2010-07-02 - 12:25 a.m.
My virtual boyfriend was in a car accident on Sunday morning at 3am. Another driver hit him while he was driving to his home in North Carolina to take care of some things there during the week.
I played phone tag with him on Friday night. Left messages back and forth...
I knew he was driving that night.
I hoped he would have a great week and consider sharing the 4th of July with me. I was happy at the thought he might join me as I celebrate my new home, and the birthday of our freedom for our country.
I had envisioned taking time to go to D.C. with him and thought there was nothing I would like to do on the 4th of July more than celebrate with my Marine. Its hard not to feel very patriotic when accompanied by one who has dedicated their life to service to our country.
The pride of that is a wonderful thing, and I think being close to a Marine make me apprechiate that dedication and commitment more than I ever did before.
Memorial Day never seemed as significant to me until I went to the Rolling Thunder ride and experiences our veterans there honoring our country and feeling the blessing of the freedom we do have here.
I am used to talking to my lovely vitual boyfriend a few times a week. The duration and depth of those connections vary, but it is nice to have the support of his steady friendship.
So I was missing talking with him and entered the almost empty house after moving to check my machine and hope to have heard a message.
Funny thing is the last few times he left a message I was oddly sentimental and for the first time hesitated to erase them.
I actually had the weird thought "What if something were to happen? I would want to save this message to be able to hear his voice."
Then I thought "what an odd fear" and brushed it aside and deleted the message.
But he talked of wanting to be deployed again.
I thought I wouldn't be upset at that thought, but when he posted a recent post that made it sould like he was going away (and I wasn't the only one who got that impression) my heart skipped a beat and I did feel this fear of losing him.
So when I called to hear his sister answer his phone and tell me of the accident with the sound of the beeping of machines that are hooked up monitoring and providing support to my Marine friend that is hanging onto life with prayers and still a fighter's spirit (He did fight when he came to and was therefore sedated to rest); well, once again the strong weird intuition I have seems uncannily accurate.
Thing is, I kinda hate that being so darn accurate.
I mean it scares me. I wish sometimes to not have things like premonitions.
I wish the last things he wrote on FB were not weeks of him asking everyone to send prayers and love and support in a tough time.
For when looking at that consistent theme in the past few weeks, and the responses that many left thinking there was something going on with him- it seems he too may have had some intuitive , although not consious -- how shall I say it, not knowledge but FEELING that he needed everyone's outpouring of prayer.
Part of his job is notification to families when a loved Marine does not come home to them, but has died in the line of duty, or died otherwise.
The thing is, I know over the past year when he has done notifications he hasn't writtem about them, but the past few weeks he did.
What I don't like at all is that one of the last things I wrote to him was the message of how I envisioned Jesus with outstretched arms saying
I of course was speculating what would I WANT TO SAY TO a Marine Family that lost a loved one?
The image that Art had painted which is so beautiful came to mind, and those words which we offer to each Marine as they set foot back on American soil.
And I thought, what an honor to be welcomed by Jesus after a life of service of others to protect our freedom and our hapiness and our ability to raise our familys in a place where we can have peace in our lives and work and worship as we desire.
I even wrote Art an e-mail and told him of the idea and asked if he would think of making a card from his beautiful image of Christ.
That painting is so personal to him that I don't know if he would be willing to make it a Hallmark... but I though that he has such a gift and could touch so many people that it would be so very beautiful to be that conduit bringing peace of Christ to others.
So now I just came across a letter from a spiritual advisor, a Trappist monk whom I have corresponded with- upon whose stationary reads the heading
"Never trouble thy mind for anything that shall happen to thee in this world, nothing can come but what God wills"
and I think, although it doesn't stop me from shedding a tear in this moment,