2006-07-23 - 3:06 p.m.

I have been rather busy.

The result of the Permanent Protective Order Hearing is that the judge ordered an ORder of Protection based on evidence of family abuse for me and granted me custody of the children for two years. She also granted me the use of the house in VA, and the use of our family vehical the Denali (as Wetley verbally assented to that) as well as the use of my Volvo. That is good to have both vehicals as he has his BMW to use which he fits all the kids in, and I then can drive the one he bought for the family and have the Volvo to use for
A NANNY which I think will be a great idea to persue so we have support in our home to enable both
ME WORKING and
THE KIDS DEVELOPING THEMSELVES through involvement in child centered things like SCHOOL, PRESCHOOL, and extracurriculars they are interested in.

Westely was in fact ordered to provide CHILD SUPPORT to me to provide for the four girls.
I still have to seek work, hopefully a job close by that isn't one requiring me selling my soul to the corportate world that will require travel and more than 40 hrs a week so I can BE HOME FOR THE LITTLE GIRLS!
THe seeking of the best PAYING JOB with my skills was out of that emergency mode of survival thinking I would NEED THAT TO sustain a home here.*AS I expected to have to be prepared to get a new place to live
Now I can maintain our home for at least two years which will give the girls the greatest stability.

Westely is apparently working on himself (so I have been told)
I however don't underestimate the possibility he is in fact seeking what he values most of all- and working on his goal of making himself LOOK GOOD in preparation for divorce.

So I don't really want to hear about what he is doing and thinking as per the PPO my contact and correspondence with or about him is to be limited to discussion of our girls.

He was granted visitation every other weekend from Fri at 6pm to Sun at 6pm.

The irony is that AFTER the hearing I heard him say "See I knew what this was about. I knew what she wanted"

So I think he was very angry about the house (even though at the PRIOR hearing he said some nonsense about "I would like to contact my estate attny to change the title to the house to my wife's name" I was thinking then that he was making no sense and that he missed the point THEN )
I am convinced he STILL misses the whole point. While I am GLAD TO HAVE USE OF THE house for stability of the family, I think the fact of the judge ordering that AND NOT ORDERING WHAT I ACTUALLY ASKED FOR WHICH WAS SUPERVISED VISITATION UNTIL COMPLETION OF A BATTERERS PROGRAM, that the opportunity for Westely and his family to deceive themselves about what this all is about is increased.
They get to BELIEVE it was about STUFF
PROPERY A HOUSE

So I have been moving the stuff back in that I temporarily moved out thinking in the moment that I didn't care if we never set foot in that house again SO LONG AS OUR FAMILY IS FREE OF ABUSE

I had brought back SOME clothes and essentials when we stayed there DURING THE DAY over the past few weeks while staying elsewhere at night (since the phone wasn't on!)

The phone is STILL NOT ON. The outside box where you can check to see if it is working has no dial tone. In the court Westely tried to argue that there has been no phone FOR YEARS. HE tried to claim he never shut it off by showing the VERIZON disconnection notice from years ago. OF COURSE the fact it was a VONAGE VOIP line was not mentioned to him.

I actually filed a criminal complaint of his failure to fulfill the temp PPO as he NEVER TURNED ON THE PHONE. So he has to answer to that which I am sure he is also angry about.
BUT WHAT THE HELL? WHY wouldn't he want to have a reliable way to contact me to know about the kids? Why wouldn't he want me to have a safe way to communicate to the world and keep the girls safe in any emergency?

I was glad that GIANT sells TRAC phone cards as I was able to add minutes to my phone when at the hearing on the 19th Westely did then hand over both checks and GIft CARDS for Giant.

I had also applied for TANF which is temporary support for needy families and was granted food stamp allocation for the weeks we were in family crisis in which he did not provide support.

I had gone to his attny's office to pick up any means of supporting us the afternoon of the temp PPO hearing and was annoyed then the attny hadn't the common sense to have financial means turned over to him to get to me RIGHT AWAY. I was then annoyed that he also didn't have the common sense to MAIL ME any checks that Westley then provided and on the 19th said were mailed by him to his attny! The judge heard that explaination and heard the attny cross examine ME which went like this:

Attny: Didn't I tell you to call me
ME: YEs and I responded that I would call you AFTER he turned on the phone line. HE never turned on the phone line"

The judge then said
I think we can take JUDICIAL NOTICE of the fact that Mr. Blake failed to provide support to his family.

She didn't fall for the cop out that he mailed them to the attny.

So I was granted TANF and a food stamp benefit, however when I got checks on the 19th at the hearing I decided to WAIT TO SEE if I could get access to that money soon enough , and indeed the bank was willing to release money immediately rather than wait a week or more for out of state checks. (I am pretty sure the change in banking laws the past few years made that possible! In the past one would have had to wait.)

So tommorrow I have to go back to social services and will turn over the NOT USED food stamp benefit and tell them I am ineligable as my husband came through and has supported his kids.

It was very interesting to note however that the allocation for food stamps for myself and children would have been SUBSTANTIALLY MORE than the "budget" of $130 a week for grocery shopping that Westely had whittled us down to!

I told him for the past few years that we were living way beyond our means.

I told him that while it was fine to seek the investment property in NY that it didn't have to be another HUGE place.

I told him it wasn't so smart to be so leveraged in real estate and to have to live at the bottom of Maslov's triangle! WHAT FOR???
I just don't get it- why his imbalance of only valuing putting money into real estate and insisting on then BORROWING EVEN MORE when he couldn't afford it to fix that.
He really is obsessed with that.

And in persuing that obsession he let his family have the bare necessities.

And some would argue NOT EVEN THAT as he was not open to acknowledging needs other than basic food and shelter.

He wouldn't acknowledge that HUMANS NEED COMMUNITY, HUMANS NEED INTERACTION WITH OTHERS, AND INDIVIDUALS NEED TO BE ALLOWED TO FOSTER THEIR OWN UNIQUE TALENTS. To do so you really do have to have SOME MEANS of supporting children's interests. It needn't be OUTSIDE OF THE HOME, but if in the home that means YOU HAVE TO ALLOW MATERIALS like CRAYONS and PAINT if they like art, and MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS if they like music etc...

He just thwarted all self expression of not only me but the children, which is what I think is the worst of it all. That was pervasive and sick and I wish he would someday recognize that I wanted to work to be able to actualize the children's self development and get NECESSARY clothes for them that he argued if I spent money on!

I have lots more to do today and then need to pick the girls up from their Aunt's where they are visiting with Westley this weekend.

I didn't have time for painting the dining room to get it out of the chronic unfinished state. So I just removed the plastic and put back the rug and reclaimed it as livable spave without it being a construction zone. The closets of one room need dryewall and painting which I can also honestley do myself one of these weekends.But until I have time I am AT LEAST going to PACK UP all the construction stuff and re-claim it as a LIVABLE space rather than a construction zone.

The girls and I just DESERVE to have a PEACEFUL HOME for a change which is not IN CONSTANT CHAOS from construction or emotional upheaval!

I am looking forward to resuming a normal ROUTINE and some structure for them.
School and activities for them will be a start in resuming normal life so this week I will figure out what to enroll them in.
I will also look into nannys and/or child care and continue to job hunt so we'll see how it all goes in this time which is STILL feeling like in transition due to crisis.

But I am much more at peace now! Its great to be home and not have to WORRY about setting off Westely's obsessions and temper.

STILL NO PHONE TURNED ON! I will call the phone company tommorrow where my in laws CLAIM an acct was started. I doubt it though. If there WAS it strange the phone company did not leave a CARD announcing their attempt to come provide service so I think that is a lot of baloney. If the phone company turned on a line it would be obvious from the OUTSIDE BOX regardless how the inside is set up. They TRIED to act like it is not on because of the "complicated wiring of the network" that Westely set up. WHAT BULLSHIT I know the difference between CAT 5 cable and a phone line (even if my sister in law doesn't) They claim THEY ENTERED THE HOUSE TO SET IT UP
Just another example of how they have no clue of repecting boundaries.

I didn't ask IF THEY ALSO OBSESSIVELY UNPLUG APPLIANCES which was done that leads me to believe it was WESTELY who entered the house and retreived his cell phone in violation of the PPO.

But nonetheless... they just don't get it that THEY ARE NOT TO BE ENTERING without my permission and knowledge!

And they don't get it that the fact of the former phone having been a VOIP one in no way affects the actual land line. THEY ARE DIFFERENT LINES. TOTALLY NOT RELATED!

I told them... its not really that hard I'll figure it out when my in laws were telling me "YOU have to let Westely in to set up the phone"
I told them "I think the phone company knows how to do that job"

HECK I KNOW how to do that internal work.

They totally think I am an idiot and don't realize that in fact WESTELY WANTS TO COME IN to either
a. SET UP some sort of monitoring via his network
or
b. Totally terminate the CAT 5 internet connection as he doesn't want me to be able to access it and for ME TO BE ABLE TO EASILY then reactivate my own service.

He is MOST interested in UNDOING those cables as I KNOW he MOST WANTS TO CONTINUE TO LIMIT MY ABILITY TO COMMUNICATE WITH OTHERS

TOO DAMN BAD.

THat's what local librarys are available for.

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