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2008-08-31 - 4:09 p.m.

I feel very blessed.

Some marvel that things always seem to work out against the odds.

I marvel and rejoice that they do , but am not really surprised. Although I do get suprised by unexpected blessings in those remarkable small moments WHEN happen.

I do believe that God provides for us when we turn things over to Him.

For those without faith, they don't understand the peace and the very reality of that .

But I am constantly reminded of it.

Even the smallest things I desire miraculously come to be.

That strong belief is one reason I don't yet think that I have no other option but to file bankruptcy. ( I did take advantage of a financial planner thought our work benefits, who advised looking into that possibility. But first I am looking into other part time creative pursuits I hope pan out and generate some income to make up the $900 a month deficit between my income and monthly expenses. I am grateful to have had the experience as a model and have a few leads that might result in paid modeling work: There is alot of compteition in the market for the teenage and twenty something model, but I am thinking not so for the 35 plus model. I hope that and Mary Kay sales can help make up the shortfall so those who did provide legal services get paid. I just don't feel RIGHT About filing bankruptcy for services received. I am grateful those who provided them are being patient.)

Yesterday I was posting some Flicker photos and put one up of a paper poppy flower which my boyfriend bought and handed me when we went to the Memorial Day Motorcycle ride "Rolling Thunder."

As I posted the photo I was thinking of how wonderful it was to ride along Route 66 and apprechiate the beautiful poppys that grow there. I was sure the paper poppies the veterans made to see that day were to remind us of the ones growing along 66 which the ride embarks on.

I thought of Lady Bird Johnson and how lovely her campaign to bring beauty to ALL- to beautify our urban areas, and our highways and bring beautiful apprechiation to our everyday lives was. Her philosophy to paraphrase it was "Art and beautiful aestetic shouldn't only be available to the wealthy, but should be a part of EVERY AMERICAN'S EVERY DAY LIFE"

I thought of the poppy seed I scattered which never bloomed at our old house. I thought "Next Spring I will add poppys to my garden."

Lo and behold, this lovely day those poppy seeds came to me. Less than 24 hours after that very specific wish, a nice lady stopped by to see the girls and I . She came bearing a gift of school supplies.

What's amazing to me is how our small choices affect our lives in ways we least expect. When I started to take the bus to work, I couldn't have guessed I would meet a dynamic inspiring woman who would invite me to come join her single parent Bible study. I met her and was happy for the invitation . I never expected that after going there that church would then ask if they could offer school supplies to help out. I never expected that when one of the ladies today delivered them and said, "There are some gift cards there too" that when I opened them there would be four hundred dollars worth of gift cards. One is for SHEETZ for my gas tank, one for KOHLS which happens to be one of the two stores I have a retail line of credit I rely on to help clothe Katerina and Soren. I have them shop on line there nd have the items shipped to Buffalo. (That is $175 which I hope I can actually put toward an existing bill from last Easter's new dresses and suit purchase. If it can't go to an old bill then school shoes for Sadie can be bought there,a nd the older two can get a few things if they need them. The did just get some things as a nice gift from my boyfriend, so if they are OK with their needs I can wait to use it at Christmas time.)

One gift card is for Wall MArt, where if I can also get the school shoes and some staple groceries and a few more items of clothes for the Sadie and Katie who are in need of some school clothes.

My sweet boyfriend picked up some Clothes off Craig's list and shopped at a few thrift stores and sent the girls four large bags of clothing. Between the clothes Pocahontas has gathered for the girls in her travels, and the hand me downs from my law school friend's daughter , for some reason size 4T and 5T is the most popular hand me down size. There is an abundance of clothes for Raitlin and Alexy.

My co-worker was so sweet in bringing in hand me downs of hers as well as a few of her neighbors. I have a brand new professional designer wardrobe as a result which I am thrilled with. Some of those items are just beautiful and still had the new tags on them! (Thanks to those ladies in Ashburn who apparently just couldn't pass up a Norstrom sale, but ended up never finding the right occasion for the beautiful sweaters they bought. I also was able to send what didn't fit me off to Katerina in Buffalo and I think she or someone else there will make good use of some of these beautiful clothes. There was even one georgous small mens sweater which fit Soren in the mix.

So I feel like we are living abundantly.

I stopped at a Farmer's Market last Sunday after the Lucketts Fair. What I didn't expect was to start crying there as I picked out Kale, and radish and beets and fresh Cantelope and Watermelon. All the lovely vegetables we had grown over the years which the kids and I used to harvest. I am happy the little girls still get to enjoy that with their Dad.

The girls told me they had an abundance of squash that they brought to the school open house for the taking: Those huge record setting zuccinni that grow in that rich loamy soil of their home. I know there wasn't one at the County Fair or the Lucketts Fair that could come close to the size of those in the categorys of LARGEST SQAUSH. (** NOTE THE GIRLS SHOULD REALLY ENTER THE 4-H competitions in future years. They will just be thrilled to win ribbons!)

Last weekend as I stopped at that market, I thought "We have been eating canned vegetables for almost two years. We deserve to eat fresh fruit and vegetables once this summer." (That was before the girls shared with me the story of their recent harvest with their Dad, or I might not have stopped! I didn't know that they were still doing the family farming with him with certitude until the told me they are. I am happy they are still having that wonderful experience with him.)

So last week, It suddenly dawned on me as I drove home that I just stocked up with $40 of fresh produce in a splurge but that the girls wouldn't be with me until the FOLLOWING FRIDAY! That was last Sunday. I prayed it would remain fresh until they returned as I bought it FOR THEM ( not really planning that well in the moment I saw the stand and stopped!)

Thankfully we enjoyed the Cantelope after our hike at Bears Den yesterday. It was cool and refreshing and somehow survived the week. I had brought half to work and worked on it all week long along with the wonderful peaches.

For lunch today the girls really enjoyed rasish butter sandwiches which I remember Katerina fondly eating as she pretended to be Marie Curie.

Marvelously, the produce was all so fresh that none of it has turned. We have potatos and onions and leek with which I can simmer into potaoe soup one day. We have marvelous Tomatos and fresh basil I will bake into the Poet's wonderful Tomatoe Pie recipie. I am going to plant some of the basil in my garden along with the flowing lavender russian Sage which seems to being doing well there. I felt guilty splurging and spending money on the sage and some pretty peonies and white mums which I planted in our flower bed out front. But now I am glad I did so as it is so lovely-- and ALL DESERVE BEAUTY.

The arrival of the poppy seeds just reinforces that I shouldn't have felt guilt at doing that bit of gardening in my yard. I shouldn't worry at having spent that little bit of money for that enjoyment rather than paying off a bill with it. Somehow I know I will be able to work off that debt and provide a beautiful life of abundance for my family. Somehow is with the marvelous grace of God and wonderful people all around just helping to provide-- when I least expect it, and also for those small things like poppy seeds I do wish for which come in beautiful moments of love from others I haven't sought out but which was offered.

I am making the Kale with bacon for dinner tonight to accompany the ribs and pork I bought which is simmering in the crock pot.

It will be ready when we return from running the errand of seeing if I can pay that bill and purchasing new school shoes for Sadie.

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