2006-08-04 - 12:20 p.m.
I haven't yet successfully hooked up my computer at home.
I am grateful for public librarys!
This week I have used the library to find out all sorts of useful information.
On this Friday I am researching MORTGAGES as there are a few things I need to confirm.
I believe I recall that a 2nd mortgage is ONLY offered WHEN THE PROPERTY IS ONE'S PRIMARY HOME
That is significant since there is in fact a 2nd mortgage on our NY home.
So to claim it was an "INVESTMENT" would SO CLEARLY be a LIE if indeed it is true a 2nd mortgage can't be granted for an INVESTMENT property.
The other big thing I am looking at is MORTGAGE CALCULATORS themselves to see if indeed Westley is being HONEST or LYING TO ME about this line that went like this:
" I HAVE TO have the house appraised BEFORE AUG 7th in order to REFINANACE as the loan is due and I am not going to be APPROVED for another if I wait until a child support order goes through"
Hmmmm.... seems suspicious to me that he wants HIS ESTATE AND TAX ATTORNEY PRESENT at the time the appraiser comes and it seems strange to me that he would REQUEST I NOT BE PRESENT
I mean an appraisal is an appraisal.
I would think that a PROFESSIONAL appraiser would have the same assessment REGARDLESS OF REASON FOR THE ASSESSMENT whether it be a refinance for purposes of having greater equity taken out of the house (so one could do something such as hop a plane TO EUROPE with four kids in tow.... just to name one idea I thought he could entertain....)
OR WHETHER IT IS TO SELL THE HOUSE
OR the ALLEGED REASON for the need for assessment as Westley claims that is
to which I responded, "And if you are not approved you then have to sell the NY house, right?"
"Or the 10 acre lot"
and he said "but I don't have the time or money to prepare to sell that. It needs a perk site etc....."
The woe is me story of how I just DON'T UNDERSTAND that he won't financially GAIN by selling the NY HOUSE (which is true as he does owe his parents around $40,000 he borrowed when he insisted to bite off more than he can chew in buying that)
SO I WANT TO TRUST that he is asking me to allow the appriser here NOW in order to truly try to be able to MAINTAIN THE VA HOUSE for the girls and I
But it is REALLY hard to do that when he calls constantly in such a manner as the incessant ringing is harassing and a CLEAR violation of a PPO. I mean "No contact" except to discuss children means he shouldn't be constantly calling.
And he does.
I think of that phone as there for EMERGENCY use to call OUT if needed and for him to talk to the girls.
BUT I REALLY DO DESERVE SOME PEACE IN LIFE NOT ONLY TO NOT LIVE IN FEAR OF HIM BUT ALSO TO BE LEFT WITHOUT HIS CONSTANT INTERRUPTION OF WHATEVER THE GIRLS AND I ARE DOING.
He is really so very needy of attention and acts like he NEEDS me to address his issues. Which is really the farthest thing from the truth. I think HE CAN'T REALLY ADDRESS HIS ISSUES UNTIL HE IS ABLE TO FACE HIMSELF BY HIMSELF
and really learn to LOVE himself and feel OK in his skin as oppossed to having to build himself up by external things.
But that concept is so hard to articulate, and when I made the mistake in listening to him when he did call yesterday and then told him as much he asked, "Like what... characteristics such as honesty?"
I can't ever out and out call him a LIAR because I just don't know what psycological defenses he has. I don't KNOW if he WILLFULLY LIES to protect when he says things like "I never hit any of the kids"
Perhaps he was UNAWARE of doing it? He REALLY seemed genuinely concerned when he saw the RAISED RED SKIN on Sadie and said "Oh- she has a food allergy" and then seemed SURPRISED when he was told
"NOTE it's your hand print. You did that. You hit here there."
But the out and out manipulation is IMPOSSIBLE to justify and that is where the lack of trust comes in.
Since the man said "We might never come back to this house" when we left NY (in his impulsive moment of taking girls WITHOUT CAR SEATS) and then later tried to coerce me to "GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE, GO BACK TO NY" and tried to get me to drive WITHOUT car seats (after just a few weeks of joining that motor club which convienienly offers a bailment policy for members arrested for vehicial motor violations)
Its just REALLY HARD to NOT BELIEVE that I was being set up so he would have GROUNDS OF ABANDONMENT for a DIVORCE.
He seems to have tried to set it up THINKING I would refuse to leave NY without the security of MY CAR (the only thing titled in my name) and MY TARGET JOB.
That didn't work. So then he went on to PLAN B:
Hmm.... WHY WOULD THERE BE A NOTE TO HIM IN HIS MOTHER'S HAND OF A NANNY SERVICE HERE IN LEESBURG????
Unless HE PLANNED ON CUSTODY
AND HOW COULD HE PLAN ON THAT
Finding that note in some of the things he left for me just seems to substantiate that
So now I imagine PLAN C could be:
IT IS TITLED IN HIS NAME
I wonder if his estate attny even KNOWS the truth of the PPO. I would think IF HE KNEW THAT it just might be a professional ETHICS violation to assist one is SELLING the family home where the wife and kids currently live REGARDLESS OF TITLE when there is indeed ANOTHER HOME he owns that he could sell if his finances warrent that.
If the attny doesn't know it yet, I will ensure he is indeed aware of it BEFORE I would even CONSIDER entertaining the notion of TRUSTING that any appraiser is coming to truly refinance rather than sell our VA home.