2010-12-22 - 9:25 a.m.
I have had a few days of productive working from home and now admit it appeals to me.
My water heater sprung a leak at the seam where it looks like it had been compromised by a dent, likely upon its installation. It was manufactured in 1991, so not surprising that after all these years there was rust build up at the seam that was compromised and water worked its way through.
I am SO GRATEFUL for the HMS HOME WARRANTY!
Absolutely recommend that anyone with an old home and appliances that are likely to go invest in a home warranty!
I had a claim number and approval to have a frozen pipe repaired that leads to the spigot outside. I then misplaced it and never got around to calling the serviceperson to schedule.
So turns out I lucked out as now it is ONE $100 payment for Both jobs.
So working from home. It is a wreck however as I had to rifle through my box of files to find the warranty paperwork- so need to clean that mess and the basement is a wreck as everything was pulled out and elevated when water was everywhere. Been busy with the carpet cleaner sucking it up.
I laugh at myself as this weekend the "boyfriend" ( I swear I can't SAY that word yet...but can write it which is a start of getting over fear) offered to help me get a new front door, as that too has been compromised somehow. The base of it just dry rotted out and the inside kinda fell apart after the kickplate was falling off as some screws came loose. I thought all that was needed was to tighten the screws and kickplate, but then when looking at it these CHUNKS of rotted wood came tumbling out. Within a few days of opening and closing all of the the dead wood fell.
There is now a BIG GAP in the corner where you can see the light and feel the fresh air come in.
I stubbornly would not consent to the gift of a front door to my house. I just couldn't feel good about that for some reason. Feel like that is my responsibility and will not let him take it on.
I did cringe when I mentioned when he asked if I needed anything at the hardware store "Yes, I need a new filter. Do they sell the insert you can cut, as I have a holder";
He said "Don't do that, just replace it with a new one."
And then came back here with the SAME exact holder. He felt kinda silly and said "Oh I'm sorry"
Which ALSO MAKES ME CRINGE.
I don't know why both traits bother me- the going ahead and doing something that I WANTED TO DO myself, and then the saying "I'm SORRY" after realizing that he made a mistake of judgement.
Thing is that I think the "I'm sorry" was for the mistaken judgement of not understanding that I needed only the insert and that he could have bought that instead of the whole thing. As it was $6 more (so he said) it was not worth going back to the store to return. But I think he is NOT aware that he just forged ahead and took over my responsibility and then did something that I intended to do and that it is the taking on my issues which is a boundary issue that makes me uncomfortable.
But then again, when is it a sign of someone having a boundry issue, and when is it NOT a problem when a man has that instinct and desire to HELP and CARE FOR a woman that he loves by DOING THINGS that need to be done in her home.
He says he would help out ANY NEIGHBOR, and he helps Rich his next door neighbor all the time ( but I know that is not EXACTLY true...)
He trys to be clear that all his effort at the "Honey Do List" are without any expectation ( so he said after I moved in and he was quick to offer help but ALSO very clear in being VERY INTERESTED in a dating relationship.)
And Pocohontas was more than happy to give him her list...
It was hilarious.
But he was also good about ASKING me before doing anything in MY HOME!
*She would give him the list and he would check with me, and I would give permission and I would come home to find things done.
He has been a wonderful help and support.
Yet at the same time I stubbornly DID pay the $100 fee of having an electrician replace a switch for me. I went through the home warranty program, and its $100 for each time you call.
He kinda smiles and wisely says nothing as I joke at my own stubbornness knowing it was about $7 for the part they swapped out and that in 15 minutes my neighbor could have done that for me.
But at the time I DID NOT Feel comfortable having this new man in my life tending to all the needs of my home.
I just couldn't do that.
I didn't have the trust, nor did I feel it was appropriate to the relationship.
So silly however as I let him do some things (which were harder than that switch!), like install mirrors, and in fact he built an absolutely beautiful wood frame for the one when the metal frame inadvertedly didn't get moved.
He has built a desk in the basement for Pocohonta's daughter's room. She is my lovely housemate at this juncture.
So it was just a need to maintain my independence and not be anxious and to take ownership of my home and my responsibilities that made me feel good about shelling out that $100 to a professional.
It also was electrical so I figured for insurance purposes that was wise- but that was just justification for me doing that out of anxiety and an inability to trust more than anything.
The thing is there is a man I have been dating at work very casually this same duration. And he is one who is SO GOOD at NEVER making a decision for me. He is so sensitive at ALWAYS being careful to never take over, and gently make suggestions only when asked for.
He has a sister who left her husband and is dealing now with stalking from her Ex.
He is a man who grew up in a city and has seen violence and had greater understanding of what domestic violence does to a woman and I think he understands my need for independence and SELF CARE more.
He is a man who when he offers any advice says things like "Fabulous you are running. If you need to do that to get those endorphines kickin and feeling good you do that!"
He has worked for 15 years there, and I think he is wise and stable and such a mellow calming influence.
I like the dating relationship I have with him-- of seeing him only every other week (as he remotes in from a few hours away where he lives and comes to the office only every other week.)
I enjoy our coffee time, and lunch out, and dinner and a movie once in a while, and watching football with his roomie, and having him over here on occassion for a few hours over a bottle of wine.
Most of all I enjoy talking with him about our kids and parenting and work. I learn much from him and enjoy the support.
I can call him if I find myself holed up at work and get the good sense to go home.
Its funny however,when the neighbor "boyfriend" cajoles me to come home and join him I am not as inclined to break out of the workaholic tendency.
OH well... time will tell if I am not really that interested in my neighbor, or I am just scared.
Not sure just yet if it is that I am so insistant on maintaining my freedom and needt that time alone that I will be unable to maintain the relationship with my neighbor.
He is clearly in love with me at this juncture, and I am clearly not there and perhaps not allowing myself to go there even though he is such a good man and I perhaps COULD.
To me love really comes down to a choice.
And at this stage I know I still need this time alone.
So last night, although I came home INTENDING to stop by and visit my nice neighbor for a little while, I instead came home to do some chores, read some e-mails and then:
I pulled out of the trash the instructions on the filter.
I took apart the filter that he installed which he said "Sticks out so you can remove it easily"
which I think was a rationalization after the fact of it having been put together too big;
and took care of MY RESPONSIBILITES.
And for some reason it felt good, even though it was 1AM when done and I then ate some late fare and went to bed late.
Yes, I really do need to enjoy being single and enjoy this time taking care of me.
Off to work- I am remoting in! WHOO HOOO while awaiting the repairman.