2005-07-28 - 7:41 p.m.

Angelina Joli is just everywhere in the media lately. So much so that even I who am often truly oblivious of pop culture has taken note.

I think it fantastic that as UNHCR ambassador she has really called attention to the plight of refugees in a way I think none other has as successfully done.

I started reading the articles about her as I have always really liked her work!

I loved her in FOXFIRE which was more of an underground cult film than never really hit mainstream. I thought she was brilliant in Girl Interrupted. I knew of Foxfire only because someone told me of it who happened to know I would apprechiate it as it was based on a JOYCE CAROL OATES story set in Central NY
(AND as much as Joyce Carol Oates writing irks me with it's repetition, I have equal respect for her ability to write THE SAME STORY OVER AND OVER AGAIN and each time do it incredibly well! I also LOVE her settings and the whole capturing of upstate NY she does so well. And who I am to judge a writer for repetition when I beat the SAME topics to death in my perserveration of ramblin as irksome as any!)

So it was a huge laugh that I let out when I was reading of Ms Joli's work with UNHCR and realized
THAT WAS HER IN BEYOND BORDERS!

I laughed at my characterization of it as a unknown but fantastic movie. I MUST have been off in my assessment. (Unless Ms. Joli has managed to grab the media limelite with only movies that are never really big hits.)

I think it funny I paid such little attention to detail and I DIDN"T RECOGNIZE her in that film which I really loved!
Great suspension of disbelief.....
Terrific acting so much so that she became only the character in the film to me.

I am inspired that playing that role REALLY CHANGED HER LIFE.

I had that feeling that that movie was so powerful that IT COULD CHANGE LIVES.

I think it remarkable to discover how inspiring it was to her.

I remember being inspired when I saw it. At the time I felt like if I WERE not married it would be the kind of life I would lead. I remember thinking how it had this facinating blend of infusing daily life with meaning, yet at the same time BEING JUST CRAZY. I love that risk and thrill which is calculated and deemed WORTH it in order to do someting that is truly important , and which not many would really be capable of jumping into full force.

I bet those who are in the military, or firemen , or other positions which require RISK for a greater good feel much the same way. Entering professsions like that are one way to FEEL IMPORTANT, and to FEEL LIKE you are making a unique difference in the world.

I swear that's why I think those professions attract some who have true yearning to help others, and then others who have true yearning to inflate their own egos.

Maybe I have that combination of both: the need to do something valuable, and the need to think that I AM INDEED valued, and special and uniquely doing something no one else can.

I always had this quirk in writing papers for school. I never would hand in a paper that I DIDN'T think was infused with some creative original thesis or points. I HAD to find some way to be creative. If the subject matter left little room, then I would change the FORM. So when I had to write a criticism on Chaucer in HS and it seemed EVERYTHING that could be said was said, I then wrote my piece for my Engligh nun teacher as a poem and emulated the style, rhyme and meter. Now some teachers would have been thrilled. SHe was ANGRY at my continued DEFINANCE of ALWAYS finding some way to pervert her intended exercise and still remain in the realm of her instructions.

It was my grand exit to her class.

That was the extreme example.
In college that insistance bode VERY well. My college Shakesphere Prof LOVED the paper on KING LEAR that was handed in that wasn't what he expected, but demonstrated understanding and insight as it was a SHORT STORY based on the famous play.
Once again it was the case of WHAT THE HELL CAN I SAY ABOUT KING LEAR THAT IS WORTH READING??

NOt much-- so let me demonstrate proficiency in a unique way I CAN.

This also worked well in philosophy classes,however it often was almost unattainable and I wouldn't hand in a paper until I hit that unique contribution. I did achieve it.

My biggest achievement was when I was asked to be cited by my Prof who was a DICKENS expert and who loved one idea I had. It was an achievement as HE DISAPPROVED of my proposed thesis and said TRY AGAIN then badgered me as I didn't hand in another and insisted on following through with the one he wouldn't accept. So he wouldn't accept my thesis proposal but then gave me a shocking A on the paper. HE was in shock. I was a thorn in his side and possibly his LEAST favorite student EVER.

Somehow that challenge MOTIVATED me.

IN one philosophy class I INVERTED the theme to write on and handed in a paper refuting it. The professor then was not amused.

Anyway... this brings me to the thought of this BELLIGERANT oppositional streak in me. I also identify that attraction to BIG RISK like the life of the UNHCR workers.

I wonder where the heck those attributes of my personality COME FROM.

Is it the FIGHTING IRISH in me?

I am currently thinking of these traits and hoping to harness them into a positive motivational tool. I am hoping to find a very unique creative way to follow through on writing on a subject in an area of literature that I think IT HASN'T BEEN fleshed out yet. I think I have the creative idea well formed. NOW I need the motivation to see it through.

Ironically I think I need someone to tell me MY IDEA SUCKS. IT WILL NEVER WORK. or YOU CAN'T DO tHAT.

So I have to start sending out abstracts of it to publishers.
Maybe I'll get some REALLY GOOD MOTIVATING REJECTION LETTERS!

Quite bizarre..... but I am trying to work with even my limitations!

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