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2011-11-06 - 3:38 p.m.

Almost 4pm and I awoke from the Sunday Narcoleptic Nap.

Its a bit disappointing to have slept much of the day away. Yesterday was a lovely, beautiful Fall day which I spent gardening taking care of my yard as thankfully I was NOT throw into jail (at least not yet.)

It feels a bit demoralizing to have had plans for a productive day and then miday hit that sleep spell.

I have said I just have to take that medicine for Narcolepsy on weekends before.

Trouble is that I still struggle with TRUSTING that is the BEST thing for my body and phycial and mental heath. I just don't know.

I take the stimulant Mon through Fri so I can funtion and not doze off, but then I figure the extra needed sleep is clearly NEEDED or I would not be ABLE to sleep. So I am in the routine of the 13 to 15 hours Sunday night sleep.

Saturdays I am always physically active and FINE. If I get up for a run SUN morning I am likewise fine as I think the endorphines from exercise are as good as any medicine.

But I went to bed relatively early and work up shocked it was 10:00 AM. With the FALL BACK that meant I slept and EXTRA hour so I then assumed I got so much sleep I WOULD NOT be possibly tired!

And I was FINE - until 1:30 when I dropped off.

Go up and dressed, and then had three full hours of productivity today in which I ATE, took time e-mailing and looking at family facebook photos. Productive RELAXATION of then eating the mavelous apple pie as "brunch" this AM. I intended on going to church but once again my car keys (in fact this time my purse, along with cell phone as well "mysteriously" disappeared.)

The disappearing keys is chronic and frustrating. Don't stress as I can always take the bus, and then work remote as needed and have figured out to never stress as
1. They will be found OR
2. Locks are not hard to change if not found.

LIFE with ADHD. Serenity to Accept those things you cannot change and change those you can.

So I change locks as have accepted it not realistic to set the expectation on myself that with even the best organizational system I will suddenly NOT BE ADHD and NEVER AGAIN LOSE MY KEYS.

So back ups, redundancy, support and the bus system and keys being re-cut and/or locks being replaced work for me.

Might have to go visit my friendly neighborhood locksmith again. He's a good dude so don't mind. It gives me peace of mind and one less thing to ever be paranoid about so this might be a blessing as its the catalyst to get that done and its been on my TO DO list for far too long anyway.

OK, writing got my brain flowing so I am ready to work at the on line class I planned on working ALL DAY on ( with exception of church and laundry folding.) Its preparation for the national contract management certification test which seems like a good idea since my company pays for the class for the most part with only a few hundred dollar co-pay from me.

Yes I decided to take a class and pay a co-pay rather than the attorneys in Oct. That was the date of the defferred payment. Smart really as if I get the certification I am in a better position for job hunting that if I don't get it and happen to ever get laid off and need a job! Work will not cover cost of BAR EXAM prep but they will cover this as it is directly related to improvment of skills in my own current job which is a primary reason to take it. Secondary is that the certification is a wise credential to have if needed in future.

I have to say the course I am taking now has been fabulous but HARD for me frankly. My retention is just not strong. I definately have to study harder than most to master the content. I get there but I have to listen to the lectures over and over and over again. I take notes over and over and over again. I study over and over and over again and I EVENTUALLY get it.

This class and the remainded for the certification are great preparation for taking the BAR review class and tackling the BAR exam again. They are getting me back in the swing of studying. And being on medication for narcolepsy makes a HUGE differene in being able to STAY AWAKE when studying so my preformance on the National Contract Manager Certification Exam will be a good test and measure of whether passing the BAR is even realistic for me. If I work my butt off but can't pass THAT CM Cert then I will know that my retention and attention to detail or ADHD and ability to pay attention for a sustained enough period to navigate the BAR EXAM successfully are just not there.

I came SO CLOSE however- within 15 points, so this time I am going to tackle the BAR exam with an accomodation request.

I in fact requested an accomodation at work based on disabilities. I did so hoping that formal recognition of the disabilitys might help in being successful. One key thing is my Life Coach keeps telling me "Get a Blackberry" and I disregarded that until one day when I had a call to be on and had a nap attack and COULD NOT DRIVE. I however was awake enough a few moments later that if a I had a blackberry I could have engaged in the call but I was no where near a phone.

I was late for the call.

We re-scehduled and it was fine, but it occurred to me if I had a blackberry when lost in Fall Church / 495 insane traffic I would have pulled over to take a call rather than just pulled over at a gas station to NAP.

It also occurred to me that while my current boss is AMAZING at letting me have great flexibility and doesn't mind if I come in late on those nap needing mornings I pull over en route, as she knows I will work through later to get it done--
That if there is ever a Re-Org ( which happens OFTEN in my company) that I could be then working for someone else who might not be so naturally accomodating.

Besides, although she is accomodating in some regards, she shows little understanding of my issues in other regards and little empathy or desire to do so frankly. She is very flat lined non responsive and in fact seems to avoid the converstaions in general, although is getting better as the point has been pushed.

So she has finally been responsive and engaged in meaningful dialogue and that really does make me feel better about my job and possibility of being not only good at it but ACCEPTED as good at it despite limitations and differences in work habits, needs and style of getting it done that can be seen as quirky and weird if not understood (or seen as irresponsible despite fact final preformance is fine.)

Its almost 4pm-- Better late than never to get started on substantive work today. Only trouble is now my LEFT HAND is tingling. DARN IT. Don't need carpel tunnell on top of it all. Maybe it is just falling asleep but won't be able to type much more! At least my work now is lectures to listen to then clicking the right response to the test which is a right hand mouse funtion.

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