2009-11-20 - 8:22 p.m.
I followed a link from an acquaintance who teaches Scream Free Parenting ( a counselor) * Figures I always have so many friend who are counselors. Funny I made a new friend recently and she gave me her card as she wanted to get together again, and when she handed it to me I had to LAUGH as she happens to be a counselor at the VERY SAME practice that my EX went to years ago for anger management, and I went to for personal counseling years ago. However there are so many counselors there and I am sure they keep confidence...so I just won't mention that little fact to her! But really, what are the odds that I have this penchant of attracting into my life counselors, social workers or alcoholics into my circle of friends? Truly almost all of my friends have fallen into one of those three categories! Its just weird...
If they don't fall into them. then they often have a PARENT who is an alcoholic, counselor or social worker... ACTUALLY here I am just being funny about the later two, but the part about having a parent OR GRANDPARENT who passed on a family legacy of alcoholic or enabler behavior IS TRUE.
Thought this was a really nice site:
Trouble is, that is not what I NEED.
I need to find the THE OVERCONFIDENT MOM site to help me!
What does an AWESOME MOM do when she NEVER loses her cool? Never flips out at her kids, but is truly patient and loving and CONSISTENT with doling our natural (or invented) consequences for maladaptive behavior which USUALLY work with kids in teaching and training, yet the kids STILL seem to have nothing but anger for the mom?
The overconfident mom believes that LOVE IS STRONGER THAN DEATH ... in both the literal and figurative sense. Love is stronger that anger; Love is stronger than spite; Love is stronger than manipulation; Love is stronger than vidictiveness; Love is forgiving; Love is empowering; Love is stabalizing; Love is steady; Love is known; Love is clear and focused; Love is ATTRACTIVE; Love will compel; Love is powerful...
I could go on and on , as the OVERCONFIDENT MOM WIlL TEND TO DO.
The overconfident MOM believes that NOTHING CAN THREATEN LOVE
For she believes that TRUTH SHALL BE KNOWN
and that So FEW things really are TRUE
but God and Love which are the central core of our being that we all really are stiving to attain as actualized in our lives.
The overconfident Mom recognizes that when one has that sense of connectedness to God and a feeling of joy that results that SOMETIMES there are those few who just can't grab onto such inner peace and happiness that it does INITIALLY (when they are still in their early emotional developmental phase) creates ANGER... This can be seen most often in a THREE year old who has a tantrum as they can't grasp hold of something so scream " I WANT IT NOW!!" with fists held tight in the fighting mode ( or the instinctive flight mechanism mode at times).
The overconfident Mom sees that those who are EMOTIONALLY stunted in their development ( perhaps cause they were abused as children so were not allowed to develop safely...) then turn to use of POWER to try to capture that which they can't grasp, and sadly at time when they cannot attain that inner peace then strive to destroy it in others.
The overconfident MOM so strongly believes such an attempt is FUTILE and will only further erode the angry ones sense of peace and inner stability, that such behavior will NEVER BE EFFECTIVE and is never to be seen as a threat.
I hope that in fact there never is such a thing as the overconfident mom! I hope that though is just a small fear being manifested and that the belief that one should NEVER act out of fear is a grounded stable one. I know too that at times there can be GOOD that comes out of acting out of anger- such as rightous correction of social wrongs. If Rosa Parks wasn't angry at her mistreatment at some level, I don't think she would have felt compelled to act as she did by the very still strength of her choice. Her anger transformed into a peacefulness of purposeful, confident choices.
Likewise, I at one point DID feel angry when one of my children recently said she was "Afraid" to come home from school with me and the school counselor thought she was "protecting" her. I did call the sheriff when angry thinking "Enough is Enough. This nonsense has to stop" and then had assistance in enforcing my custody order after the weekend in which it was violated when one of my girls WAS NOT handed over to me by her Father. I was angry that he spewed nonsense to her that the hospital where I had brought her for treatment of illness was a place that as he said "Is for kids with psychological problems and they give them DRUGS that can kill them."
I recognize that the action of having brought her to the pediatrician for a behavioral eval, and then my choice to follow the recommendation of Loudoun Peds for inpatient treatment WAS MET with FEAR. The suggestion that anyone in my Ex Husband's family could possibly have a mental illness is VERY THREATENING to him. I recognize that the subsequent behaviors of now three out of the four girls are a result of his FEAR. Today one of the little ones refused to get in the car with her sitter. When asked why she told me "Daddy said to walk home to his house."
My nanny told me that she heard her say "Daddy told me to run away to his house"
Well... he is the apple of her eye right now (which is developmentally NORMAL and the way its supposed to be at her age!)
I cracked up when the sheriff came to enforce the custody order he said regarding the one who on that occasion was refusing to come " Its obvious she is in love with her Daddy. She will do whatever you say sir. Will you tell her she has to go with her mother now?"
To which the reply "NO. I am not sure it is safe there" was given.
I feel bad for the officers who have to come and help enforce a custody order when it's so clear that if the Dad would fulfill his parental obligation of encouraging a good relationship with me, then they wouldn't have to be there! ITs so OBVIOUS to them that some manipulation is going on and that DAD has total control of both the orchestration of the resistance AND the ability to STOP the resistance of the girls to go with me! So its sad that they have no choice but to respond to him manipulative moments.
But the Overconfident Mom thinks its nothing to worry TOO MUCH ABOUT! She is more concerned about how to teach APPROPRIATE behavior in her girls (as its never been a role she would assume to try to teach an ADULT appropriate behavior! EVEN WHEN MARRIED she REFUSED to take on a MOTHERING role! She wanted a partner to help raise kids, and didn't attempt to ever help her partner grow in emotional development and empathy: NOT HER JOB) The trouble is, the philosophy that MODELING appropriate behavior would be ENOUGH doesn't work when there is a STRONGER modeling of maladaptive behavior. Kids DO WHAT THEY SEE.
EVEN THE OVERCONFIDENT MOM then at that point turns to HELP of experts- recognizing that she can improve and grow as a parent and believing there is something out there to learn which will effect an amazing breakthrough into a family home of PEACE and HARMONY along with the foundation of LOVE that is already there.