Get your own diary at! contact me older entries newest entry

2001-09-12 - 11:01 p.m.

My birthday is September 11th. It will now be a date which no one can forget.

I recall the events of last year on my birthday. It was a Friday night and I had planned on going out to a big party with my husband and another couple we were friendly with. Instead my friend who had come over to babysit ended up going out with me as he was in a horrible mood-- worrying that we were running late, and angry at me as I was trying to be bossy and very maternal and I guess annoying as I told him what pants I thought he should wear. He never lets anyone boss him around- so after the fourth or fifth time I asked "What's wrong with those pants? Why don't you just try them on?"

He announced "I'm not going. Send M home and go yourself"

I think it must have been the fact that rather than tell friend M to go home I loaned her a dress and she joined me which must have angered him. I think he intended on "punishing" me for making him angry and thought I'd be sad that he wouldn't go. Since we were headed out to a party featuring multiple jazz bands, and he didn't really ever want to go to begin with, I was not upset at all. I thought I's have fun without him. So he sat home stewing getting angrier and angrier while I was out having fun. It was because I came home SO HAPPY that he really freaked!

I felt like I was hit by an unknown terrorist when I came home that night.

His attack was really harsh and I was in shock that he was so angry.

So Sept 11th has already been ingrained in my memory as not only my birthday, but unfortunately the date of the worst incident I have ever experienced in my life.

Fortunatly throughout the past year my husband and I have attended marriage counseling, and he has attended individual counseling dealing with anger management, and I have also attended individual counseling in an effort to improve my communication. The result has been that we both have grown and our communication has improved so that I don't believe we will ever spiral to the low point we had been at.

I feel like we had been in our own personal war.

And forgiveness is the key to healing.

So now we really need forgiveness to heal the wounds of the horrible atrocities which were committed against our country.

It may seem a wimpy and crazy thing to say.

But I think it is time for prayers- not only for those who did this to the U.S.-- but to pray for ourselves and for the U.S. to have the capacity to forgive.

The only other alternative is continued war... which only ends when either one side forgives and gives up fighting, or one side is destroyed.

A year ago I actually had moved out of my home. I packed up the kids and took a bold step of saying that violence in my home and in my relationship was not acceptable. That really wasn't all that hard to do for me. I could have let my marriage end and moved on with my life.

It was harder to come back. But I did it. And I'm glad I did- as we are truly both very happy now. We are in a relationship which though not perfect, is not one which has violence as part of it.

My marriage intact, and our family now together- and still growing and improving is a gift I am grateful for. It takes much work, but I feel the rewards of that effort every day.

And my days are now filled with productive activity as well as quiet times of peace.

I thank God for that capacity to forgive, and to love which has brought my husband and I to this point.

I pray for this in our world for us all. I Know from my experience it is possible!

about me - read my profile! read other DiaryLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get your own fun + free diary at!