2007-05-13 - 6:21 p.m.

God this is hard.

I wrote arguments for the appellate brief and was fine

UNTIL I got to the question presented:

Did the trial court err in determining that there was not criterion to issue a protective order?

I am a mess tonight.

It is so hard to read cases on this and to think about the facts of my case in relation to this question.

I thank God my foxy artist friend has been available to be my emotional support today when I called him a blubbering mess.

I never hit that state.

I have hit fear.

Visceral fear.

Today I hit the absolute emotional mess state.

I unfortunately still am there a bit.
Still crying

Its like all the tears I couldn't shed as I had to be strong are just welling up.

And I have a fucking brief to write.

I can't let this out now.

Not now I have a deadline to meet.

FUNNY IT IS NOW 9:39 and I just returned from dinner with Blackford. I got to his place about an hour and a half AFTER typing that as some old dude saw my Buffalo Sweat shirt and oblivious to my emotional state started chatting. He was Ex FBI full of old "war stories" so to speak of how in his hey day he helped take down some mobsters in Buffalo. Interesting I had no clue they had a presence there.

It made me feel better. Heck life could have been worse. At least I didn't marry into the mob!

Time to get back to wrapping up this brief. After a good meal and some lovely gazing at Blackford with longing I am motivated to just finish this damn thing.

I'd love to have some fucking theraputic sex tonight.

Damn I could really use it.

And Blackford is so HEALTHY I see so many signs of that. I feel very validated when with him.

I really look forward to him just holding me for a while most of all to be honest. He's strength and good sense is such a support.

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