2007-11-07 - 6:40 a.m.

A few grace filled moments in the past few days that remind me that I am in good hands with my chief counsel:

The last time I left a hearing I was talking with the fine young attorney about the allegation of finding excessive alcohol bottles in my trash and said

1. Doesn't that say "STALKER" to anyone else? Or is stalking behavior OK in divorce cases and

2. As one who only drinks wine when taken out to dinner, or when someone brings me a bottle to share over conversation and company with friends, I found it incredible that such an allegation was made. I then LAUGHED as I recalled the THREE tiny samplers which were gifts given of coffee liquor from three of the international students to thank me for hosting them this summer. So it was with humor that I was sharing with the young attny my "excessive" liquor bottles that were in my trash!

The moment of grace came when RIGHT AFTER the attny then joked in a great off beat manner as to whether I was going to continue to stalk him as he went to his car (I was walking with him and talking ) and i joked back something about "OH NO sorry I was just walking with you as I know I am parked this way but have to now FIND MY CAR-- its somewhere in this direction"

well I said bye to him, crossed the street and there on the other corner with a HUGE HUG of delight for me

WAS the oldest of the students I hosted this summer!

I'll call him Jose (how creative)
And Jose was abounding with joy and thanks and delight at telling me that he was here remaining studying in the Shenandoah University music program on scholarship. He was excited to tell me he lives in Purcellville. I told him he has my boyfriend George's # and mine and to call either of us IF HE NEEDS ANYTHING and I made it clear-- ANYTHING

ANd he said "Thanks MOm"
IT was so cute how that whole week they called me mom and George "DAD" as the surrogate house parents (I know I fell more in love with George that week as when another host family came down with Chicken Pox he at the last moment was pulled into this project of mine and suddenly was a host DAD for three Venezuelan students and embarked on the week of intensive rehearsal and performance schedules along with my family. It was a marvelous experience for us all!)

Now the next moment of clear GRACE in my life was when yesterday morning getting ready for the day I opened up my clock radio and I KNOW UNEQUIVOKLY that the DAve Wilcock CD was in there. I confirmed it and turned it on to play "Eye of the Hurricane"

Then I entered the shower.

I walked out and heard James Taylor.

I just sang YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND at the top of my lungs (it was a different tune) and I thought of how I HAVE MANY SUPPORTIVE FRIENDS and I thought of being in the hands of God and I thought of ....

OK I then looked up at the clock and saw it was 5 moments AFTER My sitter had been due and had a PTSD thought that this sitter was an evil agent of Westley and was not here as by design and it was all just a sick twisted farce and my relationships were not real.... and I sang "I always thought I would see you again" along with James Taylor as that was the lyric really playing

And then I thought "ITS A DAMN PTSD MOMENT AND I KNOW THAT'S ALL IT IS"

And knew George loves me, and Pocahontas, and Buffy and Blackford and Art and all those amazing "Therapist " group- Rosita and what have I named him (I think I never came up with one) my workaholic, drinking, gambling sex addicted,judge/forensic psych, refereee therapist guy friend (who will be proud he earns the most descriptors next to his name as he's one that collects credentials and badges with honor) , and my neighbor who was so amazing of a support to write me long hand letters when she was busy taping shows at 4:30 in a studio and caring for her daughter, and who would take a call at any time, and my maid of honor (unofficially ) the former family counselor MOM who I confide in, (who loving left a supportive message yesterday that I returned home to)

All the love of these friends and family and the good will and love of neighbors is with me.

So it was with that thought that yesterday I realized it wasn't that I made a mistake and the CD didn't play which I assumed at the first crooning voice of James Taylor:

It was then I realized that the whole CD of James Taylors Greatest Hits was playing.

The CD I bought to give to my support of the wonderful friend who was there for me when my roommate Kathy died in a car accident.

The CD that I kept as I had to when I heard the lyrics of Fire and Rain and mourned her death and then the words of which "Look down upon me Jesus, you got to help me ....I can't see it through another day..."

That gave me strength then.

And it does now.

That CD has been lost for a LONG LONG TIME.

I have had NO idea where it was. I even LOOKED For it.

Now some may not believe these things possible.

But I know the difference between my fears and what i experience, and I ALWAYS HAVE.

I KNOW THAT MOMENT WAS NOTHING SHORT OF THE GRACE OF GOD.

SO with that, I am now thankful that last night Sadie picked out this book for a bedtime story:

http://www.amazon.com/Emma-Mommy-Talk-Marianne-Williamson/dp/0060264640

and I note that it was a gift that my wonderful sister in law loaned me Marianne Williamson's book

Return to Love

which is based on the tenants of UNITY and love as our inner core.

Surrounded by that love, I know I have the best counsel as I walk today and know ultimately HIS will shall be done.

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