2014-08-22 - 2:19 p.m.

Its been a lovely week, this last week of summertime with little girls. Next week they are with Dad, then I see them just for a weekend, and then the school routine commences.

That is one night a week with me and every other weekend.

My oldest daughter and her boyfriend are planning on moving to Austin , TX. I think it is actually a good idea however I hope he knows what he is getting into! I love my wonderful, smart capable , talented daughter who has done so many amazing things in life. The thing is, as her brother pointed out in a conversation with me today, sometimes she needs a bit of help to get things done. Now that is a good role for a PARENT to be in, or a brother or a good friend. But its a tricky thing to have the right balance in a relationship if one person really is dependent on help of others.

Just now she is CLEARLY dependent on help of others as she has been working through some tough moments medically.

Main issue is that she was diagnosed with PTSD and severe anxiety attacks. She had random moments of being literally disabled and not being able to function due to terror and it turned out that she was feeling (I think perhaps all the SUPRESSED feelings) terror from moments of her past.

Considering her HEAD was punched TROUGH a wall by my Ex Husband it is certainly understandable !

The trouble with abuse is there is damage and fall out for YEARS that no one expects.

So Katerina, as smart and capable, talented and gifted as she is, still has moments of struggle to overcome INERTIA from overwealming depression and just having no energy and finding it a challenge to function in life.

Her diagnosis as of yet is PTSD and anxiety, but I think there may be more there that is affecting her.

Soren was upset she didn't call into work when she was SUPPOSSED to be there. She was on the couch saying she was so tired she couldn't get up to go in.

He told me he did get upset at her and I think he was yelling at her about it - to GET UP AND CALL as he said "YOU CAN'T DO THAT, its NOT FAIR.. " ( to the business owner that she DOES respect NORMALLY).

I just think she is actually still sick. I think she missed her Dr. Appt (she told me she did) and I suspect she has not yet been back (even though she SAID she was going to re-schedule)

I GET IT

Those kinds of things HAPPEN TO ME (not out of depression but the ADHD overwealming moments or FORGETTING etc...)

I PLANNED on going to visit Austin for a vacation WITH Katerina and her boyfriend.

I can't afford to go just now.

I was able to help them as I had frequent flyer points so could get three out of the four tickets (he is buying one leg of one of their tickets for the trip.)

Her boyfriend has his college degree, is smart and nice and has money saved for them to move and start a life there together.
He seems to be a GREAT GUY.

I just wonder if he fully understands that JUST NOW SHE IS NOT WELL and SHE NEEDS ALOT OF SUPPORT AND HELP.

I just don't know if he has the personality that is able to navigate loving her AND helping her meet her needs. She has ALWAYS had the tendency to talk herself OUT OF what she wants to do and let fear creep in IF SHE WAS ALLOWED TO. As a kid I just never accepted that and did FORCE her to go TRY something (at least for the first time) and THEN make a decision if she wanted to go back. Sometimes I may have said "I am bringing you _ (X)_____for the first three times, and THEN you can decide."

Only on one occasion did she do something at my encouragement that she decided to quit as it really was not for her (that was the Gifted Math Program. I encouraged but she really DID want to do that, if only to prove herself to those who has put her capability down and ignored her in her mind.)

So I just worry that she really has such a hard time ACTING on her dreams or desires or goals as opposed to allowing inertia to set a course for her. I so hope that she finds some passion in life she wants to do and becomes _EXCITED about it and self motivated.

I think most of all however, I hope she does take CARE of herself. She needs first and foremost to work through the fallout. YES She really IS A Victim, but I so hope for ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

HA HA That above is evidence of a narcoleptic like moment!

Hey not medicated MYSELF just now (here as I WORRY about whether my daughter got to her Doc and is taking HER MEDS! SHE SOUNDS DEPRESSED To me these past couple of days!)

I awoke at 5:30 AM, was awake still at 7AM so went for a wonderful run. I have to map it as have no idea how far I

DID IT AGAIN! Seconds of a doze...

It is NAP TIME.
Had a wonderful salad from the garden veggies, but that raspberry dressing which is sweet is likely kicking in and the sugar makes me crash! Happens every time..

Taking a nap, then will look at my finances. I have a prescription I can't yet afford to pick up for the medicine that keeps me awake. I have a few free samples left for as needed.

My other doc (Psychiatrist) won't fill my Wellbutrin until I see her again. Its a $50 co-pay and I don't have it this month.

I THINK I am feeling OK without it. Will see how that goes.

I did however have TERRIBLE time management this week which the Wellbutrin is f

AGAIN DOZING!!

I think it MIGHT be interesting for someone , somewhere to read this...

As was saying, the Wellbutrin really seems to help my or

I can't stay awake to finish this thought. Perhaps will do so later.

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