2010-06-15 - 9:58 p.m.

Damn.

Found my missing driver's license.

The fact I found it in MY WORK COMPUTER BAG is NOT reassuring however.

I NEVER take my computer home from work.

However lately I determined that I was just being PARANOID in my fear of logging in to work from home. I was reassured by a few folks that it should be secure to do so as there are security features on our system of course.

So tonight, really out of feeling bad at not having something done by 5pm that is due today (even though I was only assigned it today)
I WANTED to remote in an complete the task.

Not very realistic for me to work from home when the kids are here! So needed to get them in bed first (as nanny off duty and not here.)

So it was distressing to hope to do this and then find that missing liscense which I KNOW I DID NOT PUT THERE.

Furthermore, I KNOW that I HAVE NOT BROUGHT THAT COMPUTER BAG OUT OF THE OFFICE except the ONE TIME that I took it from work, to the airport in Buffalo, and to my good friend's apartment where I crash when in that city.

That was THE ONLY Time I took the computer and bag out of the office EVER.

I worked remotely then , from the safety of his apartment, knowing I wouldn't be hacked there.

However the notion of working from home tonight and the next few days as my ankle which is swollen from a fall an a sprain was just shot down.

I do not feel comfortable doing so, with good reason.

DARN.

I mean what the hell is the point?

Am I REALLY being violated , not only at home but at END USERS?

Is it conincidence that my VA EMPLOYMENT TAXES that I PAID were not recorded and then a lien was filed in Loudoun County Court for NON PAYMENT OF TAXES; and NOW there is difficulty in getting a copy of my Filed 2010 IRS TAXES, and the one time I am told I NEED a copy of my driver's liscence to fulfill a loan requirment IT DISAPPEARS and then shows up in a location I KNOW I DID NOT PLACE IT??

I mean I thought FOR SURE the girls got into my wallet (Alexy HAD done so) and so I explained the missing liscense away THAT WAY.

But the finding of it in my work computer bag is yet another INTENTIONAL thing that I am sure was done in the HOPE that I tell people and

SOME THINK ME CRAZY.

I AM NOT CRAZY

I am STILL BEING PYCOLOGICALLY ATTACKED BY MY ABUSER.

The thing is one gets so desensitized to this after such a long time of undergoing it, which I am SURE is ALSO NOT HEALTHY.

In any case: GOOD NEWS is that my LISCENSE WAS FOUND WHOOO HOOO!!

Good news is that tonight I did hobble around and the ankle DID feel better. I think I was just exhausted today as the shift of weight being carried on the other foot and side, and arms, is tiring.

Other than that my spirits are good.

I am going to bed to get a good night sleep.

Tomorrow is another day. I will accomplish the completion of work assignments and getting documentation of my TAXES over to the loan underwriters then. It will be fine.

I HAVE SOME Documentation. Although it was a corrupt file I DO have printed one I can fax of the PAYMENT to the IRS.

I hope that is enough; and strangely I am RATHER SURE THAT IT WILL BE.

Because I firmly believe this is in the end in God's hands and that no matter how one trys to thwart my success and growth and achievement and my enjoyment of life- I DO NOT BELIEVE that is POSSIBLE.

I am going to bed, and dreaming of a morning swim before work !

In fact Friday I should be able to do that in my NEW POOL!!!

With a sore foot, a swim will STILL be exercise I can do! I will be fine once I GET there.
The water might be healing and relazing and the best thing for a sprain!

I know it will be GREAT for my peace of mind.

That will be my celebratory moment once I secure my new home.

I WILL CELEBRATE
as despite all the challenges, I am SURE I will succeed in creation of my peacful happy home for myself and my children.

It is a process...

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