2005-10-03 - 12:36 p.m.

I went to the appt with the cardiologist last Thu and thankfully all is well with my heart!

I took a stress test and in fact was surprised by the shape I am in! Thanks to being busy running after kids, and the bizarre yet still beneficial result of my response to stress being the abnormal one of FORGETTING to eat and having a decreased appetite-- I am likely in the best shape EVER physically.

The chest pains were likely due to stress, as women are emotionally overwealmed with strong emotion they repond differently from men and indeed can have a surge of hormones that indeed CAN AFFECT the heart and cause chest pains. The cardiologist said it is more difficult monotoring women's heart health as they often DO NOT have the classic sypmtoms of men and can indeed have a problem at times with NO OTHER precursor, or risk factors.

He did also said though that although no one REALLY understands why, FAMILY HISTORY is the # 1 indicator of heart disease so he respected my decision to fight with the gatekeepers and "CUT TO THE CHASE" as he called it to get the appt with him considering I felt chest pains and considering MY FATHER'S history. He LAUGHED as I told him my mothers report of "Just A little heart trouble" that resulted in two balloon stints in my DAD's heart!

I apprechiated that someone else could find the humor in that!

I also talked to him about ADDERALL which he recommended taking if prescribed without worry as my stress test was fine

WWHAT THE HELL??? KEYBOARD ISSUES AGAIN>>> MMY CAPS LOCK SEEMS STUCK OH WELL I CONSTANTLY BUMP IT WHEN WRITING AND HAVE LEARNED TO IGNORE THE CONSTANT UNINENDED CAPS!

OK maybe its the shift key>>> that was stuck>>> anyway this is the result of (what"s her psuoname<<<<

I CAN"T EVEN REACALL MY OWN INVENTED NAMES WHEN WRITING>>
IMAGINE WHAT IT IS LIKE FOR ME TRYING TO READ TOLSTY OR DICKENS I HAVE TO RESTART MANY TIMES UNTIL I GET ALL THE CHARACTERS ALMOST STRAIGHTENED OUT IN MY MIND AND HAVE SOME RETENTION BEFORE I CAN THEN GET THROUGH A COMPLICATED BOOK>

BUT I DIGRESS>>> WAS GOING TO FINISH THE FIRST TOPIC OF THE CARDIOLOGY VISIT BEFORE JUMPING TO THE ADHD SYPTOM STUFF!

WITH THE KEYBOARD ACTIN FUNNY OI THINK I"LL LEAVE TYPOS $ NOW?
AHH>>>

ANYWAY AS I LEFT THE APPT I INADVERTADLY MADE A RIGHT TURN THINKING I WAS GOING BACK THE WAY I CAME ONLY TO THEN NOTICE I WAS HEADING THE WRONG WAY ON A ONE WAY STREET!

THAT WAS THE MOMENT WHEN I THOUGHT I WOULD DEFINTATLY CONSIDER EXPLORING THE MEDICATION OPTION FOR ADHD!

I SHOULD SAY CONTINUE EXPLORING OR RATHER CONTINUE TAKING THE MEDICATION AS PRESCRIBED

I STARTED AGAIN ON FRI MORN>

THIS MORN I HAD MY APPT WITH THE PSYCIATRIST WHO INCREASED THE DOSE OF ADDERALL TO TWENTY MG>

I DROPPED KATIE OFF AT HER PRESCHOOL PROGRAM AND MADE IT ON TIME FOR THE APPT AS WESTELY WATCHED THE OTHER KIDS>

MORNING APPTS WORK BETTER AS HE WON"T GET CAUGHT UP IN HIS DAY AND FORGET ABOUT IT< OR LOSE TRACK OF TIME AND NOT MAKE IT BACK ON TIME>

I SWEAR HE IS AS DIAGNOSABLE AS ME!

OH_ AND THE DOCS IMPRESSION OF THE MMPI WAS THAT IT IS A COMPLETELY WORTHLESS TEST!

HE STOPPED USING IT YEARS AGO BASED ON STUDIES THAT SHOW PEOPLE OFTEN DO VERY WELL ON THAT EVEN WHEN THEY HAVE ISSUES HE SAID THE COMPANY HE USED TO USE TO MAIL IT IN STOPPED OFFERING THAT SERVICE BASED ON ITS UNRELIABILITY

I FIND IT INTERESTING THAT COURTS RELY SO HEAVILY ON A TEST THAT IS SO CLEARLY NOT UIVERSALLY ACCEPTED> WESTELY"S COMMENT WAS THAT PSYCOLOGY IS NOT A SCIENCE THE PROBLEM IS THE COURTS TREAT IT AS IF IT IS!

SO THE DOC WASN"T AT ALL INTERESTED IN EVEN GETTING A COPY OF IT! I TOLD HIM ABOUT THE CUSTODY CASE AND THE CIRCUMSTANCES THAT LED UP TO IT> AND THE MMPI JUST IN CASE HE WOULD FIND IT USEFUL

HIS RESPONSE WAS PRETTY FUNNY AND IN A WAY VINDICATING TO ME! IT STILL BAFFLES ME THAT SO CALLED EXPERTS GET PAID LOTS OF MONEY TO SPIN BS THAT IS BASED ON OUTDATED TOOLS OF THEIR TRADE

I REMEMBER THE CROSS EXAMINATION QUESTION I ASKED "CAN YOU TELL ME THE INSTRUCTIONS FOR COMPLETING THE MMPI"

ANSWER: "NO"

MY NEXT QUESTION "DID YOU READ THEM BEFORE ADMINISTERING THE TEST TO ME?"

"NO"

"WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU READ THEM"

"I DON"T KNOW IVE BEEN ADMINISTERING THIS TEST FOR YEARS THOUGH"

"DO YOU REGULARLY READ THE INSTRCTIONS EACH TIME"

"NO"

"SO IS IT SAFE TO SAY YOU ARE NOT IN THE HABIT OF READING THE INSTRUCTIONS AND THAT IT MAY HAVE IN FACT BEEN YEARS SINCE YOU HAVE DONE SO?"

OF COURSE THE RECEIVED ANSWER WAS "I DON"T KNOW"

WELL I THINK I DID A DAMN FINE JOB OF MAKING THE CREDIBILITY OF THE SO CALLED EXPERT OPINION QUESTIONABLE TO ANYONE WITH HALF A BRAIN CONSIDERING THAT AND THAT I GOT THE PSYCOLOGIST TO SAY THAT MY EX HAD A DIAGNOSIS OF BIPOLAR DISORDER A FEW YEARS BACK AND THEN TO GO ON AND STATE IN RESPONSE TO MY QUESTIONING THAT IT IS POSSIBLE FOR ONE WHO HAD A DIAGNOSIS TO HAVE IT REMOVED SHE TRULLY SOUNDED LIKE AN IDIOT

ESPECIALLY WHEN ASKED IF SHE CONTACTED MY EXS DR WHEN SHE SAID "I DIDNT THINK IT NECESSARY"

YEAH A GUY WITH A PSYCIATRIC HISTORY THAT IS LONGER THAN THE MEDICAL AND SCHOOL RECORDS OF THE WHOLE REST OF MY FAMILY COMBINED>>>>> AND SHE THOUGHT IT UNECESSARY

BUT I DIGRESS>>> THE POINT WAS THAT THE DR TODAY JUST VALIDATED MY THOUGHTS THAT THAT EXPERT WAS REALLY NOT MUCH OF AN EXPERT IN ANYTHING OTHER THAN MAKING TONS OF MONEY SELLING HERSELF TO THE COURT SYSTEM FOR HIRE>

SHES EXPERT AT SELF PROMOTION AND RUNNING HER OWN PRACTICE FUELED BY PEOPLES CUSTODY BATTLES

ENOUGH WRITING FOR NOW AS I HAVE TO GO CLEAN UP THE MESS IN THE KITCHEN> I LEFT KATIE TO CREAM BUTTER FOR BUTTER COOKIES> THE THREE YEAR OLD RAITLIN! IT CAME TO ME! RAITLIN DECIDED TO ADD OATMEAL TO IT AND MADE A ROYAL MESS> KATIE WAS SO HAPPY MUSHING THE BUTTER OVER AND OVER I THOUGHT I"D LEAVE HER IN THAT BLISS AND WRITE! WE MADE GREAT COOKIES ALREADY TODAY>> MORE ON THAT LATER WHEN THE KEYBOARD WORKS AS I KEEP WRITING AND ACCIDENTLY DELETING AND ITS ULTIMATELY ANNOYING??? OOPS > ALL MY PUCTUATION IS SCREWED UP>> TH>>

I"LL WRITE MY INVENTED RECIPIE OF OATMEAL CRAB APPLE CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES I CAME UP WITH

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