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2009-12-27 - 9:44 a.m.

I received a lovely gift of a Dharma doll for Christmas:

I believe it is one of the loveliest Christmas gifts ever! I am going to paint one eye and really commit to my goal of the PROJECT I have talked of-It's time to stop WRITING ABOUT the creative process of writing, and writing poems and stories and the occasional freelance article,which are all just really my attempts at having created smaller more manageable GOALS as a writer in AVOIDANCE of the larger project. One can't be a novelist until one writes their novel.I am MUCH too verbose to be a short story writer and even my short stories turn into novellas! So its time to really start that project with dedication and commitment.

I was inspired by this blog years ago when I delightfully read of the pilgrimage to the Smithsonian with an offering of a stick of butter:

So being the sort of pop culture illiterate (yet knowledgeable about QURIKY literary things before others, person I am)... I was just THRILLED when Katerina mentioned going to the film Julie and Julia some months ago.

I commented "It was made into a MOVIE? Was it made into a Book?"

I visited the blog, but it must have been one of those bookmarked ones that got lost in the computer shuffle which I then never RE-VISITED.

So it was like discovering an old friend had been successful when I only now learned of the grand success of that blogger!

I found her final blog entry to be incredibly inspiring.I hope you follow the link and read it.

And like me, if you feel guilty renting the move for $1.00 in Redbox, follow the link to support the writer Julie who brought us all such joy in her creating.

Over the weekend Soren and I found a link with his aunt in it which was fun and moving for me. It reminds me of the reasons I WAS NOT a writer full time from the get go. I have been practical in knowing I need to be able to support my family, and I wanted a family. (Same reason I put my camera down and stopped entering the darkroom when I was first pregnant... for me I was terrified of being engulfed in my art and not able to balance the other areas of life.)

At this point I feel secure enough in my success in those other areas and know I could now write for one hour a day and STILL maintain all the other responsibilities. I also understand just how FRAGILE any real stability really is, so one can not WAIT for the moment they truly feel secure to follow their dreams of one will never achieve their dreams! I also realize that there are some who WILL continue to attack and I think the MORE successful one becomes, the more others who are jealous, or who are not happy, or who want what another has but they can't grasp, will attack.

I think the following is fascinating. We were proud of our loved on who did walk on the line:

I feel like I walk a line every day. Not the same one, but my own line of balancing it all. I walk the fine line every day to maintain that balance.

Adding a little more to my responsibilities might in a way ironically be freeing and lighten the load and make it even easier to continue to walk my line ( I HOPE!).

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