2010-06-13 - 5:50 a.m.
I am going to back to bed. Sleep is SO essential. Will come back to flesh out the DOLLAR VALUES someday
Girls in bed last night on time, and me as well. So this will be brief as they can sleep in this AM since we went to church last night.
Lost productivity at work
Lost productivity and decreased involvement in school community where person would OTHERWISE be an active participant
FOR SOME (THANK GOD NOT ME!!!) COST OF ADDICTIONS that ensue
For Many (SADLY ME but it STILL DOESN't HELP MUCH!!) INCREASED COST OF MEDICAL AND PSYCOLOGICAL CARE AND PRESCRIPTION DRUGS for treament
* SIDE EFFECTS from the prescription medication that then make one a bit nutty SO-
* COST of eveyone's time doing investigative work to know what the heck is REALLY GOING ON-
Now my vision of this entry was the astronomical dollar value associated with such a list.
AND THEN THE FINAL AND MOST IMPORTANT VALUE OF ALL which really should TRANCEND the importance of any monetary concerns whatsoever
EVEY TIME YOU REINFORCE A NOTION THAT THEIR MOTHER IS NOT TO BE RESPECTED
AND EVERY TIME YOU SET THE EXAMPLE OF MISTREATING AND ABUSING A CHILD'S MOTHER
YOU THEN CAN EXPONENTIALLY RUN AN ALGORITHIM IN YOUR LINEAR HEAD TO PERHAPS GET THE POINT THAT
YOU ARE SETTING THE MOST IMPORTANT CONNECTIONS IN THE MOST IMPORTANT COMPUTERS YOU ARE PROGRAMMING WHICH WILL HAVE THE GREATEST EFFECTS OF ALL:
THOSE SYMAPSES OF THE LITTLE BRAINS
THAT VIOLENCE IS OK.
And they are learning NOW HOW A WOMAN, and A MOTHER is to be treated.
SO the old files will NOT BE ERASED but accessed over and over again in SOME MANNER
I hope the manner they are being accessed and replayed at this juncture is a HEALTHY ONE
That is my prayer
That as they are working through the issues now with Transference, that is the BEST HOPE for healing and room in those little brains for re-training and teaching.
I think however some of my children are a little old for a re-set.
Thing is: YOU CAN'T GO BACK
One can pay all the bills, move on, get a new life, try every day to set up a NEW paradigm
but in the end that old one keeps creeping out of its corner and butting in .
I told her the TV was too loud, I asked politely,
it was not turned down to my satisfaction so I TURNED IT DOWN
and then after I was HIT by a child I turned it OFF and the privalege was lost completely.
The response of which I then got AN ATTACK OF NOT ONLY THAT CHILD BUT ANOTHER COMING AT ME.
As I was IN THE CORNER near the TV trying to disengage WITH the video in hand--
But was rather cornered.
And the violence ended when an OBJECT was thrown at me that smacked me in the face, resulting in blood spurting everywhere
I am usually quick to use a SCIP Hold( Strategies of Crisis Prevention and Intervention) to remove an agressor to another area for everyone's safety. Thing is on this occassion there were TWO agressors in tandem: One to my right, one to my left and I was in the corner. So that was more of a challenge.
Afternoon spend getting stitches. I am not so vain, so opted NOT to go with reconstruction by a plastic surgon and told the kind Dr's "I trust your sewing"
They also laughed at my joke
Which was tremedously funny in the moment. They loved my sense of humor.
(I like when someone KNOWS my wry humor is actaully a joke!)
I of course thought that was EVEN funnier as I was talking about sitting for another class recently. It IS RELAXING. Maybe the arty folks want to do a PSA campaign on domsetic violence with my liner of"I WILL LIVE WITH DIGNITY BECAUSE I DARE"
That I have envisioned years ago. The faces of domestic violence: All colors, shapes sizes,spanning all socioeconomic,race, religion, all careers unified by one thing only
But now I am once again MOST concerned about the children.
MOST OF THOSE WOMEN HAVE CHILDREN.
Those children of whom re-play that which they are taught.
At least I discovered that often people look but DO NOT SEE A PERSON.
We ran into a teacher on an errand to the Pharmacy to drop off my prescription after the stitches were done- An Antibiotic to ward off infection. (Which to be honest I might not REALLY NEED, but dropped it off anyway.)
The small talk was amazing.
Her "Are you having a nice weekend"
Me: "Of course!"
So at least I know that the fact my face is stitched will not be so obvious as people don't really take time to even look at one another anymore.
Makes me feel better about going into work.
I am also happy to have discovered we have, of all things, A TELEPHONE ROOM!
At least I know where I can go to call back CPS, and make those calls to health insurance and offices that HAVE TO BE MADE during business hours to manage the reconstruction of my mouth.
And as I forgave and hugged my daughter who threw the offending object
"Let's look at the bright side of this. My dentist offered to fix my crooked teeth, but I NEVER would have done so. But if I HAVE to go in for cosmetic dentistry, perhaps I will have him do that now too and end up with a MORE beautiful smile in the end"
So as I told her, "See you might motivate me to do something good for me I would NEVER have otherwise spent my time and money on."
We shall see.
Perhaps this time they will really learn something from the experience. Perhaps they will really GET IT that they can not contiue to be agressive as people DO GET HURT and are not invincible and THEY DO HURT OTHERS whether they mean to or not when choosing to be agressive and not exhibit self control.