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2011-12-22 - 1:29 a.m.

OK Not sure if anyone can see this link, however it does make me feel a bit better about being friends with those in the 1%.

I think this guy is very genuine, as he is a friend of Cato's who vouches for his sincerity. He lived in Capetown for a number of years and loved it there. Reviewing this make me feel less fearful that Cato will have some hidden vices that I don't see. His vices are rather upfront and obvious I suppose.

In any case I am a bit irritated to still be AWAKE at this hour. All I wanted to do was go to bed early tonight! I am however so disorganzied that I can't find addressess and now phone # needed to place a few simple orders. Aggrevated...

I have participated in some market research thing for which I earn points. I do this regularlly and collect them and you can get stuff with the points eventually. So I earned enough to get Cato a subscription to GolfWeek which I think is the perfect Christmas gift for he who claims to be a "Professional drinker and amateur golf player".

I think he will enjoy it, and it will get there in 10-12 weeks which is perfect as just about the time he will be back from his travels.

Such a simple thing shouldn't take so darn long... as in all night of cleaning and trying to find where I wrote that down. Finally I sent an e-mail and he responded. However not before I GAVE UP and decided to try to go for something TOTALLY different and found reasonable flowers to be delivered in the city he is in for his birthday (which was yesterday.) OK- better late than never.

So I get that all done and ready to rock and roll, and then it won't go through as I need a PHONE Number. now of course I CAN'T FIND the phone number. I have searched all the e-mails, Facebook message history etc.. and it is not saved electronically. I cleaned off dresser, desk, counters and a variety of paper piles- to no avail.

Basically I have spent HOURS to get NOTHING DONE when I am nothing short of exhausted.
STILL can't find the phone #.

There is a 1-800 # that his international calls come from, but I think that is likely a calling card. Not sure- but don't think that is a good # to RECEIVE calls at. I have not successfully reached him- he has skyped me the few times we chatted since he is overseas.

So aggravating. I was literally ASLEEP at 8pm dozing. I had just called the attny around then and then dropped off to sleep immediately and he called me back and woke me. Got my second wind, but by the time he was off work at home around 9:30 it was just too late for me to want to go out. I just was not up to it frankly. He lives too far away and I get too tired. I wanted to just SLEEP!

I suppose I also just wanted to be home and get my stuff done- chores, and relaxing and enjoying my own space. Safe to say that Cato is on my mind and its a little annoying as the attorney is RIGHT HERE wanting to spend time with me yet I am thinking of the alcoholic drifter who is overseas. I take that to mean I REALLY JUST WANT TO BE ALONE right now and am NOT OPEN to a viable relationship as I am intent on focusing on my goals and own home right now- kids and work and getting my house in order.

I think that the attorney is less appealing to me as well as he is also focused on his kids. He also has a New Years Eve date with his lady attorney friend he spends time with. So although it is of course FINE for me to spend time with McGill, and Cato--- and I have ENCOURAGED the attny to spend time with other friends (women in particular) as he is only separated one year and new at the socializing and dating game and I don't want him to get serious about me just because I HAPPEN to be here...

I mean I want him to take that time to grow, and likewise I want time to grow...

but maybe that is a cop out...

I don't want to be spending time with someone because I happen to be available and they are LAZY and don't make EFFORT if that makes sense. ( I kinda felt that was why my neighbor wanted to date me. The fact I met the attorney at work makes me kinda feel that same way-- like if a guy is interested just because I HAPPEN to be THERE then the guy is rather indiscriminate and would date WHOMEVER happened to come along in his path and isn't really CONSCIOUS in CHOOSING who to have a relationship with. Perhaps I am judgmental and way off base with this however... but I just get the sense from some men that they would be happy to date or mate with whomever was willing... and that really is a HUGE turn off to me being at all interested.

Ironically I don't want to be too serious, so I encourage the attorney to be open to spending time with others-- but when he has the New Years Eve invite and I told him to GO as I have kids so I can't make plans with him, I think the fact he is going with his other lady friend then makes me pull back from him. Suppose that is normal. Ce La Vie...

He is a wonderful guy and I do enjoy spending time with him- but truth is that honestly once a week is enough for me! I just want to have time HOME alone. At this juncture he seems to want to see me more often than I would be inclined to want to spend time with him. Not sure if that is because I am just not that into him,or if regardless of who it was- that I just want that time to get my own things together now more than I want to share my time with anyone else other than the kids when they are with me.

Truth of matter is that Cato is on my mind but a TERRIBLE choice of one to fall for--- if one truly can consciously CHOOSE whom to fall in love with.

I don't think we can always choose such, but we CAN make conscious choices to have a relationship with one or not after we have that fall...

That is of course the harder part.

So here I am obsessing about these last gifts when I should be in bed....HOURS After I WANTED To go to sleep.

So simple yet they shouldn't be impossible to get done! OH well... back now to the site for the Golf Magazine as I have that address. The flowers just might get nixed. I spent time finding one that was affordable to be delivered in the city Cato is in, which took quite a while. Ce la vie. I suppose it is OK if he is the one who brings ME flowers all the time, right? HA HA That is one thing he is VERY good at when he is in town- which I love about Cato! HE bought me a couple of lovely plants that I enjoyed putting in my yard as well and can't wait to see how they do- one small plant with petite yellow roses, and a gorgeous orange mum that I hope comes back nicely next year.

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