baths, play and read with them, cook healthy food, ensure a healthy sleep routine, and clean my house...

OH yeah.... and seek a new home before OCT 5 when I get kicked out of this one.

Oh yeah... and try to find work or a source of income, or continue to borrow from family who support us.

Yet the good news is that I DO NOT FEEL LIKE WE ARE AT THE BOTTOM OF MASLOV'S triangle any more.

You see, the thing to do is GO PRO SE AT FIRST and WORK ON GETTING A HEARING AND RESOLUTION ASAP!!

The good news for me is that at this point I am not fighting tooth and nail as I AM AT PEACE and honestly just DON'T MUCH CARE about this litigation which in the end is SUPPOSSED to be about the girls needs, yet to date I have only heard emphasis on MATERIAL stuff.

I DON't GIVE A HOOT ABOUT MATERIAL THINGS, AND NEVER DID

So that is just not worth my time!

That's the truth.

I outsourced as I can't be bothered after investing what time I could on litigation.

I KNOW That I will be able to provide for my family. Maybe with a bit of help in the short term, but I know in the end all our basic needs are going to be met.

And instead of focusing on the material, which is all litigation is REALLY ABOUT
I have chosen to focus on THE SPIRITUAL.

I had days where I COULD have prepared for trial, but I went to BIBLE STUDY And PRAYED INSTEAD.

Even if I end up homeless in the short term, I wouldn't change that choice for a minute.

Because in the end, an extra hour of trial prep may have made no difference in touching the hearts of a those in the man made role of making choices.

But that hour of prayer did touch my spirit and yielded peace for myself and my children.

Prayer and faith and nurturing our spiritual life is what I think provides a better foundation for us all than any amount of trial preparation I could have done in my case.

After I cross examined an attorney and the judge had to REMOVE himself saying "Evidence is being presented that strongly questions the credibility of an attorney I know, so I must remove myself from the bench" , and THE PRELIMINARY RULING STILL has not been in my favor, well I figure all my trial prep won't mean a thing. YOu can't GET a better possible outcome from a cross examination than that!

After I DUMPED dozens of nametags labeled SPEAKER and PRESENTER and indicating affiliations with dozens of companys in my husband's recent years when he had just said "I have been a stay at home DAD" and PRETENDED he was not in the work place but the one HOME with kids-- and the judge ruled those tags NOT ADMISSIBLE AS EVIDENCE

Well--- it was clearly over for me. YOU CAN'T HOPE FOR A MORE EFFECTIVE MOMENT OF DISCREDITING A PARTY AND ESTABLISHING LACK OF CREDIBILITY THAN THAT!!

Writers of legal drama try to IMAGINE such compelling moment for the WIN of the underdog.

So after that-- it was clear there was nothing more I could do that would make a difference.

If in the fact of THAT EVIDENCE this court chooses to use their discretion , which they have the LEGAL POWER to do, well there is not much sense in me wasting my energy and time.

ITs better spent NURTURING MY SPIRIT AND COMMUNICATING WITH OTHER WOMEN.

FOR CHANGE CAN OCCUR

BUT ONLY WHEN THERE IS EMPOWERMENT OF A GROUP

ONCE IS AN OCCURANCE
TWICE IS COINCIDENCE
THREE TIMES IS A PATTERN

AND ALSO A CLASS ACTION LAW SUIT

AND ALSO AN EMPOWERED GROUP WHICH THEN CAN HAVE A STRONGER VOICE TO EFFECT SOCIAL CHANGE

So right now I don't care if I lose MY CASE.

IF I DO it places me in a LARGE GROUP OF WOMEN WHO HAVE LOST.

AND WHAT THAT DOES IS EMPOWER ME IN A WAY THAT A SHORT TERM WIN WOULD NOT.

Its not really that hard to read transcripts of cases and note the clear patterns.

I am SURE there is opportunity for the legislature to look at the issue of whether STRICT adherence of FRE and NARROW construction of looking at ONLY A MOMENT of signing a nuptial is warranted in cases of domestic violence.

Right now I look forward to raising my girls.

I feel like I have an avocation.

Some said to try to change the system would be like banging ones head against the wall.

I responded "I have a thick skull."

I also joked "If I am homeless and lose custody of my children I would also then have UNLIMITED TIME TO DEVOTE TO THAT PROJECT"
And in doing so would not only REGAIN custody but improve situations for MANY MANY OTHERWISE HOMELESS WOMEN who now inhabit our shelters after leaving situations of domestic violence.

ITS TIME FOR "HER STORY"

ALL OF THE HERS OUT THERE.

Maybe not NOW.

MAybe I will retain custody and have a great place to live next month, and AT THIS TIME continue to focus on home cooking, home work, and bedtimes being priority. If so- then HER TIME WILL COME.

I Might put this project on the back burner while I literally have stew pots taking priority on the front. But that only means that it will be stewing very slowly on the back burner, and as any cook knows, in such cases- when ready it will be rich and impactful.

I won't let this pot boil over or burn!

I shall serve it when it is ready to those who are crying out for not just FAST FOOD for sustinence which our culture is settling for, and which is falling short of what we all REALLY WANT! I intend to REALLY ENRICH And MAKE MY OFFERING to us of something substantive and enriching-- not just a quick fix for our hunger which doesn't really satisfy-- but I intend to be a crafter of SOUL FOOD.

That which is inspired by my very soul which sees we ALL Deserve MORE. WE ALL DESERVE DIGNITY.
WE ALL DESERVE TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST.

But for now, in the short term, I am off to call the children to the table.

The stew of venison brewing with spices, and cooking wine, and wonderful garlic oil and seasoning and carrots all of which came from the good will of neighbors and a wonderful place called INTERFAITH RELIEF has been simmering on my front burner.

IT is ready.

And my family is enjoying the abundance of our beautiful life full of love and support of others.

WE ALL ARE CAPABLE AND DESERVING OF SUCH

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