2018-03-09 - 7:00 a.m.

There is encouragement at work for those interested to become certified Project Managers.

I really feel like it is very helpful for those who are young and new to a field or role to join professional organizations to learn.

But honestly , I feel like for a good many it is just a bit of a racket. These professional organizations are in the business of making money like everyone else.

I did not renew my $150 a year membership in the National Contract Management Association for a few reasons:

Primary one No time to be an active member and continue learning and mentoring others in that field as

I don't WORK in that area just now!

Yet the training and skills learned are very relevant to PARTS of my current work.

My current workplace is not familiar with that credential. Its therefore not really valued.

They don't get it...

Which is fine.

HR got it. I am getting paid what I am worth.

The only problem I find is I swear the maturity of the folks I work with at times. They are all really sharp and hard working overall, but the lack of maturity I see is in not always having integrity to speak up and address issues.

So one person came to me and complained heavily about something months ago, then it came to my attention others had similar issues. They were discussed but only in the small individual conversations.

MY ONLY concern I ever raised was not understanding the communication style of ONE person and asking co workers to give me tips on trying to CONNECT with that co worker better. I wanted INTERPERSONAL tips to feel like I could get to know this guy who was training me. He had been all business so cut and dry and from my perspective impatient and not really interested in teaching me anything (really). He acted, (from my perspective) like he thought I should be able to process and learn what he showed me very quickly.

It was not working. So I reached out and asked peers how to understand HIM so I could learn to work more cohesively and connect with intent he would be more interested in investing his time with me.

Well that pretty much backfired.

I was trying to take OWNERSHIP of the fact I WAS NOT GETTING what he was saying. Trying to acknowledge it was ME not undersanding and not attacking him as a person, but gently nudging that I needed something different to effectively learn.

OTHER co workers raised other issues.

I won't mention them here as they were not MINE.

BUT When we had a survey to see where we were at as a group and try to collectively improve our selves *WHICH WAS EXCELLENT I Thought! We are using SIX SIGMA LEAN MANAGMEMENT style process and performance improvement methodology which is very effective I believe; the problem is- very typically

I was the only one who filled out the comments section !

SO then it was just MY COMMENTS which we used in a problem solving session.

A bit awkward.

Nonetheless I sucked it up for the benefit of our group addressing all issues, so when we had the problem solving sessions I did mention those issues which PEERS had called to light.

The thing is the peers all were silent.

Some believe in transparency and some are just not comfortable being direct.

The leaves me being direct and to be honest the sitting duck.

So it CREATES A lack of trust of ME frankly.

Ironic as I am being honest and trying very consientiously to be gentle in raising issues which we should not ignore, without blame, just matter of fact so that they don't persist.

Just bad habit some of them

Like if you are asked to do something Don't PRETEND you did and then have a conversation about how it went based on BS LYING .

Own up if you had not time or didn't understand the task and need more training. Don't give BS and pretend it was done.

*That is my big pet peeve, having been at meetings where people talked nonsense. Not based on experience but talking to hear themselves talk I felt OR Talking to make themselves look good?

I don't quite understand why the insecurity...

But regardless

that did happen.

I was looking in a system that logs users and could SEE that most of a whole group on one project ignored a task we were all asked to do! Yet three people weighing in about how it went had not even logged in. (And no they did not work collaboratively in that case)

It was so odd.

There were other occasions similar bur that was the most glaring as the evidence was before us!(My old boss and I were looking at the system log as the meeting was happening with the BS Comments.) It's happened in my experience at least three or four other times where we sat at meetings and someone said they did something when they hadn't, or someone TOLD Me they did something but did not.

Maybe they thought they had done it? Maybe they intended to do it? Maybe they just wanted to look good and it felt uncomfortable to ask for help or say didn't get to it ?

But I am nit picking about my pet peeve.

Everyone has them.
Some are long emails (which I write I know!)
some are those who jump in and interrupt (Which I have to focus really hard NOT TO DO)

So I get it I can be equally annoying , if not more so

my perfectionism is annoying I am sure (especially as I make mistakes LOL)

But yet I strive to do things well so make suggestions if I see them

I learned in ONE JOB NOT TO DO THAT too early. The person who can not spell does not always apprechiate if you correct her spelling on her email going to a client for her... LOL (That was the law firm where that was not taken well.)

My big frustration is that I still don't get a working together feel like I had when I started with my boss at this job.

After she left there ARE some that I get that working together feel with. But then the fact of raising issues makes people wary and while it might help address the issues (so there will be greater honestly and accountability and not the bullshit lying of pretending to have done shit not done); it is at the cost of some team members being wary of working WITH ME. They don't want their shit called out. They don't want accountabilty REALLY.

My current manager is really terrific. But no one is perfect and accountability has not been her strength.
She doesn't follow up to be sure tasks are done all the time as she has GREAT Trust.

I am more the trust but verify person.

But it makes the team think I have NO Trust I think

just cause when I raised my one nit pick , in convo I also couldn't ignore the things the other co workers mentioned to me that they were concerned with.

I am just the messenger.

So it feels a bit crappy in the short term. I know this will pass.

I get thanks from management for raising issues, damn stupid awards

I kinda feel like that is similar to when the complainer at my other job who was never happy got employee of the month just to make her happy.

BULLSHIT

So I kinda am cynical when I get awards for our productive problem solving after having raised issues...and HOPE that was GENUINE and not a bullshit "lets keep this disgruntled negative employee happy"
beacuse I am NOT a negative , disgruntled employee! I am just the messenger.

At least where I work they don't shoot the messenger as I encountered in the past! Pacifying and trying to make the messenger happy is a better response, but the best response is listening to the issues and addressing them!
Which I am VERY Happy my workplace does!

We have excellent management AND an excellent team of people with a truly good work culture.

I just felt I was in the hot seat for the time being

Only because no one else filled out the comments section!

But I did get an odd award for saying YES I will do an upcoming task WHICH DIDN"T HAPPEN YET. I felt that was very kind and truly did apprechiate that.

But at the same time I would more apprechiate if the folks on that team I work with would ENGAGE in working with me. If when I say "I would like to help with that process to learn it" I would get SURE lets do it, rather than the response "I just have to get it done and am pushing a deadline, I hope you understand"

I do understand. But if I keep hearing that and then OTHER folks are allowed in to learn the process then I will take that personally.
Fear of teaching me because I spoke up that we need help as a company in guiding on how to teach and train?

I was not criticizing any person Its just a HUGE GAP at our company!

I just don't trust that the kudos are not motivated by some fear that I AM THE DISGRUNTLED employee!

I am really not

But I kinda see the management fear that they need to manage ME
just cause I was the vocal one.

It will be but a moment...

CE la vie...

OR I really am cynical and jaded and truly have trust issues? LOL Maybe the lack of trust is really deep rooted and all mine and one other person who fed into that or nurtured it- whichever and maybe she was not honest when SHE TOLD Me of things two others said?

I hope not!

I DO APPRECHIATE the awards at work! But moreso I would apprechiate if my team members trust ME And want to work with ME with openness.

That is the more important thing.

And the being honest about concerns for some reason doesn't foster that when no one else will speak up.

I feel like then I am cut out; excluded; and there is reluctance to work with me (except of course from the one or two who confided in me for whom I was the voice to the larger group! But when they are not THERE ANYMORE and not in roles I work with them anymore that is a moot point. They might not be here but the ISSUES if they were real still needed addressing SO I RAISED THEM. CE la vie. But I am feeling I will have a time to work alone, put my nose to the grind so to speak and try to do my best work and rebuild trust that I was not attacking any one in particular and that I WON'T but just want our team to be the best it can be.

So once again, my biggest challenge at work is to build the trust of MY TEAM of ME.

That means do good work consistently, be available and helpful and be open to learning what is being taught.

And moving forward listen more talk less.

But if I listen just do so empathatically and perhaps help people find THEIR own voice.

I don't want to be the sitting duck.

Back to my being frugal which is what I came on line to write about. There is encouragement from my boss to consider the PMP.
Project Management Professional

So I thought about it.

But honestly I see very little added value in paying to join the Project Management Institute and then having my company drop $1300 on a course to prepare for an exam which frankly will teach and test many skills that I know I could improve, but overall think I have the core of.

I just am too cheap right now.
I don't see enough of a return other than patting self on back .

YES I would ENJOY The class.
YES I AM SURE I WOULD LEARN MORE SKILLS than what I have.

I am not going to collect credentials because they make me feel and look good.

That is an expensive hobby I think some enjoy.

Heck, I would go for it but stopped at the must pay , I think it was $129 to become a member of PMI first in order to then apply to take the certification exam. YES My workplace might choose to pay $1300 for a class for me.

But I don't see the added value of my $130 being dropped on this just now.
I didn't pay the $150 to renew my NCMA membership this year either.

I judged it was a waste of $450 to have done so the past three years when employed already in a job I have much to continue learning in a different AREA of work.

As far as project management. Heck I have to do that ALL THE TIME to varying degrees.

The organizing marketing for a non profit board gives me enough to work on , thank you. I grow tired of it, and don't want to take on any MORE Projects to manage.

Its just exhausting.
I want to do my job well and take on what responsibilities I am asked to do.

BE we can not ALL be ALL THINGS.

Thank you, NO. I don't need to add that little check on my list...

not a good investment of my money at this point in time.

I also don't think I need to have the company pay $1300 for a really short truncated three day overview class review.

Too short of a time frame as then have to take the exam two weeks later. I would prefer to get materials and take my time with them.

So think going to skip the credential and just find the PMBOK Project management book of knowledge and learn the material well to apply it in my work.
That is really what I need.

I have the job, I have the salary I need to support my family but frankly can't be wasting money on things without added value.

Taking the kids out for a rare moment to eat at a Korean restarant this week (cause one is obsessed with K Pop) was a greater priority.

Trying to get good at my job so I can leave before 8pm is a priority.

DAMN that is the time I left the last two nights..

I just needed to get stuff done when had energy to do it. A lull mid day of tiredness so obsessively cleaned out email knowing that it would make me have to work late but I just HAD to organize that crap and clean it up! IT was an OCD type moment of obsession.. yes I get them too, just like my kids I suppose!

I am kidding really, it was a choice as I want to get rid of clutter so I can work more focused and organized. Know it takes time up front but have to be more organized in using the system I set up for organizing email. I am GREAT at setting up systems of organization but NOT GOOD at getting in the habit of using them.

So that was an effort , mundane and boring as it is, which will yield benefits ongoing as long as I Stick to the organization I set.

It will mean less time with email in long run.

OK off to work. I think I got crap off my plate which was needed.

And I spent time nurturing my self by writing.

Now I am ready to face the day.

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