2011-10-06 - 10:01 a.m.
I can't remote into work for some reason.
However as I misplaced car keys to the ONE CAR which I just spent $850 putting new tires and fixing broken signals on, and filled the tank of. Its a bit disappointing to say the least.
I put those keys on a HOOK every time I get home and AM in a great habit of doing so.
I do distinctly recall however that when heading to my daughter's college for a visit that I conciously decided NOT to do that and put them somewhere out of sight JUST IN CASE anyone came in while gone.
Trouble is, I can't find the keys now.
I searched high and low yesterday.
It was 9AM sharp when I was ready to leave in the beloved old Volvo which I have been happy to drive the past three weeks.
However I then got in, realized it has NO GAS and realized I have all of $2 cash and $10 in my checking account and thought better of giving up on the search for Toyota keys. I limited my search to 30 minutes vowing to be disciplined and not lose track of time.
Proud of that adherence and NOT being overcome with hyperfocus in the obsessional way we ADHD are prone to doing beyond reason, I stopped the search and went to leave at 9:30.
Feeling like 10AM is STILL LATE to show up to the office, but OK with that as my boss and co-hort ALSO work a late schedule I then realized in the mad search I MISPLACED THE VOLVO KEYS!
The house keys were in hand, and the VOLVO keys not in sight.
Checked the car
So I went and mailed the letter I had adressed while looking, as of course I found a misplaced address book. I put my lunch in the front seat as of course I had forgotten to pack and thought of it the upteempth time I searced the kitchen this AM.
And I called my boss dutifully and shamefully (OK not really THAT SHAMEFULLY- but just a little which is why the AVOIDANCE of calling to pretend the troubles don't exist and minimize and call attention to them is an adaptation I work hard to overcome. Well I guess to be honest it is the feeling of SHAME when owning up to the reality that is terrible and it is EASIER to not emotionally even FEEL that if one doesn't go throught the act of- well taking ownership and responsibility and TELLING someone how you have screwed up.)
Yes it is the avoidance of that shame that I didn't avoid today.
I still think it an interesting thing. People say "Please call to let me know WHEN you are late, WHERE you are and WHY."
I would LOVE to do a psycological study on which method ACTUALLY works better.
I kind of still think that naming all your issues and letting everyone know each time they arise really doesn't do ANYONE any particular good.
We shall see.
It would if there are resources to use for improvement and managment which would not otherwise be available.
In any case I did complete an official request for an accomodation. We shall see how that goes. The request is for things like leinancy with schedule, officially letting me come in late and work late as needed. I didn't write it but would have LOVED to write in "Santictioned Daily Siesta"
I think we should have nap rooms like we have a gym available to employees! What a GREAT idea! ( Except.... well forget where that evil thought just led me...other than I can see some problems there.)
OK This vent made me feel a little better.
With the next pay and bill payments I need to get car keys made so I have an extra for each vehicle. That is long overdue! I did have a spare for the Volvo but it has been long gone.
Ce la vie when living with ADHD.