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2007-08-10 - 11:39 a.m.

Art called this AM as he is getting ready to head out to Colonial Beach to hang his work for an art show tonight. He is in a two man show somewhere there. He said he remembers the last show he had there and he wishes this time I were at his side -- and not across the room being kept at a distance by him.

I recall the moment an older guy asked if I was his girlfriend and he said "NO" but turned and said something else to the guy which resulted in a big grin. I filled in the blank, and knew he said something like "Working on it" Or... "NOt yet"

I guess in that moment I knew he had interest in something other than a friendship and his interest made me happy. I do love spending time with this talented artistic dreamer...

However he is such a dreamer and demonstrates such a lack of boundaries and self control and RESPONSIBILITY that he is just so obviously selfish and immature and frankly I wonder about his mental health. He like Pocahontas appears to have those moments of unbridled energy that are over the top. I thought it was ADHD like me, but perhaps it is more. Pocohantas certainly seems to have down cycles.

Art and Pocohantas both seem so healthy and normal to me at times, but then at times both are just over the top racing... so I do see those manic tendencys in them.

Both are wonderful people yet so dependant on others at this time in their lives and trying to develop independence.

I too am in that same stage of growth- trying to develop independence while providing for my family.

I turned down an offer from my lovely man I am seeing to rent his cottage. NO WAY That would set up yet another relationship of dependency (as it would be rented next to nothing)
He suggested he could give his tenant now in the cottage a room in his house. This wonderful man I am seeing is an air traffic controller for the FAA and a stable healthy marvelous man who has had a fear of committment his whole life. He went through lots of growth and seeking to improve and has a solid foundation of faith which guides his life. HE says this is the first time he fell in love and was not afraid of a committed future together. In the past he has had relationships, and even lived with some partners for a few years but never committed.

He said his biggest mistake was that he walked away from the most amazing woman who had a deep faith and whom he shared a spiritual connection with as he was so afraid. That was 25 years ago. He said after that relationship every other fell short-- until now.

It is incredible to share a deep faith. I think it is somewhat hard to find someone who is so very aligned .

Yet here I have two men in my life guided by faith-- one being ART whom is likely not considered stable by the world's standards, and one who is very successfull.

Yet the irony is that they both act on the same values. They both believe you should do what you love and money will follow. They both are in a sense faith filled dreamers... but for one the dream came to fruition,and for the other the dream is still being actualized and the world sees him as crazy as he believes in his gift , his calling and that he will succeed as God will provide. Its like the irresponsible college kid who flunks as they know their parents are there to fall back on.Its like ART is emotionally a child who lives as he does as he has this security of GOD as his Father to catch him when he falls.


Yet I too would have loved to be at tonight's opening.

He had an opening locally a few weeks ago in which there was a painting he did of me shown. It was apparently turned against the wall as too suggesstive during the art classes being taught during the day! AMAZING!

Art was upset that the curator didn't hand another artists work of an older woman in a nightgown-- and some of the critics said "I can't believe he used that model"
Art said he thought it was beautiful! A painting honoring a beautiful older woman! There is not enough of that in our culture. The eternal seeking of being young as the epitomy of beauty is not healthy.

Yet here, a painting of a woman laying on a blanket FULLY CLOTHED , and a painting of an older woman in a neglige were considered too riske!

Unbelievable that even works of art can not depict certain beauty without some being uncomfortable with it.

Art is hanging his painting of Christ in the show tonight. He called to tell me that it is the first time he is exhibiting his paitings that have a message. HE said he has exhibited his landscapes for years, but that until he met me he did not have the confidence to exhibit the works he creates from the heart with the messages he sees all around. He said "perhaps I am crazy" yet I think he is not. He is just more intuitive, more in touch than many with a very real part of our lives many are not attuned to. He is a deeply spiritual person who sees meaning in things all the time.

I recall a moment when Art and my kids and I enjoyed a picnic and a brilliant rainbow swept forth across the sky. He then pointed up at the clouds and said "Do you see the two doves kissing?"

We all saw that image in the clouds. It was clear.

He said it was a sign.

He said it was a sign we are meant to be soul mates. I agree, but where I disagree is what that will be for us. He is convinced I am the perfect life partner, the perfect mother, the perfect wife. I am convinced that he would be let down by the illusion of perfection which is similar to how Westley put me on a pedastle. That is a unhealthy way to view someone which only allows for the discontent of reality setting in.

Both are big dreamers.
Both are a bit grandiose in their visions. Both exaggeratted their view of me I believe.

I thought when I met Art that he and Westely would get along so well. They are much alike. Art raised his daughter (and he lept into the world of being an artist and left the world of working normal 9-5 jobs only after she was on her own!) and he admits he struggled with being "a bit heavy handed" HE is Italian and shares many of those same cultural norms and expectations. He said he was the traditional guy who wanted the structured home, education being paramount, and expected the house to be clean and orderly and dinner on the table when he walked in at 6pm sharp.

His ex wife has a name similar to mine and when he talks of his marriage that ended nine years ago he attests to what a jerk he was. He talks of how much He has grown since then.

Art even encouraged me to try to talk to Westely when I first met him. He encrouaged me to call him and try to open up communication and see if there was ANY WAY to try to see if Westely perhaps HAD changed or HAD grown or WOULD do the work of therapy etc.

I even did try to do so and called one afternoon, when I was feeling resless and honestly like I would love to have some intimacy in my life. It was before I became involved with anyone else- when on that precipe of considering another relationship. My good friends encouraged me to talk with Westley. I called him and within seconds he was yelling at me on the phone.

I had been considering inviting him over to spend time together WITHOUT THE KIDS to see if there was any hope for us.

Many would have thought that a CRAZY thing to do.

After I was yelled at again, I realized it was a crazy notion.

So Art is a man of character. Even if an imperfect flawed one.

I also believe he is at the brink of being able to support himself as an artist. I hope so. I believe so-- as once he shares his art which is of the messages he sees all around, I think he will touch others.

And if he is a bit crazy? Well then thank God for that-- as that too might just be a gift. If we didn't have grandiose dreamers in the world to say things like "I think I will write a musical"
"I will be President"
"I envision a beautiful building..."

We would never have many of the beautiful creations in this world.

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