2010-04-27 - 8:46 a.m.

"This is an automatic email reminder of the upcoming 1st Quarter 2010 Virginia Employment Commission Unemployment filing deadline.http://www.tax.virginia.gov/business"

Don't be fooled, this is NOT a helpful site. Paying on line resulted in my paying twice to STILL have a judgment lein filed with a 70 fine for a 40 dollar tax for TWO quarters. Finally $180 PAPER check was accounted for...but either there is a serious problem with this site or I am now being hacked at the END USER end.... but who really CARES to put money into forensics for a mom of kids who might just be having a crazy PTSD moment?
Even if there are problems with her tax returns EVERYWHERE Last year the Fed one printed SCRAMBLED (like most important documents on my home printer. It only happens when something is important)

I did succeed in printing my taxes and finishing them on the program that froze on my machine at the public library, and yes at work. I VEHEMENTLY FOLLOW OUR CORPORATE COMPUTER USE POLICY but alas DID access the IRS site out of that necessity! * I doubt the IRS will hack us. Nonetheless, being so paranoid I will NOT DO SO AGAIN... just to avoid a FAKE IRS SITE
AND I NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER

is that clear enough yet...
EVER EVER EVER EVER

Will let down my guard and be so naive as to log into work from my home!!!!

It is a weird thing to look around and be upset by the vulnerabilities I see.

Yet once one has been hacked one does become hypervilalent.

Damn I would run the forensic analysis MYSELF as I seriously have printed and studied the damn code to do it... but I get to my limit of self preservation and am just TOO DAMN TIRED to stay up all night doing it on the occassion I think it has just happened.

I COULD do so. That might be enough of a warning for it to stop. I have the personal resources should I REALLY want to feed into the control of a hacker and let it disrupt my life.

I think to do so, to continue to respond is to live in fear. WHICH I REFUSE TO DO.

I REFUSE TO CONTINUE TO BE CONTROLLED.

So I have let go of really caring if there is complete transparency to the hacker and have decided therefore it best to WILLFULLY MAINTAIN COMPLETE TRANSPARENCY HERE TO THOSE I DO LOVE.

Makes sense to me!

I think it the most proactive protection there is for me and my children.

The sad part is that I think in the litigation process there is a gross misundrestanding of the chilling affect of people being WILLING TO COME FORWARD and be INVOLVED when there is someone they REALLY DEEM DANGEROUS.

I am not talking here about a volitlie temperment. I am talking about one with the capacity and actual past history of VIOLENCE.

Only then do I think you have grown men who are strong contrustion workers utter "I AM SCARED OF HIM HE IS CRAZY"
and sitters who quit out of fear (two did) and people who call the police for safety (like the day care center did and my nanny before dropping bookbags off at his house) EVEN WHEN I AM NOT AROUND.

I have had people close to me say THEY WANT TO SEEK A PROTECTIVE ORDER after he has yelled and been erratic to them.

I asked they don't as they haven't been PHYSICALLY THREATENED WITH HARM and if they do it will JUST be looked at as another reason to invalidate my seeking help at the violence as then it will be said that in MY EXPERIENCE I TOO was afraid of only a temperament and a "bark" with further belief there is no bite that followed.

Once bitten, twice shy
Twice bitten, learn to hide
Thrice bitten, terrified

Further bitten
six feet under
And yet
There still is wonder
That it possible one could EVER BITE

Evidence is seen as lies
Until what's left of the woman or child
returns to the dirt and sky

Some think it odd to be so transparent - but I think it necessary.

NO Facebook and journals and twitter are not for your every thought, but for those who left an abuser and still feel threatened and controlled when the REST of our current systems think the victim is crazy, it might be a life line. I HOPE IT IS NEVER THE OTHER USEFUL THING which would be Evidence.

Say a prayer the world wakes up to the fact women are not likely to make this stuff up and put themselves out there for the world to THINK they are crazy just out of the blue....

Come on...

Its survival instinct.
That doesn't kick in unless necessary.

And now I think I have moved through the stage of grief. For a long time I was in the denial stage. Longer than most.

I am stubborn and slow to accept and move on I suppose.
Then I skipped the anger phase and moved to acceptance and the trying to move on...

But I think I NEED to more fully work through that. One doesn't work through something until it is SAFE TO DO SO.

OR UNTIL IT IS A MATTER OF SURVIVAL.
I feel at this juncture I have little choice as there is nothing else LEFT to do but EMBRACE THIS ANGER AND RELEASE IT AND CONTINUE TO COMMUNICATE.

And hope someone wakes up and starts to listen that has some motivation to do something about this broken system we are in.

We need to get beyond courts seeing the world as BLACK AND WHITE and one person being CREDIBLE and the other then necessarily a LIAR.

It is a flawed paradigm that leaves a HUGE RISK EVEN FROM THE ABSOLUTE BEST PROFESSIONALS which I BELIEVE THE LAW GUARDIAN AND THE JUDGES IN MY CASE MAY IN FACT BE...
EVEN THE BEST are not fallible.

But in their human imperfection, if the one time they make a mistake is when there is such severe abuse that anyone aware of it is AFRAID to speak up which leaves the victum tarred and feathered by our system for HER impefections which are due to the scars of ABUSE...EVEN WHEN DIAGNOSED WITH PTSD

WELL then that is just a travesty that HAS TO BE FIXED.

WE HAVE TO DO BETTER THAN THIS AS A SOCIETY.

Two narcissistic fathers just KILLED THEIR CHILDREN. I think it was in Colorodo. This is what is happening all over with the new trend of shared custody with an abuser. FATALITIES.

But no one can wrap their mind around that as a possibility and therefore continue to place kids in harm's way.

YET IS IS SEEN AS LESS OF A RISK to leave kids with a mother who runs late?

GOOD LORD EVEN IF I WERE 10 minutes LATE TO EVERYTHING

WOULD THAT WARRANT STRIPPING MY PARENTAL RIGHTS?

Considering there IS A PAST HISTORY of DOCUMENTED FAMILY VIOLENCE... three magistrates deemed my husband A DANGER a BIG RISK TO ME AND MY CHILDREN yet the burden of evidence must be distincly different in our magistrate offices, in our Immigration Courts, in our Domestic Family LAW COURTS

That was set up FOR A REASON as it IS RECOGNIZED THAT until a woman IS six feet under the burden of EVIDENCE of the FRE will not be met in MOST cases.

Therefore we TRIED to set up venues for justice.

But when FORUM SHOPPING CAN BE ACHIEVED,

and I haven't forgotten that MY OWN FORMER ATTORNEY- who I seriously respect and admire and TRUST, was COMPLICIT in that

EVEN with her 20 years experience and devoting HER LIFE WORK to the advocacy of woman for whom she has WON AWARDS,

EVEN SHE COULD BE MANIPULATED

She filed the motion to move my case OUT of the domestic court to circuit

When that can happen in this day and age and then the circuit court system can be SO UNFAIR and UNPROTECTING and UNWISE regarding issues of safety of women and children, we STILL HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO TO FIX A BROKEN SYSTEM.

Off to work. I am glad we have a training this AM. I will quickly get focused and absorbed and ENJOY THAT.

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