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2007-08-03 - 8:11 a.m.


We had a lovely afternoon at a Farmer's Market yesterday. then I brought the little ones to visit with Westely.

Katerina and Soren and I ate, and I helped Blackford review his long overdo VA employment taxes for his nanny. He had deer in headlights syndrome regarding that. We had a blast procrastinating before we even began.

I had not stopped home so missed a message that he had to work late and had tried to cancel our plan of working on the taxes last night. So I had gone to his house and waited.

So it was late when finished and I finally went to sleep.

I had not entered my study, nor noted the fact my computer was turned on until just now-- at 8:04 AM this morn.

There was my AOL opened up with an IDLE messasge

IDLE 1004 minutes.

Doing the math, that indicates that it was between the time I left the house and turned off my computer and locked everything up and 4:00 pm that someone came into the house and looked at my computer and checked my e-mail.

They left the e-mail from my attorney asking what are the grounds for arguing against the incorporation of the nuptial Open on my desktop.

More of the same mental manipulation.

There were a few other stupid things left to indicate presence here in the house when I wasn't home. Typical dumb shit -- like the leaving of Katie's school folder on the counter.

Just the message " I HAVE BEEN HERE"

Nothing new. I just wonder what the point of this really is. It seems like a lot of investment in time and energy for little return on the part of the intruder. It kind of makes me sad for whomever it is that they really have such an obsession that is controlling their life.

They clearly are not free, but are in its stronghold.

Best I can do is pray for him or her - whomever it is , that they be released from this bondage which has so overcome them and been such a driving negative force in his/her life.

Can you just imaging not having your own life and being so caught up in the life of another?? It must be the worst kind of bondage to have such mental torture. Its easy to overcome external forces, but for whomever is this obsessed their demon is in their mind. A scary thing... as it is likely a force no one else can either see or assist in the control of.

Off to court.

As for me it was just wonderful to have a great chat with Blackford and tell him of my new love. Blackford is so healthy and centered that is was so comfortable helping him and then chatting. I really look forward to the marvelous guy I started seeing meeting him someday... down the road... when I am truly free to really date and start a relationship. Both of these men have great maturity and patience so I see them getting along and if all goes well with Blackford and Buffy I could see us all hanging out a year from now.

Lots of time to take things slowly and let them evolve into what potential we have.

I like that about both those men.

It was so comfortable helping Blackford with the one thing I promised him months ago I would help him with. Unlike Art, he did not push my boundaries at all and I didn't have that discomfort of having to set limits.

Art seems to be doing well right now as well though. He seems to have accepted that I can only offer so much in my friendship with him. However I have to be careful to avoid any time ALONE with him as he still pushes those limits. He seems happy though with my role of his "muse" I am comfortable supporting his amazing talent and being a good friend to him . HE truly is gifted and I am honored to be one he has found inspiration from. (Only because I believe in him!)

Pocohantas is doing so well overall. She unfortunately had a car accident yesterday, another gentle reminder to not push personal limits and be reasonable in expectations. She pushed hers and totalled her car yesterday. Good reminder to me to know when to not push my own limits.

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