2017-02-26 - 12:42 p.m.

Last night as I was falling asleep I must have been thinking of house cleaning to do today (planning in my head perhaps? ) and I suddenly envisioned the WALL of my one daughter's bedroom, which is next to her bunkbed where years ago she CARVED into it a dart board. I have no idea what she used to do it, but she carved out circles and wrote numbers for each layered one (like a tree grows). It occurred to me I should have thought of that and fixed it rather than get rid of the sheet rock. Ce la vie,
The art work was covered by a poster for some time. It was actually from the National Book Fair and kinda nice in her room. She wasn't as fond of that as me of course.

I just went up to look at the wall and its not all that bad and for now it is still her room, her bed next to that wall where she sleeps. It can be fixed when she goes off into the world some day. I think she was about 8 when she did that handiwork. I did happen to buy a dart board and hung it in the living room near the bottom of the stair and bought two sets of darts that year to keep the girls busy, with total disreagard for the wall, so I guess it could be said I set a precedent for enjoyment of space being more imporatant than its long term real estate value! My theory is homes are to be LIVED In and I REALLY like the lived in look. I thought my friend and real estate agent who told me to get rid of the organ in my living room was absolutely nuts. I OWN A HOME so I can happily have space for a collection of instruments no one REALLY plays with discipline but WE ALL fiddle with once in a while to our pleasure.

There is value in those moments.
One doesn't have to be an expert to just have ENJOYMENT in being creative.

Heck if someone gets serious and has the passion and drive and disciple to take their creativity further GREAT but my goal for my kids is more simple: that they be happy and healthy.

Not that I have low expectations.

Well, maybe by some folks standards I do. It is all a matter of perspective.

I think so called progress and achievements of our modern world are often frankly very overrated.

In any case, I came on line as today I am decluttering and cleaning.
In other words I have a challenging task so must procrastinate and get a whole bunch of OTHER things done in the process of getting IT DONE.

YES that is how the ADHD mind often works. I know it is a way of handling stress. Easier to get a SMALL task done and have a sense of accompishment and get the motivation and energy to continue on the CHALLENGING and STRESSFUL TASK.

Also easier for me to get any distractions out of the way until I can't find ANY MORE and then get in the zone.

Somehow it works for me SOMETIMES.

The secret is to get into this kind of flow BEFORE the last moment or deadline.
So today's challenging task is DOING TAXES.

I have already dusted much of the house, vacummed, listed items on Freecycle to declutter (why did I ever even have a car charger for a Blackberry when I never owned a Blackberry?

I also take time to make a call to a friend should something make me think of a person when cleaning, or drop a note in the mail. I often find some silly thing I mail to either Katerina or Soren (the oldest two kids).

So I came here as I found a scrawled , really cryptic (on account of the water that spilled on it sometime) PART of bad poem written at work in either an actual moment of enlightenment, a manic moment of amusement when everything seems either brilliant or tremendously funny, or more likely just a moment of boredom and an idea I liked (even if silly).

So here's to being silly and creative and getting fun out of such moments and not caring if the output is any good as the act of the creating and following through on one's silly thoughts is ITSELF one of the things that gives one pleasure!

Part of scrawled, messy water stained poem written on small yellow lined memo pad at work which I am dropping in mail to my violinist daughter as she will get it and it made me think today of her:
First page of note pad
missing , but I will name it now and that will be enough to give the idea of the moment at work in which this thought came and I scrawled it down. Unedited it is an idea, just a seed , but it made me happy in the moment so I feel worth saving rather than throwing out as I clean house.

The Gift's Ribbon

....two scissors until it curled up
joyfully
into the dangling tail of the present's bow?

Have you ever apprechiated the tauntness of string
and beauty of bow
and the wonderous joy that tension,
pressure carefully applied and then quickly and gently released can bring?

Have you ever been so inclined to succumb to such moments of joyful creation
to write about it?

Or do you worry about wasting time?
Be cause you are
on the Company's clock
and on the Company's dime?

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