2016-10-04 - 10:06 p.m.

I haven't written in quite a while as its been so busy. I have to get a newsletter out tonight for an arts org I do some volunteer work with, so just a very brief update to capture here.

I feel like writing as I just got a letter that I am not being offered a job I would have been really excited to take.
Email was sent yesterday.

ce la vie...

It was nice I was considered and made it through a bunch of hoops... interviews... etc.

One again, honored to be considered however not offered a position.

I am lucky I have a job that is Ok and that my employer genuinely appreciates my work and talent. I believe it sincere that the place I am has some interest in keeping me on there. I was called in for what is called a skip-level review with the boss of my boss' boss. ... not wait....one level up my boss reports to a guy, who reports to the lady who is in charge of our group, who reports to this guy who is the VP of our group who called me in for a meeting to discuss what kind of position I am looking for.... (I am a contractor and not a FT employee and this project. I was also told by this VP that he knows a lot of people in the company and , in his words "You do know that the best jobs are always created for someone" )
Interesting. Will see.... I also know that when one has an underemployed high performance employee who is being paid about $20 per hour less than they are actually worth in the market that there is incentive to make them THINK there is some carrot on the end of the stick so they don't just toss that stick that you are hanging onto....

I was told my position is in the budget for the next year...and my visceral reaction was disappointment cause I would rather this ENDED and they wanted to keep me on and offered me a really nice and well paying CONTRACT Manager position NOW.... or Operations management of their system... (I think that is more akin to what they want me for). Hope I didn't blow that conversation by saying frankly. "I would love to work for you, but you know.. your OPERATIONS!" I'm sure I came across really obnoxious and arrogant...(hope not!) but seriously, operations folks keep things running but they don't often move FROM those back system kind of jobs! I just don't want to me managing a system, I would prefer to be engaged in the dynamic discussions and negotiations and crafting and drafting of deals. Its just not where I aspire to be...

but ce la vie...its where I am and frankly its kinda refreshing to have an easy, stress free job.

I am stressing more about this silly arts newsletter than work!! Isn't that a trip? I mean my work is SO EASY at work that this is the hardest challenge I have had in a long time!!

Yeah, coming around to the notion of working in operations and back end support...

Heck its a great work environment, a close commute and nice people and easy work, so if they offer full time I will take it- regardless of what the work is!

Truly that is the secret to happiness, learning to embrace where you happen to be and embrace what is on your plate at the time with enthusiasm and joy.

I am happy and enjoying my job...
even though it is not what I envisioned for myself, its fun because I choose for it to be fun.

So very odd...
I work as a data analyst and have been becoming proficient at Excel and even downloaded a book "Teach yourself SQL in 21 Days"

Well...that was over 21 days ago and can't claim to have learned SQL, but regardless, it is just astounding that I even actually have interest and opportunity to use that in my work and that I am learning the basic skills of an analyst.

Just strange how life works. Data analyst in the financial sector... how the heck did I end up here??

Rather mysterious...to think I am actually enjoying it!

and an admin told me that the guy above him was even consulted with about my skill set....

I was told of a particular role they are interested in me possibly filling in the company...

will see...

I believe they are sincere. I am a contractor now, and that would be a full time position. If I don't get an offer which is at substantially more than I made now however , then I will have to start earnest job hunting as I am well aware I am actually underemployed for my skill set.

My job is super easy and chill however, and it does not require a commute- so boring though it acutually is, it is paying the bills (almost, so not increasing debt too dramatically.... but honestly it is not really enough to make it!! I still work part time and even that doesn't bridge the gap completely).

So I am disappointed in a way to have not gotten an offer from the recent place I interviewed, but in a way maybe it is better as I got the sense that if I got an offer at this time from that place it was ALSO going to be on the very low end salary wise for my skill set. In fact I was really shocked and disappointed that they were talking much less than market rate...

So I know it would have been really just out of settling in a way to take that job if it were offered anyway. I would have been settling taking the first full time offer with benefits to come along rather than being really aggressive in my job hunt. I am in a job and when I take a position I commit to it, so I have really not applied for anything except one position I couldn't pass up considering as I thought it was such a perfect fit.

Ce la vie....

In this world of knowing everyone looks to FB I mean any HR person worth their SALT will do that...and find not only that but after a quick google search THIS

and you know I am fully aware that is a limitation as my experiences here have not been NORMAL , white bread all American BORING and unconcerning...

But the thing is, I am who I am and am proud of who I am. I have done so few things in my life that I am ashamed of and feel like the things I have addressed in my writing are so important that they can not be ignored.

If no one ever would speak out about the tough thing, nothing would ever change and our world won't become a better place.

But you know those people who create an on line presence that is not really representative of who they are? I know some young people in particular who I think are trying to devote themselves to the arts so create these kind of over the top on line personas in an attempt to PROTECT themselves from possibly "Selling OUT' as they see it to a parochial, boring, 9-5 Corporate America type, energy draining, soul killing full time job which would leave them depleted of all creative energy so there is not room for anything else. I get their worry. I understand as I cringe when I see a 20 something coming to work in a cubicle. It is NOT THE TIME IN LIFE FOR THAT! I want to tell them to wait until they are 40 and hop into that life- but the twenties are meant to be the wellspring of creativity where one can devote themselves to whatever their actual passion is no hold bar, with complete abandon of all reason and absolute submission to the muse of creativity.

So I get it,
but yeah perhaps it was not such a good idea for me to post a comment on the page of just such a young person, who is a poet and a gentle soul who I admire as this person has run a few marathons yet is so humble about it, yet who's FB page comes across as the most radical anarchist! Its rather amusing to me to see the contrast between the on line person and the actual person. I swear it is self protection to ensure not getting offers of jobs. This person worked in the Insurance industry for a while, in a real "grown up" job after college, banked money and then became a poet and picked up a job as a cook in a deli.

Yeah.. I kinda forgot that I was under scrutiny of HR myself undoubtedly.... so maybe my post on the young "anarchist"'s page just wasn't such a good idea...

Ce la vie.
One thing I am really not good at is hiding who I am or lying.

You know, sometimes, not having those skills can just be a liability when it comes to Corporate America...

Sheesh...

So I have great empathy for the millennials who seem so extreme to some in the older generations , when they do things such as renounce the value of property ownership as one example...
or actually revive communal living as another...
my list could go on...
but you know, you never know who is reading this (HA HA)

In any case...

I think because I have been transparent and admidt my flaws it makes me appear (to those who don't actually know me) that my limitations are so much greater than they actually are. Just as the young so called "Anarchists" page makes that young person appear so much more radical than he actually is.
Oh well...
Ce la vie...

but still , its a little disappointing, as once I got over the shock of the reality that the salary offered was not market rate I got myself excited about the possibility of the job was considered for. I was actually excited and HOPED to get an offer. If for no other reason than I think the job would have been EASY and kinda fun ....and frankly I just don't want to work that hard if I don't have to anymore.

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