2006-11-22 - 10:11 a.m.

Katie had conjunctivitis which meant she was home from school both Monday and Tuesday of this week. The youngest and I both were afflicted with this a few weeks ago and I hoped none of the other girls would catch it!

It ended up being a surpise blessing for Katie and I that she caught it as she and I enjoyed a wonderful day together on Monday. She is great company and I loved having the one on one time with her.

Then on Tue I decided to keep her home from school as she awoke with discharge still coming from one of her eyes, and it was still swollen a bit. Fortunately by noon on Tue that eye too had cleared up. I deceided to keep the youngest home with us as well for the day and the three of us had a blast. It was SO DIFFERENT having just two home! When we picked up the other two after their full day, they were ALSO so relaxed and happy! It was such a lovely day as none of the kids were irritable.

I am so pleased to have had the one on one time with three out of the four girls. The eldest and I get to enjoy girl scouts together and then get to go out afterwards so we have special time regularly scheduled.

Raitlin and I have a "date" planned as she has a coupon for a meal at a Mexican restaraunt from her summer reading that we haven't used yet. The meals are SO large that when we went I just used the coupon from two of the girls and I ordered one meal for myself, and for the total of $8.50 we had more food than all five of us could eat! I even skipped the included sundaes that time (as we would have then had only two and those would have been much harder to share!)

So Raitlin and I are going to go out for our time alone soon. We were to go last week but she insisted on holding her coupon in her little purse and refused to let me put it in mine. The pride of redeeming the coupon she earned is VERY important! But of course, Raitlin then misplaced the purse and so I told her we would go another day after finding it. Its been found and this time I am holding on to it. I swear she has the worst luch as whenever she doesn't listen to me she always has a consequence! Typically though its not listening when she is getting too rambunctious and I remind her if she doesn't slow down she'll get hurt! She then inevitably runs into something, trips or some other hyper, clutzy overtired mishap with her unbridled energy and ends up with a bruise or fall. Running into siblings is another common mishap. Yet the thing that is difficult to watch is that no matter how many times she does this, Raitlin doesn't seem to RETAIN the lesson from the consequence and does the same things over and over again!

She has been very well behaved at school though!Yesterday I was waiting to pick her up early and didn't want to interrupt the class activity, so I was waited for a good transition moment to pull her from the class. The teacher was working on teaching a song to be sung at a Christmas pagent they are working on. She asked each child to sing along first. They were all eager to do so! Raitlin was the second child she called on to sing. I heard no answer then the teacher said, "OK, Raitlin, you don't have to sing if you don't want to." and the teacher then moved on to the other kids. When I picked her up, Raitlin said "I didn't get a turn to sing!"

I told her that I had heard the teacher call on her.

Raitlin had apparently been distracted and focused on something else in the moment and hadn't even heard.

It made me feel badly for her and realize that she had felt left out, and I wondered how often that happens to her due to inattention.

Being recently NOT MEDICATED since my health insurance was dropped is for me like suddenly walking around without glasses with really bad vision.

The difference is so startling clear at first, but then one gets used to it and adapts.

Of course in the meantime, while adapting, I have had more than a few close calls driving and think what short sighted vision he who dropped me has. It might seem worth it to him to save a few bucks, but if we all die in a car accident that wouldn't have been the move of a real "visionary". Sadly I thought my husband had a gift of being a trailblazing visionary, but his sight is now only extending to the short term, and to his interest in my view.

But I haven't killed anyone or for that matter ever hit anyone in traffic, so since its a problem of forgetting inanimate objects that are in my blind spot AFTER I get in my PARKED vehical that is my history of driving mishaps, I am not TOO concerned about my safety when driving.

I just think it telling that in the year I was medicated I had NOT ONE mishap, and in the few weeks since it is now out I have indeed hit those damn boulders that Westely insisted he put as demarkers near the edge of our driveway. YEAH they are demarkers alright.... they have demarked the car a few times.

So after a few thousand dollars of new damage to cars in the past month and the perspective that this was TYPICAL and the past year was LOVELY when I didn't have that damage to be repaired, I think that the ADD medication was a success for me!

But such is life... I lived without it for thirty five years. So what if the house is a little messier and I run late a bit more. So what if I forget the boulders so my cars are marred with the "hachetas" as my Dad affectionatly calls it. So what if I forget the name of that french philosopher who termed the phrase for the unique marks of life which only add to the particular character of a thing and become beloved.

ADD is one of my unique characteristics which make me who I am.

I recently received a marvelous letter with a homily from Bro Christian at the Trappist monastary reminding that that which is our greatest flaw, may at times be the cornerstone which our greatest strengths are built upon.

When I read it I thought "Oh- that's why Merton became who he was. Because in his flawed state of abandoning his child and lover and being expelled from Oxford he HID and entered the monastary in shame!"

See had Merton NOT been such a wimpy man of little character at that time, I and many others would never have been inspired by his writings!

His enriched spiritual life sprang forth as a result of his SIN AND SUFFERING, in which he turned to GOD for meaning (as well as the church for refuge and escape from responsibility!)

I did apprechiate that the monk who wrote to me wrote in relation to my asking him to pray for my family as we work through challenges something similar to (I paraphrase from memory now:)
"Sometimes what we are called to do is that which we painfully would rather not do, and it may be challenging and difficult and cause great stuggle, but we are often where God wills us to be"

To that I say Amen and apprechiate the peace and grace that message bestowed upon me! It was nice to receive encouragement that we should not IGNORE our imperfections, but only when we acknowledge and embrace and recognize them and realize we need God in our lives can we then GROW and make this seeming flaws our grestest strength.

Interestingly he included in the list of flaws that can become a strengh " a temper"

I am not sure HOW one would harness that into being a strength- but perhaps in a good way as allowing anger to be a passionate guide while working toward justice. Perhaps the victims who then devote lives to the betterment of others are the ones who have done that. Perhaps Dr. Steven Stosney is an example of one who has gracefully done that. Perhaps Dr. Phil who himself yells at folks on his show things like "You have an anger problem" has done that.

In any case, I did think that I am where I belong. And I needn't feel threatened by the attack of anyone who doubts that.

So I have been embracing the joy of life and taking in all the beauty of the place I live. I had a marvelous time repairing a running toilet, touch up painting where Katie had drawn a picture a few months ago, installing a new faucet and enjoying the process of applying what I have learned by observation and by reading and asking others, and enjoying working on the farm.

One of the most satisfying things the past few days was the unveiling of the marvelous stone wall in the front of our house! It was covered with growth and once it was cut back and ripped out this fantastic wall beautifully emerged in fine shape!

It is SO lovely! I don't know why we didn't do that years ago. I also wonder at what was destroyed when the other side of the property line was CLEARED with large equiptment . It was LOVELY when done, but I wonder if there had been a hidden wall there that we unknowingly destroyed. SO BE IT if there was! This one is being re-discovered and I do enjoy the marvelous view from the other side where there is no growth obstructing the mountains in the distance.

I enjoyed taking some photos yesterday and look forward to figuring out how to post them here. (The library doesn't have an adapter for my memory stick.. but I will eventually figure that out!)

Now off to enjoy a Thanksgiving party with the girls!

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

I have much to be thankful for!

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