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2007-02-17 - 2:04 p.m.

DARN I just wrote a long entry and hit that add and entry button and lost it!

Anyway... perhaps just as well.

Brief version:

I think my coffee friend doesn't REALLY believe in the concept of "kissing friend" any more than I do!

I get the sense that he found someone who is REALLY available.

So maybe I am lucky and they are only available in the LEGAL and PHYSICAL SENSE but with the new phonomena of the Bridget Jones Age of emotional unavailability!

I sent him a message that now I get to demonstate my patience and temperance as well. Maybe he'll find a great relationship with another, but maybe I'll luck out and his other dates don't pan out and he can be my Mr. Rochester.

So I have to be content with out casual coffee dates.

I REALLY AM SO LUCKY as I OVERSLEPT and AWOKE TO HIS CALL when I was suppossed to meet him and he was even willing to readjust his schedule to take me to lunch instead this week.

Perhaps awaking to his voice on the phone explains why this morning FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER SINCE MY SEPARATION (and in fact the first time in a long time even before that) I awoke in that dream state thinking someone was there next to me in bed to turn to... I thought it was he my friend, and I wanted to turn to him to talk to him about something on my mind I wanted his opinion on....

It was so weird as It seemed so REAL and FAMILIAR and COMFORTABLE and then I fully awoke to the reality I had been dreaming.

And I remembered, "Oh yeah, he had a date last night"

Which I am sure had something to do with his polite comment "I have a cold" when he didn't want to give me even a peck goodby at the end of our lunch date.

That integrity just makes me think all the more highly of him. It makes me surmise he is the kind of guy who is a one woman guy once in a romantic relationship. I wasn't his valentine this year as although when we met we both had that interest and attraction I said NO due to it not being the right time for me.

So I write e-mails I then delete on occassion... I just have to have patience and temperance and self control and be smart and wise and true to my ethics.

And I have to focus and study!

I am getting nervous about the exam. Also a bit worried about this threat to kick me out of the house, but in reality I think I should devote more time and attention to STUDYING than anything else right now.
I am hoping writing has cleared my head to do so.

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