2007-07-29 - 11:50 a.m.

I enjoyed a wonderful evening with the kids camping (they all ended up asleep in the house!)

Watching Buffy's wonderful children which she has not had anyone do more than a handful of times. This of course has been a result of the catch 22 that her son is high energy and stubborn and a "spirited" child. As a mother of a few such wonderful children, I told her I would be happy to watch her kids.

So it was with delight that I had wonderful company of the most incredible patient man ever in watching the children, faciliating the camping, and taking the call from Blackford-- whom Buffy is now allowing to take her out -- and when he said he was calling to check on the little ones and asked "No one has drown in the pond?"

I replied "Or in the tears..... tell her they are just fine and she can hear the real story later."

Buffy laughed as she and the amazing man and I all shared a lovely bottle of this wine

http://www.donandsons.com/threeloosescrews/miasplayground/chardonnay/

and she smiled and we knew that her time with Blackford that evening was lovely for her.

I am SO HAPPY that he is a mature and healthy person such that we can remain freinds comfortably. He was hurt when I changed my relationship with him after going on what I thought was the date out of panic to avoid a relationship, and frankly just fell madly in love with this man I unexpectedly met at a time when I was doing everything in my rational power to avoid a relationship.

I WANTED to wait AT LEAST two years.

Of course one can never plan when we will meet the right person.

Love Happens sometimes.

I love the way this amazing man says he feels there are two hands pushing us together that are greater than ourselves.

He is deeply spiritual and special and just so wonderful.

I borrowed his truck yet again.

This time I scaped the whole side of it.

This man is so loving and healthy and secure that he had nothing but supporting loving reassurance that it was OK. I dropped it off and am repairing it before I return it to him and he is so OK with me making decisions on how to handle the things I am responsible for. He said "You know I can fix it"
But he supported me when I wanted to be responsible and accountable for the consequence of my impulsively deciding to help Pocohantas by moving her table from my barn back to her house-- IN THE DARK AT NIGHT.

I just didn't THINK.
All impulse and good intention.

I have learned that when someone asks me to do something for them not to commit unless I can do so.

I have also learned I better do it RIGHT AWAY before I have the chance to forget (BECAUSE I HAVE LEARNED I WILL FORGET ANYTHING THAT ANYONE ASKS ME TO DO, OR ANYTHING I INTEND TO DO as I KNOW MYSELF and I GET SO EASILY DISTRACTED)

So I have LEARNED that I can be more responsible by MAKING LISTS and DOING THINGS IMMEDIATELY RATHER THAN PROCRASTINATING

I am now trying to also learn to know my own limits better.

LIKE when I can't afford the maintenance of a vehical-- DON't BORROW IT.

I was good about this in relation to Westley's BMW I WOULD NEVER EVEN MOVE IT IN THE DRIVEWAY

I need to be as prudent with this wonderful man's truck now.

As I have also learned that I do not want to FINANCIALLY dependent or enabled.

Maybe that is still being too stubborn, but I think I should be very careful to be as independent and self actualized and capable as I can be at this point to avoid making the same mistakes over and over again.

This wonderful man in my life understands and loves this in me- that I am constanly trying to grow. He supports me in that growth in any way he can. He doesn't see it as any lack of love or trust or about him at all. He recognizes that in not accepting his help that at times I am trying to grow and stretch myself.

I am so lucky to have this amazing man in my life.

Once again, life has its turns and twists that we don't all understand.

Once again, I have found understanding and reason are not the paramount values.

Faith and love indeed are stronger than the fear that we ourselves create as a byproduct of our reason.

LOVE WITHOUT FEAR

I am happy to be able to do so and am grateful for the gift of God's grace in my life which is what in the end allow this. It is through God's hand that I feel healing has happened, and thankfully allowed me to move in the directions I believe he is guiding me.

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