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2007-02-24 - 6:41 a.m.

I awoke this AM with a startling thought at 5am.

I was asleep but must have subcounsiously realized something is more than unusual that really didn't hit before.

Sadie told me that last weekend when with Daddy she saw me and our new au pair at the library. I asked why she didn't come over and say hi. She said she was listening to a story on tape and Daddy was reading a book.

That same Sat afternoon, I had been literally talking with my au pair and we were getting ready to go out to the bank to open an account for her. We also discussed going to the library to get her set up with a card there and for her to use the computer to e-mail photos to her family.

Westely called within minutes of that conversation and asked for Sadie's social security # as he said he was taking her to the bank to open an account. I had to look it up and was rifling through the papers telling him to wait, and he with impatience (like always) blurted out saying "It's *^&% " and said the first few digits and stopped short. I said "That's correct. Did you recall it?"
He said "What are the last four #s"

Now it struck me a little odd at the time. I think what ACTUALLY happened in retrospect is that HE DID know her # and it was some excuse to call and that in his typical impatience he couldn't even WAIT for me to look it up. I think his bluff was called.

But I now realize (only when sleeping and this came to me) that he likely WAS CALLING to indicate he is STILL LISTENING AND AWARE OF MY EVERY MOVE.

Sadie told me they went to "YOUR BANK MOMMY" where she did open an account that SAT afternoon.

I still continued with my agenda that afternoon and shirked off any initial instinct of fear at the weird conincidence of the call.

But weirdest of all was the realization that when I went to the library and tried to use my laptop on their wireless system this THU was that my firewall protected computer was not allowing me to as it was a wide open UNENCRYPTED SITE. There was NO SECURITY on the site I was trying to access, and I got a message it may have been an imposter . I kept getting that warning. A lady asked how wireless worked and I told her it stunk as it seemed the library site had no security whatsoever but was wide open so I couldn't use it. She said that seemed odd, and I said "Unless someone is attempting to hack my now, but not very likely that it really is an imposter site"

I had JOKED about hack attempts. Not really even thinking that a possibility.

UNTIL I AWOKE FROM A DEAD SLEEP IN A START AT 5AM this morn and realized the house that Westely was in (I am not sure he bought it or if his sister perhaps bought it as an investment which is likely) , the house he is in (or at least his car was parked at and Raitlin wanted to show me) IS RIGHT BEHIND THE LIBRARY.

IT is so very strange that it is THE SAME EXACT house that I drove up to and looked at.

I was trying to be open to Westely's verhally suggessting we sell this farm and get two other houses (he suggessted two THERE and I thought "no way so close" but wondered why not consider allowing us to move from here and get two totally new houses for the girls to go back and forth from. Driving through there made it CLEAR to me that the reason to not be willing to do so was that we would all lose the benefits of running the farm which I DO APPRECHIATE and thing the girls also love. I guess Westely DID make me get acclimated to this lifestyle of having that space and land to enjoy outdoors all the time with the girls! I just can't wait for SPRING!!! I looked at the small plots and realized how much I LOVE the farming and so do the girls and how much a part of my life that is. Call me ANTONIA-- I want to remain on the farm with the family and believe we can succeed in doing so!

That cojoined with the lack of trust he would ever REALLY sell this to get two houses - one for him and one for me made me not want to be open to that proposal.

I also knew all along his cry of poor was just crap.

But most of all, now I wonder if it is really such coincidence that he bought the one house I stopped at?

Is the fact it is behind the library and I got an unsecured network there really coincidence?

Likely so... I mean he DID say he was interested in that development, so it wasn't a random thing that I checked it out. It does seem normal that we would both pick the house there that had the greatest privacy and a nice open space behind it.


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