2007-03-31 - 5:19 a.m.

I have conjunctivitis

Bummer

Katie had it last week and I treated her for it with Erythomyacin. I started my treatment this AM but failed to take it with me when I went out tonight.

Its just been full blown ADHD moments the past week.

I got so fed up with it that even though I have only three pills left of my adderall that I couldn't stand it ANY LONGER. SO yesterday as I left I took one of them. Too late to be organized BEFORE leaving though, so the losing of cell phone had already impacted the remainder of the day.

Today I did take my medicine as well as I realized I have to get the soupenas done and there was little hope of focus to do so without the medication assistance. I have been even driving myself crazy with starting one thing then going to the next. I was iorning the little girls Spring dresses I took out of storage this AM, and then I got hungry so went down to make pancakes. I was heating oil on the griddle and ran up to do one thing, so of course had to move the laundry and then of course started iorning more, and then recalled the oil on the stove top...

So I shut OFF the iorn (thank God that our house actually was DESIGNED with a built in iorning board and an outlet with a TIMER so it can be set for 10 or 15 minutes and then AUTOMATICALLY SHUT OFF)

I just realized, that, and the hot tap to resolve my tendency to leave pots of hot water on the stove were adaptations and ACCOMADATIONS that were DESIGNED WITH ME AND MY SEVERE ADHD IN MIND.

I just realized that and the ALARM SYSTEM makes this a particularlly IMPORTANT REASON why I NEED TO REMAIN HOME WITH THE GIRLS.

ITs got aspects to ACCOMODATE ME whether we consiously ever realized and called it such or not.

LEt Westely attack me with his characterization of me being "mentally ill" I acknowledge it to be TRUE insofar as I DO HAVE SEVERE ADHD. That is just ANOTHER REASON why the NUPTIAL would be SO VERY UNCONSIONABLE

WITH ALIMONY AND CONTINUED SUPPORT OF MEDICAL INSURANCE AND THE ACCOMADATIONS OF OUR EXISTING HOME SPECIFICALLY WITH ATTRIBUTES TO HELP ME I AM INDEED A DAMN GOOD MOTHER.

Without those things I really do struggle but am STILL A GOOD MOTHER. BUT not the best I CAN BE.

Tonight I got lost picking up my nanny's friend. Then I got lost taking them to where they were going. Then I got lost finding AU for the play I so longed to see. So I missed it.

I was STARVING and lightheaded and couldn't even think clearly then... out of the ZONE as my bros say. They think we in our family all suffer from a low blood sugar problem which doesn't SHOW UP when tested as hypoglycemia based on that ranges, however that our bodies REACT the same as that at a higher level of sugar which although not testing hypoglycemic is too low for OUR METABOLISMS for some reason. Two of my brothers feel that and so do I. So we all have had the same EXPERIENCE of the SYMPTOMS of low blood sugar but then test OK. The interesting thing is that all three of us had that experience independent of KNOWING that our siblings had the same issues.

Since I had to eat I deceided to go to an Indian restaraunt. It was WONDERFUL.

Afterwards however, I emerged contetely enjoying the lingering sensation of tantalixzing tingling on my tounge and the melding of hot with cooling cucumber.. which is an amazing experience as Indian food is so sensory of an experience for a long time AFTER one eats it. I was totally contented and relaxed, but soon realized that I had no idea where I came from. I had NO CLUE where I parked my car! By this time of night this area of Chinatown was just hopping with young people and their cars.

After seeking the car for well over and hour I stumbled across a HAgen Das shop and a REGAL THEATER. I deceided a movie was JUST WHAT I NEEDED! I figured when I emerged from the movie there would be less cars and fewer people.

I saw PRIDE which was AMAZING.
IT made me cry, and I really needed a healthy cathartic cry.

I was SO GLAD to have gone out ALONE tonight!

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