2006-11-27 - 11:43 a.m.

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving with all the children and my youngest and oldest brothers who joined us.

Katerina and Soren both REALLY wanted to do some baking. So on Thanksgiving morn, after they arrived, Soren first had use of the kitchen and he made a marvelous Pumpkin Roll! It was this incredible recipie that believe it or not came off of a can of pureed pumpkin that I bought a few years ago and cut off but hadn't tried.

Uncle Mike took a cab from the airport and arrived in time to take over as Soren's helper. We had lots of laughs about the "deadbeat" uncles. The cab driver had told Mike he could take a credit card, but when he arrived he couldn't get his machine to work! So the "deadbeat" uncle had to borrow cash...and the only ones to have it were the kids! That was almost as bad as when I ran out of my budgeted cash when traveling in Sept to get the kids and had to borrow from my EX to get back home! (Due to needing to use the planned gas money for a laundromat, and the fact I REALLY couldn't afford the memorabalia T shirts I got for the kids....I should have known better and had a bit of a buffer but didn't! It was humbling though and I thought apt in a way that I had to ask my EX for help, and here I am not able to pay child support when he has custody!) So the deadbeat jokes abounded! We do have fun laughing at ourselves in my family. As soon as Mike arrived (after hitting up the kids for cab cash) he said to Katerina and Soren "Sit down, There is something I have to tell you. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS UNCLE PAUL"
referring to my brother the workaholic publisher who has been so busy with running his South Carolina venture that when he said he might come in the past few years didn't show up.

So we were all so thrilled when he actually did make it this time. Paul arrived around 3pm and then we had more laughs with the uncles.

Katerina took over the Kitchen in late afternoon and made a marvelous apple pie! We had a great day which ended for the little ones after Thanksgiving dinner, stories and bed.

THEN, we let the older two stay up late, and with their sparkling apple cider and wine for the Uncles we enjoyed a really quiet and relaxing 2nd Thanksgiving dinner around 8:30pm. (We all just snacked as the little girls ate! The girls were happy with the GIANT sweet potato pie from the Turkey we made and enjoyed last week. Its the cheap good food thing- I just can't resist making Turkey repeatedly even before Thanksgiving!)

Its been a long time since I laughed as much and as often as I did this weekend. Just the silly stupid dry humor, or suprise comments that the timing and unexpectedness make so funny that my family loves.

At one point I had Katerina laughing so hard that she lost her hot coco.... it was a classic moment after she read an aupair applicant's comment "I do not like inappropriate language and cursing", to which I immediately responded "OH *^&%!" I hadn't thought the kids had ever heard me curse, so that made it particularlly funny. (Although Katerina corrected me when I asked her about that after she could finally breath again.)

You see I had NEVER been one to EVER curse. It was in fact so OFFENSIVE to me. I prided myself that when I was the Front End Manager at Waldbaums, the guys in the back room would clean up their language when I was around. One of the retired older woman cashiers commented once "WOW! They apologized to you! They have never done that to us" as I walked by the back room crew with a few of the older ladies one day, and the men saw me and modified their language and apologized.

I told her, "That's because from the moment I first heard them being inappropriate I told them I did not feel comfortable with their language and I have also never spoken the way they do."

The ladies had choices of vocabulary THEMSELVES which didn't make one inclined to feel they had to use respectful language or censor oneself around them.

To me it is a matter of respect of the people you are talking with, or about, that makes colloquial cursing so unnecessary.

That being said, I HAVE noticed that when angry I now DO HAVE THESE EXPLETIVES come out at times!

ITs almost shocking to me...

And it makes me realize that it is just SO IMPORTANT to choose carefully who and where we want to spend our time. Being around one who cursed AT ME regularly, made cursing something familiar and all to comfortable.

That is truly sad. My comfort with harsh attacking disrespectful language is a result of having been attacked WITH IT. My comfort at then at times cursing myself if of course also a result of the ANGER I have. I have to recognize that I am in control of how I manage my anger.

So for me, I have to be consious of my language, and actions and choose not to be so changed by my experiences in negative ways- but to try to harness the changes that have made me more open and embrace the positives.

There are positive changes in being open to language without judgement. There are positive changes in me in being able to take in art and pop culture without some of its honesty being too shocking. There are benefits to not being naive. There are benefits in my own creative writing and self expression and personal growth to have an openness rather than shame at some of the raw wounds of my life that will fester if not exposed to air. Airing wounds is often healing.

I just hope salt is not rubbed in.

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