2018-03-10 - 3:11 p.m.

I am planning a date night, with me, myself and I.

I go see good theater once in a while. If I haven't a date to enjoy it with I go myself.

This time I bought two tickets just in case I am fortunate to have company.

Not likely... but for the little bit of extra I can support a non profit theater which is putting on an interesting show I am very much excited to see.

AND on top of that, on my date I really look forward to visiting a lovely town I visited once before and had a fantastic time. (It was a holiday impromptu day trip with my children and a memorable one. We just kinda found ourselves there and had a blast;

and

this is the kicker:

I will get to view the painting I came across which I found absolutely beautiful and stunning.

Its so very personal to me why that captured my attention so much that I want to see it in person.

I was fiscally responsible and paid off credit card debt and am investing in my children, and our family via training the puppy!

We really all need to be on the same page, and there is a learning curve needed which the behavior mod dog training books didn't quite meet yet for all my household of girls.

So I will be content with my small yet I am sure memorable moment of taking in the beauty of the portrait.

AND the joy of good life theater.

The reviews of this show captured my attention. Its themes of relationships , what they are based on, and illusion and reality of who we are in relation to whom we project ourselves to be. It seems to explore the art and grace of actual deep connection and questions what kinds of relationships as adults provide meaning and fulfillment of our selves and add to our personal growth and life.

The reviews and comments of the director are that the play is so well written with a surprising depth and moving, so much so that I have to go see it.

The question of "What is a REAL relationship" captivates me, as in my dating world of late there are those breadcrumbs of sharing small parts of self, expressions of small amounts of interest and an enticement to follow the trail to see where they lead

Yet the sense that there may be nothing at the end but picked up breadcrumbs.

I love that question of what makes a relationship real.

An interesting one of course for those of us who I think truly are relationship avoidant or challenged at actual deep, meaningful connection.

I understand my own reticence.

After a week in which I worked 10 hrs on Wed, 10 hrs on Thu and 11 on Friday (and I might have actually miststated a little.. might have been embarrassingly even in fact more. I tend to round DOWN out of sheer horror at my own self, at what I recognize is my own ILLNESS)...

I found this fantastic article.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-excess/201612/workaholism-and-psychiatric-disorders

I was even so brazen (or stupid) to google and find it at work.

I know that is dumb.

But this time taking for myself is self care.

I could drop money on a therapist. I could go see a Dr. and be given a prescription at the drop of a hat.
I could run up medical bills in self care...

OR I can spend a little money on theater tickets in hope of enjoyment for myself and the fantasy of fantastic date who accompanies me. (And invite the typical addictive personality workaholic man I am attracted to to join me, knowing damn well it is not going to happen... CE la vie...)

and call that my self care.

Hey it is an improvement.

THIS Week I will not work past eight hours a day.

I VOW to myself that has to stop.

I did SO WELL when I went for a run every morning! This darn knee, leg thing is healing but still a bit of a challenge. Still a bit of pain. I know I could go see a Dr. and take care of that, and suppose that should make it to my TO DO.

YES I should do that.

But for this week, it the music therapy appointment for my two girls and then self care for me by taking myself out to relax.

Suceess. Small successes.

Last week my ADHD moment was that I came and picked up the girls for their appointment to realize IT WAS THE FOLLOWING WEEK! UGH! Better one week early than late...

CE la vie.

I have such trouble keeping track of time.

Its like my brain doesn't fully comprehend the whole construct of time!

But this week I will pay attention to it.
I will be sure to LEAVE on time each day and get into a routine.

I have no choice.

Because if I don't do this I most certainly will NOT BE WELL.

I have to be well.

It just feels to awful to not be.

I am writing this at the library as three of my teens are at a Harry Potter Party! YES! Self care.
They at least know how to play.

That means everything and I hope they never forget it.

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