2009-12-29 - 8:09 a.m.

In a rare departure I was tempted to shell out the $4.99 for a magazine when grocery shopping when I saw this article in TIME magazine:

http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1940395-2,00.html

I didn't, considering that there are times the kids really do prefer fresh milk rather than the back up of dried mixed up when I don't have that extra $5.

So I was so glad the article was posted by a FB friend who not only is sane ,but a family counselor.

It validating to know there are some people in the world who still support my style of parenting, which I would like to call

FEARLESS PARENTING

My fearless parenting philosophy is simple:

1. Let kids be kids.

2. Be the responsible adult as parents. You are the authority,teacher, protector and provider. That means you don't have to be your child's best friend and at times will be unpopular with your child when you do say "NO" The kids will get over it when in balance they realize your loving "YES" affirming their individuality is much more frequent than the necessary "No" which really should be for safety or necessary.

3. Don't say "NO" unless necessary. The power trip "No" Or I am going to teach a lesson" NO really doesn't have much utility or credibility. It just reinforces the idea that you as an adult are insecure and are grappling with your own need to feel secure as an authority for those with REAL authority don't feel so threatened to have to prove it by force.

4. Actions speak louder than words.

5. Kids do what they see. Keep that in mind as your kids are being well behaved. When they are not being well behaved ALSO keep that in mind and be careful what you expose them to, however also knowing that in the end they will do what they see and you can't control what goes on elsewhere- so keep setting a great example for them when in your presence. It WILL Eventually make a BIG difference in their lives.

6. BE FEARLESS And creative in your willingness to not take the easy way out and resort to the simple but ineffective use of force and power and fear based parenting. I might be HARDER and SCARIER As a parent to NOT use those methods which yield immediate short term results, however you CAN BE FEARLESS in facing the intial meltdown, reactions, push back and challenges of limit setting and parenting by patience and example rather than by power and fear. It will work in the long run.

You might just find that one day your children are creative and capable and loving and self motivated and like mine wake up to moments where they are capably scambling eggs and making pancakes for you. YES the kitchen will be a mess.. but it really is worth it.

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