2011-11-18 - 9:08 p.m.
Friday night on a weekend without kids and I am home reading and writing. I had invitations for the weekend of going dancing in D.C. tonight with Pohohontas, attorney inquiring if we may get together after he is off work (which tonight would be about an hour ago as he is working one of those 55 hour week projects in D.C. The kind where there must have been some need for discovery so they bring in the sardines of lawyers to do massive documnet review in a room of tables and the labor line up to crank out the work.)
He is working those projects in between his next full time gig.
Other invite was hiking with my Fitness Friend of McGill. Our Heath Center at work sent out a newsletter of how it helps to have a "Fitness Friend" an I thought first of the fact I have not been regularly to the guy since our sweet admin was laid off which is now at least two years ago if not more! UGH!
Actually I think I stopped the routine I was in when the EX and I ended our relationship and my motivation to hit they gym has just never come back. I was at the gym to get in shape to hike and then it turned out hiking is a breeze for me and I am in reasonable shape so after my trip to Rocky Mountain National Park the fear of not being in shape was no longer much motivator. Likewise the hiking of Glacier was fabuolous, but also not too challenging for me.
I think I need to save and plan something insane like Kilaminjaro or Everst to get motivated to hit the gym regularly.
Seriously I need SOME motivator. I actually had no choice but to spend money on clothes as most of my winter clothes no longer fit! UGH! OK I did have room to gain weight as I was UNDERWEIGHT due to stress, but the weight gain is more than I wanted in the end. I mean going from a size 4 to a 6 or 8 would be fine, but to suddenly measure at a 10 is startling an a bit disappointing for my wallet and budget. Esteem not too badly hit-
Although I did want to smack the work dude when over lunch he said " You used to be so hot when thin"
That may have been after I busted him in his lying however, so I can forgive that comment... it was payback . We had more fun sparring at lunch I believe. One wise ass comment after the other.
Anyway, my house is not in the order I want it to be in and I am seeking SOMETHING to motivate me. Trouble is the sweet attny I am dating is SO WONDERFUL and non plussed by the mess, Pocohontas no longer lives here, and the sexy chef who is from Texas who was a great motivator is traveling all over the place for work ( Rio this week, I think a visit to Peru may happen, Dubai and then Perth for a while) and he won't be back in the states until March so no likelihood of motivation of a vistor to kick in my urge to clean.
Oh yeah- when he was here HE stayed with me and HE CLEANED. Let me be honest, Cato is knicknamed Cato as he really WAS like my own hot pool boy without the pool.
Crap.
I TRY to get motivated JUST FOR ME and the GIRLS!
But it is SO HARD.
That works to a point- but then they come and for all the progress I had made there seems to be two steps back after their tazmanian devilish whirlwin of activity.
Had I the money I would hire Pocohontas or my friend whom I assisted in reviewing her Naturalization application who is a cleaning lady to come help me.
ANOTHER Former lover called and wanted to see me this week. I declined but would love to FLIRT and see if the notion of him coming over might actually be motivating enough to get my house sparkling clean from top to bottom! In fact that friend and I used to flirt FOR MONTHS before we actually ever really DID spend time together. He was my "virtual lover" for months an months and we would help each other out. It is truly a great friendship. I said " I need SOME motivation! I just have NO ENERGY! Do me a favor PRETEND you are coming over..."
So he did and it WORKED and was so much fun! The fact he never came over was even better as truth is I don't REALLY Want a relationship and just want to get my own shit in order. Seriously! I just truly want to get things taken care of and we all need help from friends sometime. Now truth is that this man and I DO Both have a very strong attraction. But as we both KNOW a relationship would be a TERRIBLE idea for a variety of reasons, we both were wiser than to ever consider such.
But he was fun and the times he REALLY showed up I would just say "HEY NOT FAIR!" but then enjoy time with him, and the BEST part about it was that we really have a SOLID friendship and love and care about each other dearly but then I WAS SO HAPPY WHEN HE LEFT !! YAH!!
Seriously, nothing quite like a good lover who then LEAVES when one does NOT Want to be in a serious relationship!
* The key is however that one must actually have a SOLID friendhhip for that to work.
It worked with the Marine for a while, but alas the trouble there was that at some point I started to fall for him! So I had to then manage THAT as that friendship is also one that is best as a friendship and we both know could not be more. Heck we would BOTH drive each other crazy. He has NO Patience.
I am SO HAPPY that he is doing so well and would love to go skking with My Marine again when I can afford to. Not this year- that is for sure. However as we have been friends for twenty years now I have no worry that I won't see him again and know I will when the time (and finances!) are right. He did invite me to visit but I just can not afford to travel at all now.
I in fact am still paying back borrowed money to travel to my daughter's college for Parents Weekend. I got there but didn't have the $35 for the registration fee. I told them I would mail it later- and I will SOMEDAY. It's on my list.
So lots of social invites but frankly this weekend I just want to hibernate at home.
In fact another former lover sent me an e-mail indicating " You never gave me my birthday present."
His requested gift had involved birthday suits....
I ignored his e-mail. He followed up with a call or two.
I did meet me for lunch one day last week asking about how my dating life has been. I had an absolute BLAST razzing on him, especially when he said how he read stories, tucked his little ones in bed and "Was so tired I just went to bed instead of going back downstairs like usual"
It was a CLASSIC moment in which I got to say "Hmm, let me just get this stright- go downstairs? So you are not living in a pad in the basement?"
Now this dude , who was VERY HOT and attractive, but who I figure out QUICKLY was NOT above board honest so I stopped seeing him- then said,
"Basement? NO one has a basement in Norfolk"
To which I totally cracked up and said, "OK, so then,just as I surmised when we dated - it was BULLSHIT that you lived in the BASEMENT and didn't have ANY relationship with the mother of your children who you just HAPPENED to fail to mention at FIRST"
Classic moment.
ASSHOLE.
I wasn't played that game however as enjoyed seeing him a short while and as soon as figured out his game was out of there.
Never vested emotionally much as I got the vibes not too. Funny however as we dated for months without physical involevment and he was alwasy SO RESPECTFUL. Yet once we were intimately involved his behavior completely changed and then he was not interested in taking me out on dates anymore.
MEN
They will do ANYTHING for you BEFORE you sleep with them! He in fact use to joke about that. Yes I guess I even leverage that for months.
I don't know that he was even significant enough to have made a cameo in here.
I then did tell him of the attny I am dating and how one of the first dates I had with him was when the attny came to my rescue after HE dropped me off and for the first time EVER didn't wait to see if I got in the house.
I didn't and was locked out missing my key.
Attorney was on line and I was able to send him a message and he kindly drove all the way to the new apt in Ashburn to get my spare key from Pocohontas' daughter who had recently moved out.
He brought me my key, and Chinese and it was a lovely evening!
Anyway, I MUCH prefer the other dude as a friend and frankly had missed our HONEST discussions of life. That whole dynamic CHANGED when we dated and he then was guarded and didn't want to TALK openly like before but just was hoping to feed his libido.
The "jump off" as I learned it is called in the hood ( HA HA HAve to joke as I dug what I could when I had suspicions this was not a wise dating relationship) , was NOT what I had in mind for a dating relationship.
Now the key here is that the element which makes the casual lover work is very specific:
One must genuinely LOVE The person as a true friend AND
ONE MUST NOT BE MARRIED OR IN AN OTHERWISE COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP!
I mean the married part is not something I will tolerate. NO WAY
will I willfully have an affair with a married man. So TECHNICALLY the Norfolk work dude was not "officially" married, but that is only because HE IS A SLIMY ASSHOLE who prefers to be able to say "I am single" and have affairs while living an raising his two kids with the same partner he has had for the past 12 years.
What is it about year 12 in a relationship?
I am sad for Pocohontas and her man of 12 years off and on- as they were "ON" again for the past year or so, an apparently are calling it quits.
They both seem to think this time for good.
That saddens me.
OK , speak of the devil- IM from Marine. Off to chat with him.
This is a good reason to have quiet time home alone AND a good reason to NOT get caught up in a committed dating relationship. When getting into that routine I find communication with other friends inevitably suffers.
I like being single and devoting the time to ME and preserving the space and time so I have it to connect with friends.
I won't be smothered or consumed by a significant other as I was before.
NEVER AGAIN.
That fear may prevent me from ever being in a committed relationship- but that is OK as I am quite happy with the friends and the dating relationships I have.
I think the attny also apprechites my wisdom as I am SURE he is enriched by his dates with a woman attny he used to work with! I am GLAD he has movie night and dinner out with her at least a couple of times every other week or so.
Feel bad he is stressing about New Years Eve however. She expects to spend it with him, He hopes and expects to spend it with me-
And to be honest I would RATHER not have a date on New Years at all.
If I had the money I would want to go to NYC with my hiking friends who went to Colorado and Glacier and go dancing with them.
That is Their plan. I would NOT want to bring a date. I tried that when I let the neighbor I was dating take me to San Franciso with that group. He just tried WAY TOO HARD and frankly I would have had MORE fun without him on the trip. But Oh yeah-- I wouldn't have GONE on the trip at all but for him giving me the gift of it. But he was just trying TOO HARD to have a relaitonship he wanted the way he wanted with me an I was not into him nor would ever be into him the way he wanted.
Fact is I think I just don't EVER want to get married or be that serious again- perhaps with anyone, regardless of how wonderful they appear. I have learned that appearances can be decieving.
Understandable.
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