Get your own diary at! contact me older entries newest entry

2006-01-11 - 11:33 a.m.

My bro's new venture in SC has been getting attention. Here's a positive review:

But unfortunately they apparently are making waves in ways they did not anticipate. The EDITOR has quit after his apt was allegedly set on fire, and he assumes it is from someone who targeted him after his expose of SOMETHING in the paper. Considering all the things that he has written are offensive to someone, I think that is a decent theory. What I can't figure out though is why he would quit. Maybe its just me, but I would think that they shouldn't be all that surprised by the outlash and that it doesn't jive with the personality of a tailblazer to QUIT at that obstacle. Maybe I am just less risk averse than most folks: But the guy DIDN'T OWN the place and has no family so as a single young man I really am surprised that he Quit over this! Maybe my view is indeed NUTS BUT HONESTLY I WORRY that the fire is the best publicity for what is indeed a struggling paper. It might be mean of me to even think or SAY but I think the trailblazing journalists out on a mission could be suspects themselves. Hmm... that would be really twisted. I guess it just as likely that some disgruntled reader did that. BUt what would some reader's motive be? IT seems most likely to SCARE the paper?? IF SO WHY WOULD THE PAPER SUCCOMB to that and in fact make the tactic effective??I just find them bowing to that kind of pressure NOT CREDIBLE from typically HIGH RISK personalituys typical of investigative journalism. I really am more worried about the other possible motive of increasing visibility and publicity... ESPECIALLY since MICHAEL MOORE Linked an article about the paper on his site. I fear that scenario AS LIKELY as the one of a disgruntled reader!

SO THAT's MY FEAR as I hope my bro is indeed innocent in this.

I just really DO WORRY about him as I know he has the tendency to seek attention and do so in over the top ways! I just hope not over the top of crossing the line of integrity and honesty. But he has crossed other lines of propriety with his trailblazing work.... and seems to want to be that over the top character.

I worry though as they claim there are NO SUSPECTS yet I am SURE that is certainly not true. I am sure there are at LEAST two suspects and I think they are indeed obvious ones.

HOPE my gut instinct is dead wrong.

I just talked to my mom who found out about this from the web site too. She said my bro was visiting in FL over the holiday but was back in SC when the fire occurred.

SHe said the police and the FBI are investigating it.She is convinced that it not possible the paper was itself involved and thinks it understandable the editor was really scared and quit.

Anyway... My bro is still publishing and she said remains committed to continue.

I am sure he is. What bothers me is that the editor isn't. I don't really BELIEVE That.... but think the QUITTING is potentially a tactic which that would make it LOOK like the paper staff themselves are NOT a suspect... as why would an editor do that HIMSELF to call attention to a publication UNLESS HE WERE NOT TO QUIT. Which is what worries me...
I still don't see one who would QUIT as fitting the profile of that kind of reporter to begin with.

My mother thinks I have an OVERACTIVE imagination and should have more confidence in my bro.

I AM SURE SHE IS RIGHT ABOUT THE OVERACTIVE IMAGINATION (Which is why I tend to be a good creative writer!)
If anything else this could make an interesting FICTIONAL story some day!

But another thing that REALLY worries me about the whole thing:
When I asked my mom "WHERE IS THE PAPER GOING to get the $10,000 they are advertising for a reward if the arsonist is found?"

She said She didnt know-and doesn't ask questions about other peoples lives and endeavors. She said maybe my bro would take out a 2nd mortgage on his condo.
I said "That sounds a bit crazy to me. Do you think he'd do that?"

She said "Yes- people use their homes for collateral for a business they are passionate about."
I said "Sure IF THE GUY DIDN'T QUIT.... MAYBE" and then I also said "YES- that is done all the time, but by those real trailblazers who do incredible things because they themselves are a little nuts"

That is the attitude of HIGH RISK folks... they typical profile of start ups etc... ALL business starts with those with a thick skin. I worry as the mentality isn't ALL THAT FAR from those who cross those ethical lines and really go OVER THE TOP.

The NEWS of the EDITOR Quitting is what made me nervous.

I just would have felt better if my bro was in FL when the arson allegedly happened. (Which is why I called my MOM) He was unfortunately back in Columbia. She said he had friends visiting and he was busy out with them so not to worry about it as she is SURE he couldn't be involved. THAT FACT DOES MAKE ME FEEL BETTER As she named his friends and I know who they are and the fact they were with him that weekend makes it VERY UNLIKELY that he could have been involved! THey are not the kind of crazy folk who would be involved in anything like that and I also don't think they are the kind of partiers who would overdo drinking and even inadvertadly be involved in anything like that.

What I WAS WORRIED about was that somehow the fire started due to carelessness, or something happening when some of the more heavy drinking friends were together and then when QUESTIONED about it in the media they gave the theory of arson. I mean who would say "We had a rocking party and X got drunk and his lighter set something on fire accidentally"

EVEN IF SOMETHING like that inadvertadly happened, they might not COME OUT AND SAY IT since the EDITOR didn't OWN the place. I worried that EVEN IF there was no MOTIVE of getting publicity for their new paper, that somehow an ACCIDENTAL fire was then questioned and maybe there was something that happened that the apt dweller and paper editor DIDN'T WANT TO REVEAL... and that then there was this UNEXPECTED media attention of an uncomforable situation. Knowing that my bro and SOME Of his friends are not light on the alcohol use made me worry about this! (But the ones who were with him that weekend are not the wild friends of his! WHEWW... that makes me feel MUCH BETTER!)

But apparently someone KICKED in the door which does indicate it was a forced entry.

With the FBI on the case it likely they will uncover the truth of the matter.


Mom ended her conversation saying that she makes a point of NOT WORRYING about her children as she has to live her own life and would be a nervous WRECK if she were to do so. She told me I would understand that some day. I told her I ALREADY DO and talked of Katerina and SOREN. I get it.

SHe in fact called me and got my voice mail ON MY OLD CELL PHONE we are shutting off. I transitioned to a new one AND CALLED AND TOLD her-- but she had forgotten, so with the history of domestic violence in my relationship she was a FRANTIC MESS when I hadn't called her back two or three days later! SHe told me she took an anti anxiety pill to calm down after a few days and was trying to not be a wreck with worry. So I have to make a point to call her with greater freqency. I guess I shouldn't have shared my worry regarding my bro with her as now she is likely to worry about him too!

I guess this is indeed what family members do ... its part of life and love!

Yet strangely I don't WORRY about safety of my bro in his alternative press work. I just don't really see that someone would be so crazy in response to a local paper's report. YET Maybe these young journalists really DID disrupt some status quo there in SC so badly that it is threatening. After all they do thing like remind their representaives that they have to return ILLEGALLY received campaing money and then said "Just in case you forgot- we have your TAB" and published EACH representatives ill begotten gains!

(I thought that was brilliant!)

They also published the LAW BREAKING report of all the judges in the area: listing every traffic conviction they all received and note there are MIRACULOUSLY NONE after judicial appointment. Those lead footed judges seems to get to be better drivers with the promotion....

And this is in SC which indeed still uses the term LYNCHING as a common term for any violence against another that doesn't result in murder. They use the term almost in an effort to OBVISCATE how it TRADITIONALLY has been come to be understood HISTORICALLY. They use the term almost in a manner TO CHANGE It's understanding so the reading of HISTORY becomes UNCLEAR and the fact of RACISM is diminished as they explicitally say that the lynching crime being reported on now were not race related. That could make the reading of history A BIT BLURRED. I was reading the MAINSTREAM paper and its use of symantics of LYNCHING for what the rest of the world calls BATTERY was just SO WEIRD that it reminded me that indeed SOUTH CAROLINA is a very different place that NY

Maybe I SHOULD be worried about my BRO. But maybe I was worried about the wrong thing! Maybe the real worry is that He is At risk because of his work.

My mom said the editor REALLY WAS SCARED for his safety.

In any case I hope my bro is safe and healthy (both physically and mentally!) and not involved in anything that would be a compromise to his integrity and honesty! I hope he indeed DOES succeed with bringing truth out in his paper and opening up COLUMBIA to ideas they haven't really been willing to discuss and question some of the paradigms and norms that they have long accepted.

Considering truth in journalism is indeed HIS PASSION it makes it likely my worry was indeed a silly whim. I fear the worry about safety might not be as silly.
Especially when I consider that in the 1990s I was ALSO a victim of ARSON. When I and my roommates were targeted as the WHITE folk in the BLACK neighborhood (Which was SO CLOSE AND CONVIENIENT TO OUR COLLEGE AND BUS ROUTES TO WORK) I was ADAMENT that I WASN'T GOING TO SUCCUMB to pressure of some punk kids. SO I REFUSED to move

That is INITIALLY.... and what happened was that TWO WEEKS LATER my apt was AGAIN set on fire.

So thinking back to that I think the EDITOR is wiser than me. Just don't play with fire to such a dangerous point. There are times its smarter to not be so stubborn EVEN if it seems to succumb to control tactics as sometimes the one trying to control JUST WON'T QUIT and will keep intimidating and may REALLY WANT TO HARM YOU!

I remind myself of that ALL THE TIME NOW KNOWING I HAVE THAT TENDENCY TO NOT GIVE UP EVEN IN THE FACE OF EXTREME ADVERSITY. (Thus my mom's incessant worry about me!)

It is sometimes just so hard for me to believe that there are really people WHO WOULD INTENTIONALLY HARM SOMEONE--LET ALONE ME!

It just doesn't make sense to me SO MUCH that I look for OTHER POSSIBLE explainations! (Even to the point of questioning the possibility of my brother's integrity WHEN I HAVE ALWAYS KNOWN HIM TO BE HONEST!) I guess I just have a hard time ACCEPTING that people are EVIL and WANT TO HARM at times! EVEN WHEN I HAVE MYSELF BEEN A VICTIM.

Hey the GOOD NEWS in that Report is that the FBI ARE INVOLVED. That's MUCH BETTER than my scenario in Buffalo years ago when it took the police HOURS to respond. Hmmm... maybe there ISN'T THAT MUCH DIFFERENCE between NY AND SC now that I recall that! They DIDN"T BOTHER to respond quickly and when they showed up blurted out "Sorry WE DIDN'T KNOW YOU LIVED HERE!" and the cop made it clear if he knew we were the WHITE FOLK and not the poor BLACK that they would have come sooner! Then they never did investigate the fire AT ALL!!!! They NEVER EVEN OPENED A CASE ON IT!

And at the time neither I nor my roommates WANTED to call the media and CALL ATTENTION TO IT! WE Just wanted to BE SAFE! I wanted TO HOLD OUT AND OVERCOME THE PUNK GANG likely of KIDS that spraypainted on the walls. I thought we had enough SUPPORT of the neighbors on the block that they would get the word out THAT WE WERE VALUABLE community members and then we'd be left alone! WE babysat the kids in the neighborhood, worked on their homework and talked about college with them. We were APPRECHIATED by the hard working-- and YES POOR BLACK FAMILIES that were on our street (EVEN THE "GARDENER" who we KNEW held the illicit SIDE business yet hoped for MORE for his daughter!)

So the way we handled it was indeed by the neighbors TRYING to get the word out WE WERE NOT A THREAT!
But it didn't work and the arsonist hit again.


So I guess the EDITOR is smarter than me.

And I hope whoever did it DOES not target my bro!

AND I AM GLAD that THEY DID GET THE ATTENTION OF OTHER MEDIA AS I think it LESS LIKeLY that someone will target my bro now that it is news the FBI is involved.


about me - read my profile! read other DiaryLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get your own fun + free diary at!