2008-07-13 - 6:55 a.m.

I have tried to not write about litigation of late, thinking that this will soon all be over and not wanting to invest energy focusing on it.

However I was still being dragged into court on the matter of not having paid my husband's attorney's fees in the appellate matter which I lost, and on a matter he raised ostensibly under the same divorce case I am the plaintiff in when he lied and claimed I had intention of moving the girls out of their wonderful school.

I really thought the school issue would never go to trial as it was not a legally ripe one, since there was no attempt to move them and the fear of such was a manefestation of his paranoid personality.

But I was wrong on that account and it did get scheduled for trial yesterday. However they somehow managed to hear the case on MONDAY when I was not there and it was resolved then. Nice. My understanding was there was to be a PRETRIAL CONFERENCE on Mon. I did screw up and forgot all about that and missed it. THE WORST ADD MOMENT OF THIS WEEK. IT was on my calender, but of course I left that at work on Friday and my frontal lobe really has been imparied just a bit.. To be honest it was such a dumb case seeking somehting I WANT anyway....so I really just didn't invest energy in worrying about it. Perhaps I was TOO Flippant! My husband's attorney was trying to get me to sign an agreement that had the language in it "children must be enrolled in school of father's residence"

SO even though the last thing I would dream of doing is moving the kids from the school that I think provides and extra degree of SAFETY for them, I wouldn't SIGN that and therefore just because he brought the case based on lies it had to be heard.

That school provides safety as it is SO SMALL and the teachers are all aware of our issues... they saw them back when Katerina and Soren were little. The principal is fantastic. Its the place where when I was being verbally abused in front of the building the principal came to the door and stood there watching and then made it clear to the abusive man that if he did that on those school grounds he would not tolerate it. The principal called me at home to see if I was OK after witnessing the abuse.

Frankly, other than a few strangers in the Bloom parking lot who I noticed watching with there cell phones in hands ready to call if the verbal abuse escalated, I apprechiate that he was the only one who ever actually intervened. The teacher who indicated she was very concered about Soren years ago saw the indicators of abuse BEFORE I DID. She raised the issue before I was even fully congnizent of it being so pervasive. Its a place where the teachers care.

And that means its a place I feel is better for my kids to be than any other. Any other school will be larger and they will just get lost in it. The girls will be seen as the well dressed wonderful overachievers they are and everyone with just assume their family has it all together. I LIKE that their emotional needs are not ignored at their current school. I LIKE that there is understanding of the nurturing and love these girls need. The First Grade teacher in particular is so amazing that I hope she doesn't retire before our youngest is in her class.

So while it was odd to me that the case was heard and an order came through on July 7 when I expected it to go to trial yesterday, its not a big deal BUT FOR THE FACT ONCE AGAIN I AM SLAMMED WITH MY PARANOID WACKY EX'S ATTORNEY FEES

That's incredible to me. That he can bring up a case based on lies and then win it and have me have to pay for it.

But I think that was possibly the motivation in bringing this to court in the first place.

The good news is that the judgement in this matter indicates the girls MUST go to the school where he resides, but ALSO has a clause with his property plot and indicates this is only relevant for as long as he lives there.

WHEW I am glad that is in there as I had e-mailed his attorney and asked "IS a move in the plans?" As in trying to figure out WHY he would LIE to get this to court it occurred to me that another possible motivation was that he plans on moving and wanted a ruling that the kids must be in his neighborhood school.

I hope that is not the case. I think it COULD still be a possibily. For regardless of that language that says it is relevant for now, it sets a precedent. HE is not an idiot.

SO I predict that house will be on the market in a year or two.

He's a long range planner.

He CLEARLY was planning for divorce LONG BEFORE it finally came to fruition. And what he LOVES to do is MANIPULATE other people to get what he wants and PRETEND that it was THEIR IDEA... RIGHT

Some of us see through all that bullshit.

Too bad the Judge didn't. He was just manipulated. Now it appears it was HIS IDEA to have the ruling as such.

Now what is even weirder is that on the Circuit Court Web site, and in their very own computer There is an error on the stylus of the case once again.

It lists HIS ATTORNEY AS MINE. ONCE AGAIN I AM THE PLAINTIFF IN THIS ACTION AS IT WAS RAISED UNDER A MOTION TO REOPEN THE DIVORCE CASE

SO ACCORDING TO THE ELECTRONIC RECORD once again IT APPEARS that I had representation.

An interesting caveat in our imperfect court system. It is an entity that is just like all other human systems: Only a reflection of our human nature, both good and bad, and not beyond the limitations of our natures.

But as I told a friend who was so upset by all this, It is STILL the best we have. At least here we are not SHOT when violating a law.

No-- Here the worst that can happen in JAIL.

Incidentially , the OTHER matter is likely of more interest .

Last month my child support check was late (not by alot)- but enough that I had to pay a $195 late fee to my landlord. I did CHOOSE to incur travel expenses of $300 to fly the oldest two here for the summer. True that was priority for me: After rent, gas to get to work, and child care. (I happen to owe the wonderful local child care center $1500.00 outstanding at this time as I don't even make enough after taxes and other expenses to pay them!)

However despite an income and expense sheet that indicates my expenses exceed my income, the opposing counsel argued child care costs are DISCRETIONARY as the girls DAD is available for free!

(WOW THATS A CHANGE FROM THE MAN WHO REFUSED TO EVER PROVIDE CHILD CARE FOR EVEN ONE HOUR WHEN MARRIED SO I COULD GO TO A GIRL SCOUT MEETING WITH THE OLDEST OR EVER DO ANYTHING ELSE WITHOUT KIDS IN TOW! HE IS SUDDENLY HAPPY BEING MR MOM!)

I hope the judge doesn't agree with that cost as being "discretionary"

For becasue I didn't adhere to his previous order to pay monthly he has held me in contempt. (I really just didn't have it unless I don't pay OTHER BILLS like my bank loan and credit lines--- which the opposing counsel advocates I Do)

But this is the kicker. I suppose as I was considered impertinent in not having paid, the judge ordered the papers to be prepared to issue my ARREST SHOULD I NOT PAY WHAT HE ORDERS THIS TIME AROUND.

Yet he didn' say from the bench what that will be- whether a payment plan or the lump sum as my husband's attorney is asking for.

I suppose It WAS impertinant after that ruling that I did comment

"All in the best interests of the children, RIGHT?"

So I just hope the order comes through with a payment plan.

I STILL don't know how I can possibly pay even $300 a month unless I start defaulting on other things. Seems I will have to do so. I will just have to stop paying my credit cards I ran up for necessities over the past few years.

I already gave up my cell phone and still owe Sprint $450 for that. The fact is that I only started working four months ago and for two years went in the red to keep us in LOUDOUN based on the court order (ALSO BASED ON A LIE ALLEGING I MIGHT MOVE THE KIDS TO FL) which was a MOTION TO ENJOIN RELOCATION OUT OF LOUDOUN.

(That was funny... I can hardly convince my folks to visit for more than two days, and its hard to convince them to even stay with us rather than in a hotel!)

But it will all work out.

If I go to jail maybe there will be a reason.

Like calling attention to the fact that there is a SERIOUS PROBLEM in our society in handling the issue of domestic violence.

The officers allege the problem is women rarely follow through in seeking protection and going through the courts to seek justice.

CAN YOU BLAME WOMEN?

There is a huge problem of evidence: OFTEN THE WITNESS IS DEAD

When she is ALIVE there is a burden of PROOF AND IF NOT PROVEN THEN SHE IS SEEN AS NOT CREDIBLE IN OUR BLACK AND WHITE DICHOTOMIZING COURT SYSTEM

The real irony here is that I recall those fingers on my throat when I was thrown up against a wall in NY and screamed at "I SHOULD KILL YOU"

I got free of the hold and COULD have called the police then. Its true I didn't. I didn't because I thought "HE HASN'T KILLED ME AND I AM GETTING OUT OF THIS BEFORE HE DOES"

And I KNEW I WAS STRONG AND WOULD GET OUT

BUT MOST OF ALL, we were planning on going to VA in a few days. I KNEW if I Called then in NY That my girls would have a Daddy in JAIL.

I honsestly did not think that was in their best interest.

So now if for some reason they end up with their MOMMY in jail as I couldn't PROVE his abuse and I can't PAY his legal fees...

Well then , I have to say in hindsight, perhaps that was the one choice that I will look back on as having been a mistake.

The one good thing that can come from this however is that I believe with the court order Loudoun County will now HAVE to provide bus transportation! WHOO HOOO! That would be AWESOME! I in fact considered the possibility of ditching my car and hiring a driver to do that. I thought it would be MUCH cheaper. My work is on a bus route. If I have in home care it would be a great fiscal move. This may have been incentive to just do that. So the way I look at it, paying the attorney fees in that matter may be the SAME cost as I would have spent on a driver, and now I get bus transprortation. So it all works out fiscally the same and just might be the catalyst to make that smart fiscal move I thought about but was relucatant to do. I already take the bus to work a few days every other week. Once kids are in school it will be easy to take it to work daily. I believe there is a reason for ALL THINGS... maybe this was the catalyst I needed to get my reciepts organized and REALLY figure out my ACTUAL expenses and budget. My Volvo COST $9500 in MAINTENANCE REPAIRS THIS YEAR I knew it was the lemon of the Volvo and Consumer REports gives it all black circles in their assessment of the 99 V70 Wagon, but until the opposing counsel commented he couldn't just accept my estimate of $250 a month for car maintenance, I hadn't tallied the years receipts in the aggregate. It comes to $850 a month I have spent on car MAINTENANCE.Add on insurance and gas, and my choice to take the bus I made a few months back which some thought nuts is now clearly a wise one! Bedides, I love to read on those commutes! SO live is STILL GOOD and I will get through this next kink. Should I land in jail, there will be ample time to take in yet a few more novels... and then perhaps some domestic violence advocacy group will get involved and perhaps there will be a reason. Often current policys and systems need to be carried out to the extreme in order for people to realize something is broken. Whatever happens can be harnessed to be for the good in the end: Somehow or another.

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