2001-04-27 - 3:12 p.m.

I feel fortunate today as I listen to Katerina practice "The Happy Farmer" , her new suzuki song on the violin.

I just read another's web site - that of a poet who is said to dream of lilacs, farms and small people to hold. Those images struck me as they are very present in my life.

Yesterday while driving in my rural neighborhood I passed a brilliant fragrant lilac bush and recalled the one which grew outside my bedroom window at my parents home where I grew up. I had thought then that I must plant some lilacs! I picked a spot this morning and when I told Westley he noted it would be perfect - especially as we need to fill in that side of the hill next to our driveway before all the dirt erodes. He recently went through with the loader and cleared it as it had been home to lots of weeds and poison ivy. The rain is starting to erode the soil. Lilacs and wildflowers will be beautiful along our driveway! I have some poppy seeds I'll through down today.

This afternoon after violin is practiced, the kids, Westley and I will be putting seeds in the ground on our farm. As I write and listen I am holding baby girl who recently awoke.

I wonder at the dreams of that single thirty something San Francisco poet who a few years ago lamented for her friend who she felt had "settled" in life for the boredom of middle class america as- of all things-- a HOUSEWIFE and MOTHER!! At the time I had been the working wife of a poor musician, which she somehow felt was a noble thing. The poet at the time spoke as if her friend had died and had not yet another happy moment of existance. It seemed to me that she was most unsettled by the fact that the girl had married into money as they say- and somehow the poet thought she lost her soul in that process, as if poverty is what creates purity of the soul and fulfillment in life. It seems that just a few years later her I am in a similar situation to her friend-- and now the poet dreams of someday knowing what it is to be all these things that she is not! Perhaps she has realized that in poverty one has less freedom - which is what she ultimately desires.

It's an odd feeling to recognize when you are envied!

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