Get your own diary at! contact me older entries newest entry

2006-01-27 - 10:55 a.m.

I probably should have gone back to sleep last night after waking up at 1:45 AM, however I didn't.

I had fallen asleep on the couch promptly after hanging up the phone (After talking with Westley) It was around 9pm.

I then woke up and thought I should at least finish cleaning up the table (which was cleared but not wiped off.) I went in the dining room to also discover the messy highchair still full of spagetti. That done I thought, "I might as well make the icing and finish preparing the cake" which I wanted to make in the peacefulness of sleeping children and have ready to take on our day trip. (So as not to be NAGGED with requests for it BEFORE I plan on serving it!)

Hmmm... then I noted the pile of puzzle pieces and toys from the unfinished project of organizing all the toys such that each toy actually is stored WITH ALL ITS PARTS, rather than ALL THE TOYS AND PARTS BEING JUMBLED TOGETHER IN BINS.

That was a BIG PROJECT started a few days ago. So I got that just about done, and then distractedly started on something else I thought of. OH YES ! I realized it was PAY DAY, so tended to calling the bank, paying bills, taking care of some of the paperwork piled on my desk. I then found some lost Christmas CARDS never mailed as they were put aside with the intention of placing the girls photos in. I took care of that belated task, embarassed that ONCE AGAIN Westely's oldest BRO happened to fall into that pile! (WHy is that!!! HE Always gets the short end of the stick... and we REALLY don't MEAN to do that! The same BRO who his parents NEVER give any info about and DISCOURAGE us from visiting which only makes it WORSE as WESTELY doesn't realize it but HE IS INFLUENCED BY HIS MOTHER so HE LISTENS TO HER AND BELIEVES WHEN SHE OR HIS DAD SAY HIS BROTHER "IS BUSY THIS WEEKEND"

I FINALLY Caught onto this pattern and fully understand what his brother's wife meant when she said "ITs just terrible how they TRY to keep the kids from his Father's first wife and second seperate!" It REALLY sunk in THIS CHRISTMAS when we discovered that just a day or two AFTER we left his parents that the big BRO and TWO SISTERS of Westely were all coming in to celebrate the holidays with his parents! Westely seemed hurt that he hadn't been invited to the Christmas gathering, and indeed his sister confirmed that they have had it EVERY YEAR. She was talking about how nice it was that they all saw a distant cousin of theirs who made it this year. She had NO IDEA that WESTELY had never been invited and assumed we were never there as we couldn't make it. She also made it clear though that the annual gathering has been going on AT HER INSISTANCE as she said "OH! I'm Sorry you didn't know! Mom always discourages us from leaving them when we are there. I told her we ARE going to take off and go visit everyone else for a few days unless they can come to Mom and Dad's. " She said she thinks its not that the parents don't WANT them to see the siblings, but she thinks that its that the parents don't want HER TO LEAVE. That's how she reconciles it. I think its great that she insists she'll leave to visit everyone else- AS SHE SHOULD and that then they all come there.

So I talked with my brother in law and told him I'll be sure to be in touch with he and my sister in law BEFORE the holidays next year so we can plan the visit THE DAY OF the Gathering for only a few hours to see everyone! That will also take care of any need to stay there LONGER as it would be just TOO MUCH for them to have overnight house guests concurrent with such a big gathering!

I think THAT IS THE REAL REASON that his parents prefer to have us visit another time- so we do indeed stay a while.

But after this years antics I have no desire to stay longer than a brief visit!

So After getting all the bills, and lost cards and other mail ready I then was so excited about having been able to take care of debt and get the girls back into SCHOOL that I WROTE HERE ON THIS SITE FOR FAR TOO LONG!!

Then at 6:30 AM, just as I thought I'd nap for the next two hours- Raitlin awoke!

AHHH.... and here I am again!

But I HAVE TO link to this fascinating site:

Its of interest as I have been thinking ALOT about sleep disorders lately. I have OBSERVED cataplexy in both WESTELY and in SADIE! I had the insight that I meet many of the NARCOLEPSY criteria when I watched my friends show on SLEEP DISORDERS andf was just surprised to see the interviewed NARCOLEPTIC talk of things I am so familiar with! I too used to think the narcoleptic is the sterotypical one who is so severe they fall asleep in their soup. So since I was never THAT BAD, I guess I never took the suggested that I could have it seriously when a boss recommended I get tested for it years ago! (That was after I fell asleep at the wheel and had fallen asleep EVERY DAY of our job training! But I would wake up and be alert and engaged and did fine in my job once the ACTIVE part began!)

I thought it wasn't such an anomoly to fall asleep in class. OK- so I KNEW it was a bit odd to still be somewhat alert enough to come out of the sleep to answer a question when no one else got it! But I didn't think it that big of a deal.

What is fascinating is that WESTELY has these dream like states of being asleep but actually being aware of what is going on. He acknowledges that he HAS DRIVEN while napping! (Something I NEVER have done!) I in fact WAKE HIM UP when we are on long drives and I notice that glazed look come over him. He acts like I shouldn't worry as he still has AWARENESS. He tells storys of a roommate observing he would fall asleep with his eyes closed and he claims to have PRACTICED that - which he considered a great SKILL in college as then when HE NAPPED in class not everyone could tell!

HE ALSO CLEARLY EXHIBITS SYMPTOMS OF APNEA but for some reason got very upset at my suggestion of that.

Westely also has RESTLESS LEG SYNDROME which is clearly exasperated by caffine at night (though not coffee-- only chocolate!) and MSG . MSG in fact can not be tolerated AT ALL by him, Katie and Raitlin who are all crawling out of their skin if they have it, and kicking throught the restless night.

When I talked to WESTLEY about sleep disorders he insisted there is nothing WRONG with him- but that he just USES MORE OF HIS BRAIN FOR MORE TIME OF EACH DAY than most people! HE sees this as AN ASSET as he has literally invented a number of things AT NIGHT, and has the patents to prove that! HE also solved complex engineering problems by thinking of them as he falls asleep and seems to awaken with the correct answer. He can't then go back over a whole calculation, and he can't TELL YOU how he came up with the figure- but its remarkable that he does this REGULARLY and is DEAD ON ACCURATE. He is frustrated he can't explain HOW HE KNOWS these things when in PRofessional MEETINGS, but is happy that at this point in life most people have stopped asking as his record speaks for itself. HE also has these ridiculously accurate predictions for the fate of corporate mergers, aquisitions or demises, as well as when a new company will crop up. His current employer has been charting and graphing his predictions and the actual outcomes and is pretty awed.

I have chalked that up to being a true savant. When he talks of that I have told him he is uniquely different and has know that his whole life. He knew as a child he had what was then called an "undiffferentiated nurological disorder"

I think now its called ASPERGERS.

He, like me is also likely ADHD. (OK-- Go laugh at the "likely" OK we are as ADHD as anyone you could EVER MEET)

But I also think that there indeed is SOME FASCINATING CONNECTION between SLEEP DISORDERS and ADHD.

I wonder if the state of not getting enough of the RESTFUL sleep could not indeed be the cause of ADHD. I also wonder if the increased ACTIVE BRAIN ACTIVITY doesn't ALSO have something to do with the notable gifteness which is also often associated with ADHD.

Something that my OB/GYN said has also fascinated me. He told me how he is also ADHD- and apparently it is COMMON among VERY SUCCESSFULL DOCTORS! (I wish I could remember where I read this--- OH yes I do recall- in the beginning of a new book by the Dr. Hallowell who wrote Driven to Distraction which I forget the name of.)

ANyway... my Doc asked me about DREAMS He said he has a theory about the function of dreaming and thinks that dreams have some really important role. He of course can only pay attention to one patient for about 15 minutes and is off to the next... so I don't exactly know where he was going with starting to tell me of that theory. But I wondered about it since for a long time I DIDN'T remember dreams. Then I did recall alot and it seems I am awakened in a dreaming state more often than not since I have been on my medication. I wonder if the medication in fact CHANGED my sleep, or if I was not RECALLING them before and the medication CHANGED MY RETENTION AND AWARENESS of dreams.

But in any case the area of sleep and dreaming in relation to attention defecit is one I am fascinated by. There will likely always be more questions than answers surrounding this!

Oh- and since I KNOW I have seen CATAPLEXY in both SADIE and WESTELY, along with WESTELY's sleeping at the dinner table occassionally (though not face first in soup! But dozing for a moment) My DAD and Westely's DAD also often doze off and I guess I never thoguht anything of this as they are older. But now that I think of it my DAD did this when younger.

I called my oldest bro to talk to him about this as I recalled his knickname in college was BED HEAD. He told me that's cause he didn't comb his hair but ran out of bed and straight to class. He thought I was reaching and said "I never knew you to fall asleep"

I told him of my symptoms (that I had when young! Talking in sleep, dozing etc) He said he thinks I am looking toward myself and doing too much self analyzing. (And there was the unspoken implication that all my problems are really just a result of WESTELY Of course! "There's nothing wrong with you" IT was frustrating to even try to talk to him about this. (Although he seemed MORE open to the idea once I told him about the fact that narcoleptics go immediately into a dream state and that in my notebooks in college one could read my notes which followed a lecture and then continued to document the details of a dream I was starting to have before the writing got illegible and the pen ran off the page in a scribble)

I asked about my other brother who was a sleep walker who would have those terrible nightmares that he THOUGHT were real! THe hypnogogic state I believe! He would walk around and call out and look like he was awake but he'd be dreaming. I also recall my roommate who died at the wheel when she fell asleep and wonder about her as she too talked in her sleep and at times had those dream like states where she would get up and talk in her sleep. You'd think she was awake if you didn't know better! I wonder if she indeed died of undiagnosed narcolepsy!

And it doesn't seem like this is a disorder which is SO UNCOMMMON!

Yet as my brother was so resistant, I think many people, myself included, just can't SEE THEMSELVES as having what is a nurological disorder one can read about in the DSM IV.

about me - read my profile! read other DiaryLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get your own fun + free diary at!