2009-06-21 - 10:38 p.m.
It felt good to get the house in order tonight by the time the girls were in bed. They enjoyed their Father's Day with Dad, and then came home and were at first resistant, but then cooperative in cleaning up the toys they had taken out that were ALL OVER the basement, and straightening bedrooms.
Great improvement over LAST night, when Katie had decided to slap me on the left shoulder, kick repeatedly in both knees and tried to spit a big old hock of phlegm in my face. Fortunately it was blocked by my hand in the nick of time! The most distressing thing about her behavior however was her screaming
"I HATE YOU"
I responded as always, "On the contrary I married Daddy because I loved him"
to which she replied
I told her I thought it was very sad that she had those feelings and thoughts but that I loved her very much and knew that she was overtired and needed to get sleep so she would feel better in the morning.
She eventually did calm down in her bed and fell asleep.
Today it was hard for me to have much enthusiasm and energy in the morning. I was happy for the mowing to do as that is a gratifying chore where the results are immediate. The cleaning of the house was more daunting as it was in need of major overhaul of putting toys back, laundry away, laundry done, dishes, scrubbing of the sticky floor where Alexy made juice all by herself.
My energy was restored after I went to church and prayed for all fathers on this Father's Day who teach their children to Hate their Mother's. I prayed for their healing and redemption and that they leave a legacy of forgiveness and love for their children rather than hatred and violence.
I left a man who was violent with me, and now I have children who are violent with me as they witnessed that and its a long slow process of deprogramming that message which seems dominant to them that it is SAFER to continue to do things HIS WAY out of FEAR. Its hard to learn the lesson that LOVE is STRONGER and more STEADFAST than fear. One day however I am hopeful we will ALL LEARN THAT and LIVE IT.
What was interesting is that tonight Alexy told me that a criticism she has heard made of me by her Father is that I did not grow us being spanked! She told me "I am going to raise kids the way DADDY says to. I am going to spank them"
What I told her in response was, "I think you are getting the wrong message. I think the message he is trying to convey is to RESPECT authority and LISTEN to the adults in charge. I think spanking is a method he uses to hope to teach you to respect him."
She said "NO HE Says kids SHOULD be SPANKED"
She was VERY CLEAR that the message is that Adults should spank kids when raising them.
I also told her that it is true I wasn't spanked, and I wasn't yelled at, and I grew up in a home where neither me nor my brothers EVER hit each other or yelled at each other. We grew up in a home where no one, adults or children ever CURSED or raised their voice or their hands in anger. We grew up in a PEACEFUL , CALM And HAPPY HOME, and that is in fact what I hope we can someday attain here in OUR HOME ALL THE TIME, not just MOST OF THE TIME but I am sure that someday we can do so ALL THE TIME.
In what I thought was a hilarious answer, she said WE COULD if we didn't have _______ (and named one sister!) I reminded her that she too had moments of being violent and that if she could learn how to respond differenty when upset that might make a change in her sisters too. She was thoughtful about that.
Going to Church tonight really was rejuvinating. Afterwards I picked up the girls with a renewed spirit and the renewed energy to tackle the remaining indoor chores.
Its 11:00 pm and the house is ALMOST in order . I am at the stage of it being orderly MUCH OF THE TIME. I think I will soon hit the MOST Of the time Straightened and clean status. I am confident that ONE DAY I will hit that ALL OF THE TIME CLEAN AND ORGANIZED STATUS (although that expectation is a realistic goal of one to meet in FOURTEEN YEARS!)
Off to bed! The laundry is washed, bedrooms, basement, dishes, counters and floors cleaned so folding will wait yet another day!