2010-06-20 - 6:43 p.m.

Dilemma resolved of what to do with the remaining stuff from my Ex Boyfriend that is still here. I had deleted his # from my phone, as well as deleted all his old e-mails and tossed out in the trash the "Forever Girl"; "I love you so much" and "I want to grow old with you cards" and the attestations that

"I never dreamed of meeting someone like you, and your reality makes all my dreams pale in comparison..." etc ... etc...

Oh yes he was a poet.
And I do so love poetry.

He really was a great writer.

Not so sure about the integrity of the actual MEANING behind all of those words he wove.

Maybe they were REALLY heartfelt at once.
I think they were.
At Age 52, ready to retire as he could, I think he was attracted to me looking ironically for me to SAVE HIM!

Interesting.. but I think it true. He had a fear of alcoholism which is something his father suffered from, and he in his younger days had issues with- so he was a self professed alcoholic; yet interestingly when we dated all those two years, while he was not dry he never drank more than a couple of glasses of wine with dinner and the occasional (VERY OCCASSIONAL) mixed drink. A couple of beers on a Friday night and he was asleep, and a few on a Saturday afternoon, so his alcohol consumption was certainly not problematic.

However his FEAR of it WAS.

I think it was his FEAR of re-playing his Father's destiny that had a stronghold on him that he was so trying to break free of, but failed at that juncture of last year.

He did have openness to Fatherhood. He was excited about the prospect. He brought me ring shopping at one point and was seriously considering marrying and settling and helping me raise the children.

He was good to all of us.

The kids really did love him and the break up was hard on them as well as me.

Life goes on.

And I was in a way happy to be single again.

As I really did NOT WANT to CONSIDER marriage for SOME TIME.

I wanted to establish MY HOME MYSELF FIRST

and the nice thing was he respected that.

So at this juncture it was the dilemma of whether if he WANTED what he left he would have missed it and contacted me to get it.

However I did ream him out for even trying to call and be friendly when he did so. That however was something like two or three months after the end of the relationship.

I thought he was off his rocker to think someone could forgive and forget and have friendly chit chat after that short time.

I also thought he was possibly regreting his decision but to fearful to say so, and I was not very understanding or patient and kinda went off in anger at his wimpiness.

And said "DO NOT CALL AGAIN. If you do want to try to be friends with an Ex I think you need to wait A WHOLE YEAR BEFORE EVEN CONSIDERING TRYING."

I thought the dilemma was resolved as I didn't have his # or e-mail.

But in cleaning out paperwork and hitting the shredder which is an awesome efficient task to do on this VERY HOT DAY rather than move stuff, I came across the phone #. Left a message.

Dilemma solved once more.

I made effort even thought I REALLY HAD NO DESIRE TO DO SO, because I think that was the right thing to do.

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