2006-07-06 - 12:35 p.m.

Youngest awoke so I hadn't time to finish writing that last entry to completion.

Basically he freaked about me using the computer AFTER having been going off about property damage and I asserted my rights.

So he left, but OF COURSE he had to come back.

So Sat morn he was still arguing trying to get me to go back up to NY and threatening that it would be ABANDONMENT if I refuse and he'll divorce me!

HE EXPECTED ME TO CONSENT to go and then to DRIVE THE CAR WITHOUT CAR SEATS UP TO NY! He tells me he has to take his car.

I adamently refused and told him it would be crazy to do that. I told him he had to get a grip. I told him it was nuts HE DROVE without the car seats and the only reason I went was as it seemed better than letting him drive off impetuosly WITH THE GIRLS WITHOUT ME in his erratic impulsive state!

He said his parents had actually ENCOURAGED him to LIE AND JUST DIVORCE ME and that they had told him to make up stuff to do so. He said he wouldn't do that- but that if I refused to go back to NY he would divorce me for abandonment. I told him he should consult with an attorney as I am pretty sure he could do so AFTER ONE YEAR.

BUt that for me to want to stay here FOR THE SUMMER NOW and go back to NY temporarily and then come back here in the long run really is not abandonment!

So he said OK, and made a call (ostensibly to an attny)
Now either the phone REALLY WORKED and then was cut off when I went to use it next, or as I guess he had called to cut it off the day before and he was FAKING the call for my benefit.

I really THOUGHT the later and found it amusing.

HE went out to MOW and I went to the basement to sign on to the computer for one minute only to log out of a server I had remained logged into! (So he couldn't turn it on and see that!)

He came in, saw me and FREAKED at me using that computer he said was off limits! HE grabbed me by both forarms and threw me across the room.

Later that night he also went overboard with discipline AGAIN! This time he freaked when Sadie threw a toy up intending to spin it off the ceiling fan and he hit her in the stomach HARD open handed. HE said a few minutes later "She has a rash there- some allergy"

I had already told him it was ridiculous he was losing it again and being abusive to us AGAIN. He pleaded "PLEASE GO BACK TO NY. I Don't want to be this way"
and admitted he was distrustful of me.

I had spent the afternoon visiting ALL THE NEIGHBORS so they all knew we were there! That night I put the kids to bed and went for a walk ALL NIGHT LONG. THERE WAS NO WAY I WAS STAYING IN THAT HOUSE WITHOUT A PHONE OR ANY WAY TO CONTACT ANYONE! I realized that I had to turn back as the girls were all there in bed!

At one point he also spat at me saying "I hope you burn in hell" NOT SIGN OF GOOD MENTAL HEALTH!

So the long and short of it is that on Sun he went out and bought CAR SEATS and after we talked he seemed to trust me again and I him.

And I went out then to the library and visited a friend.

AND PICKED UP A TRACT PHONE.

And upon arriving home when he was mowing and I had ALL THE GIRLS SAFELY WITH ME

I CALLED 911 again.
This time for domestic violence AGAIN,
and this time FOR THE LAST TIME.

And then I executed my EMERGENCY PLAN which has actually been arranged for about two years now.

IT includes NOT CALLING ANY OF HIS SISTERS OR OBVIOUS FRIENDS HE MAY CONTACT!

And today as I headed out for one related errand and took only one girl with me, for the FIRST TIME EVER the others did not whine and beg to come.

THEY WERE SO HAPPY TO STAY BEHIND.

UNLIKE WHEN BEING LEFT IN HIS CARE.

Two of the girls HAVE ASKED ME if we can stop living with Daddy over the past year. That made me sad but also was eye opening.
When your kids are TELLING YOU THE PARENT that they are afraid of their other parent-- you really HAVE TO LISTEN. (I mean unless its obviously been COACHED or ENCOURAGED which in this case it wasn't!)

In the proceedings I asked and received and Order of Protection and use of the VA house and family car. I did not ask that he not see his kids-- I don't want THAT but that he refrain from ABUSING THEM.
THere is a temporary order ANYWAY that he not see them. I think that best in relation to SADIE as he has threatened to just disappear with her never to be seen again in the past and I think that safeguards that as an initial reaction.

HE was held in jail until this morn when released and he'll be heading to the NY home. I actually objected to bond being posted today and hoped they could wait until after this weekend so my brothers could go for me and get stuff.

He has been so self absorbed that the girls have JUST ENOUGH summer clothing. But he was also so impulsive and impetuous about leaving that SUN that he left without packing all their things and they therefore have NOT had much clothing! We have gotten by and once I had a temp custody and support order I did finally spend some of the last of my cash on shorts and a CLUB for the family car titled in his name. He has also been ordered to turn the phone on again and maintain utilities and car.

Lots of litigation forthcoming.

I am NOT comfortable staying at the house though at this point. I most definately want to make sure it is not totally wired (for his viewing!) and an alarm is on and locks changed etc before I will really be comfortable staying there.

At the hearing today he ended throwing in the irrelevant comment that he would go to NY and have his estate attny transfer title of the VA house to my name.

HE STILL DOESN'T GET IT.

That is IRRELEVANT
And in fact somewhat STUPID as I am not an idiot. I would NEVER settle for that He has to maintain the home for his kids or provide a suitable one HERE SOMEWHERE in this area that we actually HAVE SOME CONNECTIONS as oppossed to FAyetteville where there are none.

WOW it was WONDERFUL to go to story hour at the library and receive COMPLIMENTS ON THE BEHAVIOUR OF THE FOUR GIRLS!!

These of course are the SAME FOUR who act JUST THE SAME as they did in NY! The same type of small moments occur... but HERE they are welcomed and COMFORTABLE.

WHAT A HUGE DIFFERENCE in the comfort of communities for us all!

I just am so SICK of NOT HAVING A PLACE THAT IS MADE TO FEEL LIKE HOME FOR ME. The past few years Westley has taken away that sense of HOME for me in his paranoid self defensive posture of having to feel he is preserving HIMSELF.

But I do FEEL that THIS IS STILL MY HOME and it is where I hope to remain and re-build a HEALTHY family one day.

Whether our home will REMAIN the farm is yet to be seen.
I do know THERE IS NO WAY I AM GOING TO BE STUCK MORTGAGES I CAN NOT SUSTAIN. NO WAY IN HELL I WANT THAT HEADACHE but I will fight for the girls to remain in what is indeed the home they have known with the most CONSISTENCY. AT least whenever we moved we ALWAYS CAME BACK here and ALWAYS INTENDED ON COMING BACK HERE and they know that.

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