2010-02-19 - 8:53 a.m.
BAR EXAM JULY 2010
That will be the one I pass!
Thankful for the friends who ask "When are you taking the BAR?"
I heard it again.
I have a Pro Bono Project I am very excited about working at an Immigration Center assisting with U Visa applications for immigrant women who are here and victims of domestic violence.
I had a great chat with an attorney who acknowledged that as he said "NO ONE really knows the Federal Rules of Evidence. I look it up EVERY TIME"
He also was not at all ashamed to look up the VA Misdemeanor info on the charge of Tardiness for school right in front of me.
It was GREAT.
He was fabulous and I am glad I felt supported and not scoffed at.
Even thought he TOO turned down my current case of custody battle. He said the same thing I have heard over and over, "You need $20,000 up front as this guy is bringing expert witnesses and the only way to have a fighting chance is to counter with the same."
REAL EXPERTS that would be, not one of the many friends who do this as a profession who would LOVE TO HELP ME. Kills me that I have more that a few forensic pych FRIENDS in my world who ARE PROFESSIONALS and WHO DON'T LIVE HERE who would LOVE to help me as a FRIEND yet that alone (being a friend) makes their expertise and experience in the field something they can not offer me!
And they too, like MANY BRILLIANT PROFESSIONALLY SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE are not perfect. But no one wants to ADMIT they could continue to RESPECT and VALUE and RECOGNIZE THE GOOD WORK OF ONE ONCE THEY KNOW THEY HAVE THE WHAT I THINK ARE NOW TRULY NORMATIVE ISSUES WITH MENTAL ILLNESS
Seriously, I think the reality is that SO MANY people have some issue or another. But we are not at the juncture where acknowledgment of such is accepted and people can look at you the same.
My VB was supportive in a needed phone call and the encouragement.
I joked at this point that it might take some Dramatic "REhabilitation" of my tardiness in order to prove that the allegations of events in Oct-Dec have been rectified.
The VB Marine isn't enough of an intimidation factor to have my EX leave me alone.
Hey SAD that there is that dominant philosophy that Fight those who use Power and Authority and FEAR BASED intimidation with the same.
So I joked : here's a proposition-
Gave me a laugh anyway...
Not cause the thought of him as a husband is funny in any way, but the thought of him actually CHOOSING To give up the freedom of his lifestyle and the thought of him actually making such a commitment is in a way an oxymoron. (Not that he NEVER will... but the odds of that seem a bit slim.)
Now of course that is likely precisely WHY I value this friendship. I couldn't imagine a man who WANTED to "FIX" me. I couldn't even have a discussion with any man who wanted to be my saviour.
So the humor of my joke runs deep... kinda like the joke I have with another friend who is trying HARD to break that PATTERN of trying to save women. *Yet if I call when in a down mood at ANY TIME and say "HEy save me ? I need some support? " He laughs and will say "Come on over" or "I'll be right there."
I can call and ask for help and we both KNOW that man loves to help needy women! SO TRUE And I try SO HARD TO NOT BE NEEDY BUT FIERCELY INDEPENDENT!
So we joke.
So good to have friends that can be honest and supportive and know their own limitations!
I love humor in keeping perspective in life.
Seriously though, it is a bit ridiculous that one can lose custody over lateness.
But from what I hear, it is apparently not AT ALL out of the realm of possibly here in VA.
And not likely that I can really call in the Marine to the rescue, or anyone else.
This issue of lateness is so clearly mine to fix.
And in my stubbornness one attorney DID ADVISE that I could resolve that as a current issue by just having my nanny work mornings.
I COULD DO THAT.
That would be however a SHORT TERM FIX.
And I am SO HESITANT to do that which would make things look BETTER to the rest of the world but in reality just then make working on the girls real issue of learning to respect me put on the back burner.
I have a hard time doing that, especially after what I see in the past two years is AMAZING PROGRESS AND GROWTH and I see the girls having worked thorough SO MUCH while WITH ME IN A HEALTHY WAY.
I mean they have had a lot to process and deal with.
I think their same behaviors that are being highlighted as evidence of limitations on my part can so clearly be viewed as the TYPICAL behaviors of ANY CHILD who LEFT an abusive situation and has a NEED to test the stability and love of the current one they are in.
SO I fundamentally KNOW I HAVE TO DO WHAT IS BEST FOR THE GIRLS.
And I INTUITIVELY FEEL like that STILL is keeping our morning routing WHICH IS SO GOOD AND WORKING (but for a FEW kinks here and there) THE SAME.
I don't want to mess up their stability and happiness.
So its HARDER in the short term, and I still think it is the right thing to do for the girls as I believe the MOST important need they have which requires being Met IS To LEARN TO RESPECT THEIR MOTHER.
Lets hope in the end I am NOT wrong about that judgement that at this time I STILL Think it BEST to NOT have my trouble of lateness to school resolved with the BAND AID of Pocohontas (Super Nanny!) which would then leave the real wounds underlying festering and untreated.
I WILL DO IT.
I have NO CHOICE BUT TO RISE TO THE OCCASION AND BOTH BE ON TIME
AND PASS THAT DAMN BAR EXAM!!