2014-03-13 - 9:37 a.m.

This is too funny not to share.

As a mom of six, I have an issue MANY mothers will empathize with: That potty dance which is really not amusing after age 3, so when done at age 40 plus is just ______________....well.... I will let you fill in the blank as there are TOO MANY descriptors I can think of and don't want to limit you.

(embarrassing, WRONG!, disturbing, concerning...)

Now what is equally ___________.... help me fill in this blank as well
(disturbing, funny, unexpected , WRONG ??)

is that I have JUST recently discovered there is something I can do about this common issue and my laziness at practicing Kegals. You see , I finally know what those really shiny balls with the tiny ones inside that shake and sound cool that my GIRLS have a few of actually are!

Kids just LOVE to collect shiny things! They also love to collect balls of any sort.
So shiny balls that make sounds are really cool. Now I know some of these are used to roll around in your hand in a relaxing manner in a meditative sort of way. They may have some reflexology properties. I have discovered yet ANOTHER ancient Chinese secret of these shiny, sparkly and wonderfully sonorous balls I had never before heard of.

I think this additional function is very likely a primary use for the shiny round objects of children's desire which are in their collections of cool found things from thrift stores and gifts from friends that understand how much little kids love shiny bright things that make tinkling noises:

http://benwaballskegelexercises.blogspot.com/2009/02/how-to-use-ben-wa-balls-for-kegel.html

I write about this as it really is just a bit too funny NOT to share!

I came across "duotone balls for kegal exercises" when E-bay shopping around Valentine's Day. I actually was shopping for shiny things for my GIRLS to be honest! They do well with positive reinforces. They are NOT DOING WELL with respecting my boundaries. So I was trying to find INCENTIVES to work on that boundary issue. In particular, when they came running in one morning deep in play donning capes and hand crafted swords (one made out of a whittled down yardstick which I could not complain about as it was given to the little girl at school), asking me to borrow my PINS to fasten the blanket capes closed, I did let them raid my jewelry. I also said "Come here , we are going E-Bay shopping so you girls can have some pins of your own and NEVER have any inclination of raiding my jewelry box again."

Globalization may have ruined local economies all over the world, but as I can't fight it I do appreciate the chance to find costume jewelry for $1 to $2. That includes shipping! So for $20 the girls picked out garish pins that will be used in play. (OK I exaggerate... they got the NICE ONES) They also found Tardis necklaces, Ranger Apprentice Oak Leaf pins, Some Harry Potter symbol stuff, a time turner necklace and all sorts of treasures.

After done with girls shopping I thought it was time to shop for ME which is when I started exploring what else the China market has to offer really ridiculously cheap. I then also looked at the California so called "health store" market for the "Duo Tone Kegal Exercise Balls" which are just like the ones I know one or two of my girls have EXCEPT that they have are attached to each other by a string for ease of retrieval. I really never heard of these before as a toy for adults!!

I still think it absolutely hysterical to know what those shiny things in one child's collection actually ARE!

So my Duo Tone Leopard pattern balls arrived in the mail and I quickly discarded packaging (which emphasized personal benefits of the "adult" kind of advertising... and the fact these are a "novelty item" which makes me less inclined to really want to experiment with round plastic items personally noting there was a seam that didn't seem all that smooth. Not sure the item as it arrived would really provide the promised pleasure OR health benefits if that seam is at all rough and not smooth!

Now I have to say the "leopard" pattern on these also just made me laugh. I thought it was itself rather funny. Maybe it is just me... but there are so many things that could be joked about there... perhaps it was a cougar pattern....

Not being a cougar myself that alone amused me. (Especially as a friend had a recent date to only find out then that the guy was 24- who she of course met on line. Hey that IS Better than 74 I suppose! We are merciless in making fun of her actually. He clearly just wanted to get laid so didn't really care that she was almost 20 years older and could have been his mother- boy have we been razzing her about it ever since.... but I digress)

The teaching of boundaries by reinforcing isn't going all that well. One child swiped a pin and gave it to the other who had picked it out as in her sense of justice it is just SO UNFAIR That when the treasures arrived I would WITHOLD SOME TO BE EARNED! Little sister did rat on her big sister the swiper. Swiper is the same child that had her room emptied and decorated with the Dora the Explorer theme a few years back which worked in the short term but still needs serious help with her sticky fingers of taking that which she wants. It is a clear impulse control issue as she struggles with other obsessive traits like skin picking, and a few other quirky things parents and dr. and counselors over the years have tried best to help her with. ( I swear I just think ANAFRANIL would be the BEST Tactic in the short term! Help the impulse control to develop good HABITS and maybe then the bad habit will be broken??? But I am not her dr... sigh...I just HATE SEEING OBESSIVE COMPULSIVE BEHAVIOR that I think could so easily be treated to make life less challenging! ) She is such a wonderful , delightful kid now overall and I am SO PLEASED with her growth and progress and that she is doing well at school. But the swiping of siblings and my stuff has got to stop so I need to be creative with consequences and reinforcers.

So the writing today was inspired by the fact I was up REALLY LATE due to a pain in my shin that made it hard to fall asleep. That would be a pain from where one of my lovelies had kicked me. I did let her know that it has hurt ever since. My girls are wonderful, and while the being physically rough and aggressive has improved tremdously this did happen in the past five or six months. One of them on occasion still has an issue of lashing out (now thankfully on RARE occasion), but the kicking of me was in one of those sad moments. The shin has hurt since and I just assume it will heal in time. It hurts at night after a busy day. My right knee (Which was also impacted by the kicking incident) was giving me trouble and that has diminished more than the shin so I am sure the shin too will heal in time.

I don't tend to think of the pain during the day and think it worth calling the Dr. to check out. I mean what can a Dr. do? Bruise on bone or small fracture that is healing .... Really not much I think other than pain killers which I don't want. Ice and rest as needed I presume and exercise to build up strength of the knee, but not too much exercise so as to strain further . So I do all that same stuff and take Advil or aspirin and take the Glutisone formula for joint strength (or something similar- I forget exactly what that is called just now).

Nap time now as did not sleep enough. Thanks to the pain in my shin, I am going to rest so thought it might be a good idea to check out the 'health' item I bought for myself.

However I can't try out those leopard - no "cougar duo tone balls" as they are not where I THOUGHT I left them! I really suspect they have been lifted by one of the little girls who thought they too were intended for them!

The one who lifted the pin and gave it to the other was so offended I wouldn't give her a necklace I had let her pick out after I had already given her a pin AFTER she put all her clean laundry away. When they came home here last weekend they asked if the treasures had arrived and I said "YES! GO put away your laundry and straighten rooms and as soon as you are done I will give you one."

The other girls were happy with that.

The one child (Swiper) however was emotional wraught over the withheld necklace EVEN THOUGH I gave her a pin she picked out after her laundry was put away with mostly my help! She put away a FEW THINGS. I likely should NOT DO THAT- I should let her handle it on her own. She however gets so emotionally upset. As a parent I SHOULD LET HER GET THAT UPSET and learn how to deal with it rather than mitigating what made her upset or angry which I KNOW teaches her how to avoid responsibility and manipulate.

She was just furious as from her perspective I was withholding something that I had already GOTTEN FOR HER. I did stand my ground and the owl necklace ( which is a bit garish-- she likes flashy), is still in my lock box where it was stashed for safekeeping until one day I DO give it to her after chores are done. She thought when we ordered the items they were just being given without strings attached. I told her I WOULD HAVE LOVED to have done that but for the fact that over the past months NO ONE has been putting laundry away but they take the clothes out of the basket and wear them and there the baskets full of laundry have been sitting FOR MONTHS until I dump what is left on the dresser (where they sit) so I can use the basket for the next round of laundry. The girls ARE at least using hampers SOMETIMES. But I have found myself going in their room and picking up THEIR laundry to throw in the machines at times. I KNOW I should NOT DO THAT. They should have the consequence of their items NOT being clean if they don't make it into the hamper. I want them all to develop a better HABIT.

I am trying to follow through on MAKING THEM DO their simple chore.

YES I caved and started helping put Ms. Swiper's laundry away. I helped the others a bit too just to get them all on board and DOING IT rather than complaining about the chore.

They acted like it was absolutely torturous to make them put away clothing upon arrival home. So dramatic! I know they do WAY MORE chores than that at Dad's so one would think they are USED TO PITCHING IN. They seem to think that as according to their dramatic selves "All we do at Dad's is CHORES" that means they can get a free pass from any responsibility here! They avoid helping out here as much as they can which I am trying hard to change.

It is that general lack of respect for me I need to work on. I need to work on not caving, not adjusting expectations which allows them to manipulate, and I need to follow through on consistent, unchanging expectations.

I am trying. I actually bought " The Total Transformation" behavior management program which is wonderful. Nothing I don't fundamentally KNOW already but it is a great reminder of weakenssess and where I need to be consistent and follow through. Its a brilliant behavior management tool for PARENTS. Basically - change the behavior of the parents and teach them how to parent best and the kids behavior WILL improve. That really is true and parenting CAN BE LEARNED. But like any other learning it is hard to break bad habits and create new ones. I love the fact that program itself uses a positive reinforcer as if one does all the work and then completes a review of each chapter of the ten lessons, and submits it , the cost will be refunded. BRILLIANT!

Not sure WHAT To do about this lack of boundary respect however. I am listing to the Total Transformation CDs and working on its materials in an effort to come up with an effective plan.

Heck now my SEX TOY is missing! REALLY , that is after all what the cougar ball is!

SO I have to laugh as of course whoever was the Swiper has NO IDEA that is what it is! ( AND MAYBE JUST MAYBE I HID IT ELSEWHERE. The fact it is missing is a great reinforcer for ME as now I am VERY motivated to actually CLEAN the very messy neglected room that I let slide during Bar Prep study. Heck if I just get rid of the piles of bar review materials and vacuum the cleaning will be almost complete!)

I may just get a lock with a key for my bedroom as these girls really need to learn to respect boundaries and not just take whatever they want of they are going to have a really hard time in life!

Good thing they didn't find the vibrator "lipstick"! There are new batteries here somewhere...yet another positive reinforcer for once I get this house cleaned. I figure that is in fact likely quite a healthy reinforcer for me! Heck its either that or.... well... ___________fill in the blank with ideas if you come up with any better.

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